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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Advance Guardian Heroes (Game Boy Advance)

Advance Guardian Heroes review (GBA)

Reviewed on September 26, 2004

Just don't let the other reviews dissuade you by constant talk of slowdown. It's hardly as omnipresent as they'd have you believe, even in the multiplayer modes. Advance Guardian Heroes is an essential part of any GBA library, whether you're a die-hard fan of the original or haven't even held a Saturn controller in your life.
bluberry's avatar
Lightening Force: Quest for the Darkstar (Genesis)

Lightening Force: Quest for the Darkstar review (GEN)

Reviewed on September 24, 2004

From the awe-inspiring title screen, with gigantic scrolling lettering (THUNDER FORCE) and raging guitar, to the eerily grandiose organs of the penultimate stage, the music tracks — nay, the entire game — keep injecting excitement directly into your jugular.
zigfried's avatar
The Guy Game (Xbox)

The Guy Game review (XBX)

Reviewed on September 20, 2004

As you properly guess whether or not the girls are smart enough to answer (more on that in a minute), your meter will fill up. If it hits the middle region, you will see no logo, but things are still blurred out. And if you top out with ‘Super Stiff,’ then you get to see nipples galore. This element of the game helps remind you that what you’re playing is really an interactive peep show. It does wonders for the self-esteem.
honestgamer's avatar
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom (GameCube)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom review (GCN)

Reviewed on September 19, 2004

Before you get to the 'cool' stuff in the game, which ranges from new zones to explore to abilities that include bubble bowling, you'll have to collect a good number of spatulas and socks. The latter tend to be hidden quite deviously throughout the numerous worlds you'll explore, while the spatulas themselves are out in plain sight in the same sense that the stars were in Super Mario 64. There are lots of them to collect, and it can get old quickly, but this is a minor genre flaw because the worlds SpongeBob explores are so engaging.
honestgamer's avatar
Contra: Hard Corps (Genesis)

Contra: Hard Corps review (GEN)

Reviewed on September 18, 2004

You may say you're not impressed by scenes like the one where you stand on a wooden bridge and fire clash beams through a waterfall at a cretaceous beast while it tries to shake you off the bridge... but I know the truth. From the first minute you saw the famous 3D "highway" scene where your hero runs from a ball-and-chain swinging robot, you were hooked.
zigfried's avatar
Terminator 3: The Redemption (Xbox)

Terminator 3: The Redemption review (XBX)

Reviewed on September 14, 2004

When it comes to action, T3:TR delivers a 100% authentic cinema-like experience. The high speed thrills, the overbearing intensity, the intangible feeling of claustrophobia caused by the relentless pursuit of the T-X. The very same emotions you passively enjoyed while sitting on the edge of your seat are now available in a fully interactive format. Though you'll begin the game by working with a rag tag assortment of human freedom fighters, a single stage won't be complete until the action has changed genre types a handful of times, thereby keeping things interesting and fresh.
midwinter's avatar
Street Fighter Anniversary Collection (PlayStation 2)

Street Fighter Anniversary Collection review (PS2)

Reviewed on September 11, 2004

At the end of the day, most everything special is here, but loving the anomaly is like drinking a can of V8 when all you really wanted was celery juice. Instead of selecting the title of the original game you wanted to play, you choose things by picking the ‘mode’ as you choose your character.
honestgamer's avatar
Gekioh: Shooting King (PlayStation)

Gekioh: Shooting King review (PSX)

Reviewed on September 11, 2004

If the rather generic (though generally appropriate) game music was getting on your nerves, switch to the new mode to hear a laugh track and silly music as the on-screen jet fights the good fight against alien scum. It’s definitely humorous, and it’s only one of the options. Another mode finds you limited in view so that it feels like you’re playing a game on a small calculator (quite fun, actually, and challenging), while yet another slows down the action to a near-crawl.
honestgamer's avatar
Mojib-Ribbon (PlayStation 2)

Mojib-Ribbon review (PS2)

Reviewed on September 06, 2004

When on the subject of rap music, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Guns? Drugs? Burly, angry looking gangsters pimping their skanks on the street perhaps? Whatever your answer may be, I'm willing to bet that it has absolutely nothing what-so-ever to do with Japan and the incredibly polite (yet quite odd) people that live there. Furthermore, I'd also lay my hip street credz on the line and wager a small fortune that calligraphy wasn't even a consideration. And while this may be so, where cult Japanese developer NaNaOn-Sha is concerned, nothing says rap more than a horse hair brush and a fat, fat jar of thick black ink.
midwinter's avatar
Spider-Man 2 (Game Boy Advance)

Spider-Man 2 review (GBA)

Reviewed on September 02, 2004

The disappointing adventure is based loosely on the happenings from the hit movie. I say loosely, because the creators of the game saw fit to throw in a host of enemies and situations that have nothing to do with the film in a misguided attempt to give us 'more' than a simple movie play through. I can see the merit in providing us more than just Doctor Octopus as the lone boss character from the feature, and yet--it seems ultimately messy and unfocused to offer up The Lizard and Rhino (among others) as combatants for no good reason in the context of the story.
Masters's avatar
La Pucelle: Tactics (PlayStation 2)

La Pucelle: Tactics review (PS2)

Reviewed on August 29, 2004

Each character can carry four items, and there are no class restrictions. What this means is that you have full control over how each team member evolves. Do you want a badass magic user who also has armor more powerful than a locomotive? Not a problem. Just buy the right gear and equip it, then watch your character mow down the opposition without a care in the world.
honestgamer's avatar
Final Fantasy X-2 (PlayStation 2)

Final Fantasy X-2 review (PS2)

Reviewed on August 22, 2004

Let’s face it, Final Fantasy X wasn’t merely a fantastic RPG in its own right, it surely stood out even among the best of the entire series as well. Therefore it was only natural that Square would want to build upon it for a sequel. That’s why I consider it a rather strange occurrence when the resulting product is not only a disappointment, but seems like it was intentionally developed as a way to slap everyone who enjoyed the original game right in the face.
sho's avatar
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Xbox)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review (XBX)

Reviewed on July 29, 2004

In early stages, the game likes to present you with common ‘purple dragon’ street thugs. They’re every bit as foolish as their name implies. Many times, they’ll dawdle at the entrance to alleys, lined up like bowling pins and waiting for you to roll in for the strike. If they counter at all (and they do as you ratchet up the game’s selectable difficulty levels), you can usually just zip out of the way with a dash, or be sure that your sword is sticking out when they charge with pieces of pipe brandished like clubs.
honestgamer's avatar
Viper (Apple II)

Viper review (APP2)

Reviewed on July 27, 2004

Honestly, the only reason to keep playing is for that next high score (which you can thankfully save to disc). There’s just nothing else to motivate you, since the best part of the graphical presentation is the title screen, and since sound is limited mostly to the ‘beeeoooooop!’ sound you’ll hear when you smash into yourself after a chain of mini-feasts.
honestgamer's avatar
Gate of Thunder (Turbografx-CD)

Gate of Thunder review (TGCD)

Reviewed on July 25, 2004

Gate relentlessly rocks hard and intense, whether it's level one's appropriate 'let's get it on' tone, or level two's melancholy 'this could get sticky' tune, or level seven's 'you know what must be done' closing track. Never before have I been so into a shooter, and perfect weapon system and engaging enemies aside, the music lends the greatest hand to selling me on this purest excitement. Pure, because there is no nostalgia at work (the game is wholly new to me), no feelings of collector's pride (I bought it manual-less and case-less), no feelings of being on the cutting edge (it's a decade old). The exhilaration is as genuine as it gets.
Masters's avatar
Street Fighter (Arcade)

Street Fighter review (ARC)

Reviewed on July 21, 2004

"YOOVE GAHT AH ROHT TOO RAHN BEFOH YOO BEET MEE, TOORIGH AGAAYN KEED (heh heh heh hahahahaha)"
sho's avatar
Double Dragon (Atari 2600)

Double Dragon review (A2600)

Reviewed on July 21, 2004

You’ve got to give Activision credit for ignoring both the hardware’s obvious limitations and a dose of common sense to throw caution to the wind and attempt it anyway. Pity that you can’t give them credit for the game itself.
sho's avatar
Friday the 13th (NES)

Friday the 13th review (NES)

Reviewed on July 21, 2004

The NES adaptation of Friday the 13th takes this laughably awful (and sometimes merely “awful”) saga full of campy dialogue, bloody hatchets and lacy perfumed underthings, only to cast them aside in favor of an awkward mix of action and strategy.
sho's avatar
El Viento (Genesis)

El Viento review (GEN)

Reviewed on July 19, 2004

Whether enjoying a harrying ocean cruise atop a dolphin’s back as numerous bombs hit the foreground with tremendous splashes, braving the conveyer belts and dangerous machinery of a Detroit factory, or attacking the towering power core of a gunnery-filled war zeppelin, if you’re not hooked by the time of the epic confrontation high atop the spires of the Empire State Building then you have surely mislaid your enthusiasm for 2D Blast Processing goodness somewhere along the way.
sho's avatar
Splatterhouse (TurboGrafx-16)

Splatterhouse review (TG16)

Reviewed on July 19, 2004

While there’s certainly plenty of carnage to be found, unfortunately the arcade faithful will discover this SplatterHouse to be a shadow of its parent.
sho's avatar

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