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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews

Ninja Spirit (TurboGrafx-16)

Ninja Spirit review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 29, 2003

The main character’s name is Moonlight (not the most fearsome moniker, true enough, but full of, er, grace). His father has been killed and Moonlight seeks revenge. The opening scene is nothing special - it certainly isn’t as eye-catching as the one in Revenge of Shinobi, and the fact that it’s unapologetically cliché does not help. The saving grace is witnessing Moonlight’s transmogrifying into a wolf. I know we all have to do it sometime, but it’s so satisfying watching a ninja do it.
Masters's avatar
Night Creatures (TurboGrafx-16)

Night Creatures review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 29, 2003

The premise of the game is surprisingly compelling. You are a farmer, stricken with a curse. You were bitten by a bat that turned out to be Hecate, the Queen of Darkness. You must hunt down and destroy this nefarious night creature that afflicted you thus, or die trying. Or worse yet, stay alive, but take too long in your mission, and become a night creature yourself. Oooh! Biting irony!
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New Adventure Island (TurboGrafx-16)

New Adventure Island review (TG16)

Reviewed on December 29, 2003

As you fight through the Hudson-trademark, vibrant, ultra-colourful scenarios, you’ll encounter fuchsia snails, yellow cobras, purple frogs, and green clovers. Alright, the clovers bit was just to see if you were paying attention. Deadly, unattended campfires, skulls surrounded by flames, and the mainstay of the Adventure Island enemy roster - the invisible web-climbing spiders, will all chime in to make life difficult for you.
Masters's avatar
Spawn: Armageddon (PlayStation 2)

Spawn: Armageddon review (PS2)

Reviewed on December 27, 2003

On the one hand, it's good that Spawn can mostly focus on shooting when the situation calls for it. There's hardly a pause as he empties one weapon's chamber and switches to the next, which is good if you've got a giant crab or whatever bearing down on you. However, some of the weapons understandably affect Spawn's agility.
honestgamer's avatar
Base Wars (NES)

Base Wars review (NES)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

If the tedious fights were taken out of Base Wars, or if the faulty computer intelligence had been fixed, a better baseball game would have been produced. As it stands though, Base Wars is just an inferior hybrid.
sgreenwell's avatar
Wardner (Genesis)

Wardner review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

Wardner strikes a blow for overweight kids everywhere. Because the hero of Wardner is… well, fat. And he’s not one of those fat kids looking (illogically) for a supermodel either; his girl is also pretty portly. There’s nothing more annoying than someone of the George Costanza mindset: ''I can’t date her because she’s bald.'' But, you're bald! (Don’t worry, I won’t digress any further into the universal applications of my Seinfeldian knowledge.)
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Valis: The Fantasm Soldier (Genesis)

Valis: The Fantasm Soldier review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

I didn't even really want to review Valis. Another reviewer (we'll call him ''Zigfried,'' a close personal friend of mine), showed me his 3/10 opinion on the game, but he pointed out that for the sake of justice, we have to offset the ridiculously high scores for the game seen around the net with our low scores, so here is my review. You could probably call this review: OUT FOR JUSTICE if it was a film, but it's not, so let's forget I mentioned it.
Masters's avatar
Twin Cobra (Genesis)

Twin Cobra review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

Twin Cobra is Raiden with boxes. It's also an overhead helicopter shoot-em-up. A shoot-em-up that is mediocre at its absolute best, for a system that was inundated with shooters, some of them phenomenal. Without proceeding any further, it's safe to say that if you're not a fan of the genre, you shouldn't give this game even a moment's notice.
Masters's avatar
Truxton (Genesis)

Truxton review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

The vertical shooter, Truxton, at the time of its release looked alright. Not spectacular, even then, but alright. With time, the game has not aged gracefully.
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Toki: Going Ape Spit (Genesis)

Toki: Going Ape Spit review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

A cloaked bad guy named Stark made off with your number one booty call, making a monkey out of you, and to add insult to injury, he made a monkey out of you. Naturally, catching up with the withered old fool and killing him and his monster menagerie will make you human again, and return Miho to your large, swollen... arms.
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Thunder Fox (Genesis)

Thunder Fox review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 22, 2003

Thunder Fox for the Genesis, like the arcade version, features five intense levels of straightforward anti-terrorist ass-kicking. You'll have to tackle terrorists on their carrier, in their mining facility and their headquarters, among other locales. The knife you brought to the party just won’t cut it. But not to worry: as you stab, jump kick and 'somersault kick' foes into submission, they will give up the goods that they’re carrying. Flame throwers, assault rifles and single shot bazookas are all up for grabs in the wake of incapacitated insurgents.
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Breath of Fire II (Game Boy Advance)

Breath of Fire II review (GBA)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Overall, Breath of Fire 2 is a game that's just below great because of a bad translation and a lack of new content from the previous release.
sgreenwell's avatar
Madden NFL 2003 (PlayStation 2)

Madden NFL 2003 review (PS2)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Tougher than tough actin’ Tinactin! Tastier than Outback Steakhouse! Better to watch than Little Giants! A better deal than Greyhound buses!
sgreenwell's avatar
Crazy Taxi (PlayStation 2)

Crazy Taxi review (PS2)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Ever Wonder Why 'Taxi' Has An I But 'Candy' Has A Y, Unless It's An Exotic Dancer? Me neither, so luckily I'm reviewing Crazy Taxi and not our country's exotic dancing scene!
sgreenwell's avatar
Berzerk (Arcade)

Berzerk review (ARC)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Every once in a while, the screen will fade, the sound clatters even more unrecognizably, or the button will jam, but these are inconsequential annoyances which do not interrupt the unconscious flow of gaming.
sgreenwell's avatar
Thunder Force II (Genesis)

Thunder Force II review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

This early Genesis release is not graphically or sonically stunning, as can be expected (old games still impress in these categories, but we needn't expect them to), but the lackluster presentation is not wholly or even largely the reason why the game fails to impress.
Masters's avatar
Journey from Darkness: Strider Returns (Genesis)

Journey from Darkness: Strider Returns review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Sega's Strider was every bit as engaging as Capcom had made it in the arcades. Truly, it was a memorable experience with only two weaknesses worth mentioning: the length of the adventure, and the limitations of the hero's jumping abilities. Strider 2 does nothing to correct the former but admirably corrects the latter. Not bad then, right? Well, it wouldn’t be, but remember the aforementioned strengths of the original game? You know, the beautiful scenes and sounds? Well forget about them. They’re gone.
Masters's avatar
Strider (Genesis)

Strider review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 21, 2003

Much of the game’s hype was due to the fact that it was the first 8 meg cartridge ever. Certainly it was not just a case of Sega and Capcom pounding their chests with no real reasoning behind the extra space; upon comparison with other platform games of its time, the 8 meg 'monster' that was Strider clearly drew upon the added power do something unprecedented. It didn't compromise. It represented an arcade translation where the programmers didn't have to say ''Ok, what do we take out first?''
Masters's avatar
Splatterhouse 2 (Genesis)

Splatterhouse 2 review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 20, 2003

In the first game, Rick's girlfriend Jennifer was spirited away from his underdeveloped arms right before his pimply face, creamy with bursting whiteheads. The Hell Mask appeared to provide delicious two-fold resolution. He donned the evil, false visage and it took hold of him, charging teenage bone, sinew and muscle, until a fearless full grown murderer of the undead was forged (plus, it hid his acne).
Masters's avatar
Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis)

Sonic the Hedgehog review (GEN)

Reviewed on December 20, 2003

The fast and the furious Green Hill Zone. Barreling over bright green hills, digging your heels in as you race through lush valleys of green, leaping for coins and coming back down to green earth - this is what the entire game should have been about. Sad that the heights of enjoyment should be reached in Sonic’s first mission, sad that gamers should be teased so cruelly, as the roaring velocity of his run, (increased even more with the special speedy shoe icon, and even more while Sonic spins) comes to an abrupt halt with the conclusion of the zone, never to reach such intensity again.
Masters's avatar

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