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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Noctropolis (PC)

Noctropolis review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Let me help you out. If you're checking this game out for the adult/sex factor, don't even bother. Succubus shows us nothing, and Stiletto shows us her breasts for like, two seconds. They're a rather nice set, granted, but you'd be better staying up and watching Porkys, or Fast Times at Ridgemont High for this kind of one-handed material. At least Fast Times had Phoebe Cates. And you can't beat Phoebe Cates for old time gratuitous nudity.
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Rise of the Triad: Dark War (PC)

Rise of the Triad: Dark War review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Much of RotT isn't very memorable or special, which is something a game like this needs to be distinctive in a crowded FPS market, both at the time of its release, AND now. Fat monks and good graphics from far and close up graphics that are far from good isn't quite enough. Thankfully, there are great moments that help raise this game above the level of mediocrity, if only slightly. Well, only one great moment, really.
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Jill of the Jungle (PC)

Jill of the Jungle review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Our protagonist, Jill, is an Amazon woman-type (girl power!), clad in a skimpy green outfit (guy power!). She's blonde (naturally) and brawny, and depending on what you choose to do with her, brainy as well. She can jump, climb ladders and vines, and can fling knives and spinning blades should she be so lucky to find them and so equip herself. But wait. Keep that quickening pulse in check!
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Hocus Pocus Episode 1: Time Tripping (PC)

Hocus Pocus Episode 1: Time Tripping review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

The Land of Lattice is overseen by the Council of Wizards, a ruling body with great power and prestige, which you'd like to be part of one day. Fueling your resolve to this end is the matter of Popopa. That's your girlfriend (as if you didn't know!), and you'd like to marry her (Hocus! I implore you to reconsider! Why risk having your powers split down the middle when things inevitably go wrong!).
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Dark Ages Episode 1: Prince of Destiny (PC)

Dark Ages Episode 1: Prince of Destiny review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

It will help if you’re already a fan of side-scrolling adventure games. If you can’t do without your Rastan, or your Legendary Axe, you will already be predisposed to having some fun with this little game. Your character is nameless, presumably so that you can think of him as yourself. Perhaps they should have left the bad guy nameless as well—his name is Garth. I doubt they were going for ''Garth Brooks''—maybe ''Garth Vader.''
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Commander Keen Episode I: Marooned on Mars (PC)

Commander Keen Episode I: Marooned on Mars review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Billy Blaze is eight years old. And he's a genius. He's constructed what he calls a 'beans and bacon' spacecraft from miscellaneous slop he unearthed around his parents' house. When he dons his big brother's yellow football helmet and carries along with him his trusty pogo-stick, we know it is nighttime (got to make sure the folks are asleep, after all), and that he's heading to outer space. We know he is blazing trails of interstellar discovery and aggressive peacekeeping endeavors. We know he has become... Commander Keen!
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Bonk's Revenge (TurboGrafx-16)

Bonk's Revenge review (TG16)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Bonk’s Revenge is certainly not as charming and original as the first game, due in large part to the aforementioned omission of the ‘friend philosophy’. No longer are the bosses your hypnotized friends that you must get to ‘snap out of it’ with a few raps to the noggin. Now the bosses are just bad guys, and that’s too bad.
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Blazing Lazers (TurboGrafx-16)

Blazing Lazers review (TG16)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Gunhed. It’s quite possibly the coolest name for a vertical shooter ‘starfighter’. Gentlemen, you have to admit it's cool: it has the words 'gun' AND 'hed' in it. And that is only fitting, as this game (known to you and I as Blazing Lazers) is possibly the coolest game the genre has ever seen.
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Galactic Attack (Saturn)

Galactic Attack review (SAT)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Not too many games are this privileged. After all, Taito’s vertically scrolling shoot 'em up has three names. It was released in Japan’s arcades as Rayforce, ported home to Japanese Saturns as Layer Section, and finally arrived on North American Saturns as Galactic Attack (yes, we got the crummy name, as is the case more often than not).
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Xevious 3D/G+ (PlayStation)

Xevious 3D/G+ review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Soon your Solvalou is bothered by a sparse, but pretty snowfall, as you cruise like a bird of prey, firing either your spread, beam, or lock-on lasers (the red lock-on laser looks very cool, but regrettably isn’t very powerful), above enemies afloat on massive glaciers. Take off into outer space, and face a boss whose core is embedded in the dark face of an asteroid. You get to enter a space station with narrow, twisting, changing passages. A quick foray outside, and it’s back indoors, into the skeletal frame of the station, you playing Luke Skywalker to the station’s Death Star.
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Space Shot (PlayStation)

Space Shot review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Space Shot is in many ways an across-the-board shoot ‘em up clone, taking bits from Darius, (enemy formations) Thunder Force V, (the last boss, the O.V.D. charge weapon) and various other transgressions. But fortunately, and surprisingly, the game enters the Playstation shooter fray with a few wholly unique gameplay functions that elevate it above the fairness of 4-dom.
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Silent Hill (PlayStation)

Silent Hill review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Outside on the streets, dark and fog is everywhere, snow will fall suddenly and then just as suddenly cease. Then it's back to textured blackness, worse than complete dark because of what the varying shades might conceal. You'll have to rely on your ears for sounds of unearthly growls and flapping wings that reveal the carnivorous canines and winged demons that seek you out.
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RayStorm (PlayStation)

RayStorm review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Your R-GRAY fighter must fly through 7 levels of mayhem, while you cross your fingers the whole way through. If you’ve heard otherwise, disregard the misinformation. This game is hard, bordering on the impossible in sections. Perhaps that is a failing resultant from the game’s arcade roots—it plays like a quarter muncher, often giving you no chance to get out of a given situation intact.
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RayCrisis: Series Termination (PlayStation)

RayCrisis: Series Termination review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

''Series Termination'', the subtitle screams at us, as if there were something riding on this. Even the title itself, ''RayCrisis'' speaks of the urgency and enormousness of the situation. As it stands, some Dr. Mindbender type has gone bonkers, his experiment in Artificial Intelligence following suit. The result is the hackneyed tale of supercomputer against earth. Supercomputer will, of course, prove to be victorious, if not for the player/hero.
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Raiden Project (PlayStation)

Raiden Project review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

What then, is the appeal? As 2-D overhead shooters go, Raiden is somewhat of a pioneer, but it can't stand up to most of its successors in terms of intensity. At the same time, you can't really go wrong with Raiden. True, nothing about it is particularly outstanding; but it has no real flaws either. It's challenging, and looks and sounds decent and as always, you get to save the world.
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R-Types (PlayStation)

R-Types review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

One hit. That's all it takes. Maybe if less was thrown your way. Less of everything: alien abominations, attack mechs, membrane walls, mechanical monstrosities. Then maybe you'd have a fighting chance. A reviewer once played the second last level of R-Type and used the phrase: independently controlled eyeballs. Those are essential, and Zen-like concentration and inhuman patience are the other requirements to attain anything resembling success.
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R-Type Delta (PlayStation)

R-Type Delta review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Yes, it’s true, I’ll admit it. R-Type Delta has the obligatory 3-D ‘let’s get it on’ type introduction, that has become the norm for the modern 2-D shooter. It is polished, but then, so are the intros for Thunderforce V and any number of other games this genre has seen in the last few years. (I think this is an element standardized by the Unknown Guild of 32-bit Shooters.) But from the moment you press start, and bring up the ship selection screen, you know that this game is something more. Something special.
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G Darius (PlayStation)

G Darius review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

G-Darius--the G stand for gigantic--continues the long standing 2-D shooter series with a style and flair not seen before in previous incarnations. Your duty remains the same however; the universe still needs saving, and the bad guys are the same metallic fish that you may have seen in all other Darius games. But now they're...gigantic.
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Einhander (PlayStation)

Einhander review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Enter Einhander: the German codename meaning, ‘one-armed’, because of the ships’ single manipulator arm. The Selenians would use the Einhander crafts to be, in effect, kamikaze information gatherers. The instruction booklet tells us that “the survival rate for Einhander runs is zero.” It’s up to you to change that.
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Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PlayStation)

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night review (PSX)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

What is instantly noticeable about SOTN, is the fluidity that the main character, Alucard, moves about with. He is like poetry in motion, his cape billowing behind him as he stalks, his movement decidedly confident and surging. His joints are like water. The enemies aren’t half bad either. You won’t believe how large some of them are, and on one rather eye-popping occasion, Beelzebub, a generally unclean and unhealthy fellow, fills a few screens.
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