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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Cobra Mission (PC)

Cobra Mission review (PC)

Reviewed on March 26, 2005

The best part is the combat itself. Instead of merely selecting "Attack", guide the mouse to a certain location on the opponent and ferociously CLICK. Armored guards are vulnerable at the unprotected neck — well-endowed female bodybuilders are resistant to attack at their iron breasts.
zigfried's avatar
Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30 (Xbox)

Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30 review (XBX)

Reviewed on March 22, 2005

Even though most of the game amounts to repeating the same "suppress then flank" tactic over and over, the elaborate environments make each situation feel unique. It really feels like you're being sneaky when you traipse through a creek or dart past the underbrush for a clean shot... and running through an enemy-occupied town while planes crash and explode in the background is spectacular and INTENSE.
zigfried's avatar
International Track & Field (Game Boy Color)

International Track & Field review (GBC)

Reviewed on March 22, 2005

As if that weren’t enough, you're faced with computer opposition that you simply won't catch. Even in practise mode, your competitors will be running circles round you, making your meagre efforts look akin to those of an athletically-challenged gopher.
EmP's avatar
Pac-Pix (DS)

Pac-Pix review (DS)

Reviewed on March 22, 2005

Pac-Pix is gameplay in its most pure of forms. A simple, expressive challenge that hides its hidden depth under a welcoming exterior of warm nostalgia and high tech cool. The graphics while simplistic are mostly a product of your own hand, a personal montage of Pac designs proving to be as endearing as any Namco may have produced.
midwinter's avatar
Mecarobot Golf (SNES)

Mecarobot Golf review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 21, 2005

There are some games where, when you buy 'em, you know they're going to be bad. Mecarobot Golf for the SNES is one of those. I knew I was buying a clunker, but I expected to get at least a dash of fun for my $2.99. I was wrong.
zigfried's avatar
Rival Turf! (SNES)

Rival Turf! review (SNES)

Reviewed on March 20, 2005

The music is muffled, the graphics are blurry, and the animation is just awful. The action starts out on the streets of L.A. with Oozie murdering packs of identical masked Mexican wrestlers (they must be part of the Villano family). I don't care how manly the concept of powerbombing scrawny gang members is — with its three frames, this just looks BAD.
zigfried's avatar
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance (NES)

Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance review (NES)

Reviewed on March 19, 2005

You might have hoped that this game gets its dismal reputation because of poor graphics, the complexities of the AD&D rules, or something equally asinine. Hope is the denial of reality.
sho's avatar
Contra (NES)

Contra review (NES)

Reviewed on March 19, 2005

Contra’s weapons don’t blow their loads in retarded, premature fashion as is the case with other games in the genre. These weapons kill hard and die harder. The Laser rips through anything in its path, the Machine gun eats up alien troops like Fruit Loops, to say nothing of the Spread. The Spread? you query, clearly curious. The spread cuts swaths through hopeless, hapless oncomers.
Masters's avatar
The Sagara Family (PC)

The Sagara Family review (PC)

Reviewed on March 19, 2005

Learning about each of the Sagara women really does become an enticing mystery, made all the sweeter by the occasional chance to fool around with one under the sheets, or on the couch in the front room, or in the bathtub. Even after you’ve finished one trip through, it can be fun and rewarding to play through again (and again) because just a simple choice here or there can affect so much.
honestgamer's avatar
Metal Slug Advance (Game Boy Advance)

Metal Slug Advance review (GBA)

Reviewed on March 19, 2005

MSA's primary flaw is that it's conspicuously devoid of the heroic intensity that stirred fans of the original so. On a mechanical level, it's visibly Metal Slug; your pistol-packing grenade-lobbing hero storms through the side-scrolling levels in the expected fashion, terminating the screaming infantrymen and adorable artillery with regulatory-extreme levels of prejudice. And yet the battles utterly fail to excite. What's to blame?
autorock's avatar
Hitomi: My Stepsister (PC)

Hitomi: My Stepsister review (PC)

Reviewed on March 17, 2005

And so it is that I should discuss the sex scenes. After all, they’re your reward for playing. You’re certainly not working at the project to increase your reflexes. And because it’s impossible to not finish the game (the most taxing project is to decide which of the two options will lead to the sex scene you most want or haven’t seen before), the only satisfaction comes from the nudity.
honestgamer's avatar
Last Battle (Genesis)

Last Battle review (GEN)

Reviewed on March 17, 2005

Aarzak is the confident sort of lone wolf hero, but not from bullheaded arrogance. Rather, he knows that he will win. How could he possibly know this? Because, before the game begins, Sega scrolls the entire plot — beginning, middle, and end! — across the screen. Because of Sega's omniscient benevolence, our mighty hero will never be caught unawares in his battle against the Tyrannical Triumvirate of G!
zigfried's avatar
X-COM: UFO Defense (PC)

X-COM: UFO Defense review (PC)

Reviewed on March 17, 2005

And if you're feeling that, you'd be even more pumped when your personal carrier full of armed-to-the-teeth marines is dispatched to deal with the possible wreckage -- and to eliminate any alien life that may remain. This is where the main attraction of the game will always lie: going head-to-head with the little green men.
EmP's avatar
Need for Speed Underground: Rivals (PSP)

Need for Speed Underground: Rivals review (PSP)

Reviewed on March 15, 2005

Such feelings of lost opportunity don't stop there, though admittedly the worst is now behind us. Charging forward we look to the career modes, hoping to find a reason that justifies this charade. And in a way, this is where Rivals actually manages to surpass Ridge Racers, not in the short term rush but in the long, drawn out haul.
midwinter's avatar
Sega Ages: Golden Axe (PlayStation 2)

Sega Ages: Golden Axe review (PS2)

Reviewed on March 15, 2005

Although this new 3D Tyris isn't drawn quite as sexily as she used to be, the characters all looked attractive... until I saw them up close during their really lame magic spell sequences. As the camera zoomed in, I could see how few polygons were actually used to create the Amazon's pointy face. From then on, the illusion was shattered; even when the camera pulled back out, it was easy to spot the rough edges and graphical flaws because I knew they were there.
zigfried's avatar
The Revenge of Shinobi (Genesis)

The Revenge of Shinobi review (GEN)

Reviewed on March 14, 2005

As I later encountered soldiers in a churning boatyard, soldiers patrolling a mechanical labyrinth, soldiers waiting in a rusty scrapyard, soldiers inside an abandoned factory, soldiers perched outside a shopping center, and soldiers stationed in friggin' highway traffic... well I got pretty freaking sick of SOLDIERS.
zigfried's avatar
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening (PlayStation 2)

Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening review (PS2)

Reviewed on March 14, 2005

The question is however, how hard do you like your action? Do you enjoy a game steeped in technique and loaded with style? And if so, do you want it to kick your arse seven different ways to sunset, only to come back for more once the lights have gone out? If your reply was a confident sounding affirmative then hold on, I'm about to make your day.
midwinter's avatar
Sega Ages: Space Harrier (PlayStation 2)

Sega Ages: Space Harrier review (PS2)

Reviewed on March 14, 2005

The thing Harrier's got going for it (that even some newer titles lack) is an incredible sense of speed, which picks up even more by the 21st level. The completely redesigned scenery — trees, stone columns, icebergs, and sun-bleached bones — scrolls by at dangerous speeds, and enemies scream by so quickly that you only have a second or two to shoot before they're gone.
zigfried's avatar
Timeball (TurboGrafx-16)

Timeball review (TG16)

Reviewed on March 13, 2005

It's not often that a game comes along that alters the fabric of reality. Games that make you look back at the favorites of yesteryear and say "those weren't so special after all". Games that pull you into an orgasm just at the very sight of the decorative cover. Yes, those games are rare indeed.
zigfried's avatar
Steel Empire (Genesis)

Steel Empire review (GEN)

Reviewed on March 12, 2005

Blimps aren't the strongest selling point in this day and age, and they weren't a strong selling point back in 1992 either. Perhaps some people might enjoy the idea of gatling-toting, supercharged WWI aircraft flying into orbit and beyond, but the whole notion of sailing a blimp through an asteroid field struck me as being quite silly (and in this game's specific case, dull).
zigfried's avatar

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