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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Sprung (DS)

Sprung review (DS)

Reviewed on May 26, 2005

Sprung is being caught by your mother, jerking off to a lingerie catalogue. Sprung is feeling up your best friend's sister as he walks into the room. Sprung is a terrible, terrible game, and one that's every bit as embarrassing for UBI Soft as it is for players. Flawed in conception, doomed in execution, and about as titillating as a repressed Anglican housewife, the DS's only flirting sim proves to be a massive, if not inevitable, exercise in frustration.
midwinter's avatar
Pepsiman (PlayStation)

Pepsiman review (PSX)

Reviewed on May 23, 2005

The problem is though, how do you turn a popular series of TV advertisements into a half way decent video game? OK, so there's no easy answer. From a purely corporate perspective, you'd probably want to fill such a title with any number of product placements, perhaps even looping the campaign's catchy jingle as well. Right then, check, check and double check, but what of the game itself?
midwinter's avatar
JAST USA Memorial Collection (PC)

JAST USA Memorial Collection review (PC)

Reviewed on May 20, 2005

With its insane dialogue and crazy sex scenes, it's hard not to laugh at "lucky" Hiroaki's adventure. Towards the end, when Runaway City tries to equate charisma with rape, the game crosses the line from slapstick to unintentional hilarity.
fancypants's avatar
Kishin Douji Zenki FX: Vajra Fight (PC-FX)

Kishin Douji Zenki FX: Vajra Fight review (PCFX)

Reviewed on May 15, 2005

When the frog-like demon Razurou zooms by on his personal jet and the fast-paced battle music kicks in, it's hard not to be distracted by the ridiculous number of clouds scrolling through the sky, and that's part of what makes the ensuing battle so dangerous.
zigfried's avatar
The Secret of Monkey Island (PC)

The Secret of Monkey Island review (PC)

Reviewed on May 15, 2005

When you're not sweeping your mouse frantically across the screen searching for any objects you may have missed, you're trying to decode the humorous and engaging puzzles. When the solutions to said puzzles infuriatingly evade you, the laugh-out-loud moments the game throws your way eases your frustration.
EmP's avatar
Friday the 13th (NES)

Friday the 13th review (NES)

Reviewed on May 13, 2005

At first, youíll be reduced to throwing lowly rocks at a being so untouchable that, according to the films, shotgun blasts donít even affect him.
dogma's avatar
Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (Arcade)

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs review (ARC)

Reviewed on May 12, 2005

C&D is a monstrous freak, imprisoned in the cage of the side-scrolling beat-em-'up. The difference between this one and its more popular peers is its unrelenting willingness to be absolutely out of its mind. Any boundaries in the odd or hilarious set by Final Fight or Streets of Rage, C&D ignores with reckless abandon. The result is a title made wholly satisfying by its own outrageous spectacle.
dogma's avatar
RalliSport Challenge 2 (Xbox)

RalliSport Challenge 2 review (XBX)

Reviewed on May 11, 2005

With an impressive level of detail, the varied background elements and assorted weather conditions have come together to form an intoxicating rush of eye candy that evenly matches the speed at which players are experiencing it. Whether its the dusty red sands of the Australian Outback, complete with small shanty towns and the occasional windmill, or the lush Autumn colors of a backwoods English lane, players are sure to find themselves constantly lost in the moment.
midwinter's avatar
Giga Wing (Dreamcast)

Giga Wing review (DC)

Reviewed on May 08, 2005

While itís true that you can hang near the bottom of the screen and weave like nobodyís business, such tactics arenít nearly as much fun as worming your way right into the thick of things. Take out a foe from a distance and you can gather small icons that drift through the air. Really move in for the kill and as your adversary bursts into flames, massive remnants gravitate toward you and boost your score into the stratosphere.
honestgamer's avatar
Rumble Roses (PlayStation 2)

Rumble Roses review (PS2)

Reviewed on May 08, 2005

The first few notes of Yuka Watanabe's "The Spirit of Hawk" float through the crowded Rumble Roses arena with beauty and grace unbecoming of the Mongolian girl Aigle, a conveniently legal eighteen-year-old who "wants become great warrior like great father". She rides her big brown horse towards the ring, flashing a dignified smile at the crowd as her plump butt bounces up and down.
zigfried's avatar
Do You Like Horny Bunnies? (PC)

Do You Like Horny Bunnies? review (PC)

Reviewed on May 06, 2005

As Yukari finishes up with his chores and the restaurant winds down toward closing time, what will he do? You can have him clean the bathrooms, check the hallway, or just relax. No matter your decision, sex will likely result. Generally, it is preceded by emotional anguish, and the graphical depiction will be accompanied by plenty of bland descriptions of the sex.
honestgamer's avatar
King of the Monsters (NeoGeo)

King of the Monsters review (NEO)

Reviewed on May 06, 2005

The fun you might have been expecting stumbles and falls flat on its toothy face thanks to a sloppy fighting engine that employs a variety of pro wrestling holds Ė and a seemingly random chance for success.
sho's avatar
Super Off Road (SNES)

Super Off Road review (SNES)

Reviewed on May 05, 2005

Whereas playing alone gets old quickly, itís hard to tire of the multi-player option. The true fun here comes from consistently finishing just ahead of your human opponent, then talking trash as he can barely afford any upgrades in the garage and youíre busy buying expensive boosts for your motor.
honestgamer's avatar
Shining in the Darkness (Genesis)

Shining in the Darkness review (GEN)

Reviewed on May 05, 2005

Venture deeper, and your numerous skirmishes are the least of your worries. Pitfalls drop you gleefully to levels below; trick walls hide valuable chests and artefacts vital for your continuation; rotating floor-disks cunningly hidden from your view dizzily spin you on the spot when trod upon, disorientating and confusing the unwary.
EmP's avatar
Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (GameCube)

Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes review (GCN)

Reviewed on May 04, 2005

With the exception of a crate here and a computer there, not a single aspect of the original's outdated design has been altered; you can execute far more complex maneuvers now than you could during MGS1 Snake's hide-and-seek antics, but does it matter?
bluberry's avatar
Sonic Mega Collection Plus (PlayStation 2)

Sonic Mega Collection Plus review (PS2)

Reviewed on May 04, 2005

The hit games are as wonderful as I remember them being, featuring the speedy blue rodent ripping through Green Hill, Labyrinth, Oil Ocean, and Angel Island Zones, to name a few.
Masters's avatar
Welcome to Pia Carrot!! (PC-FX)

Welcome to Pia Carrot!! review (PCFX)

Reviewed on May 01, 2005

Nice man that he is, Yu's father offered his son an out of slaving the summer away at the Pia Carrot restaurant; a bit of a wager, if you will. "Earn high grades... and you're free to do whatever you want. I'll even pay for it." In this case, "whatever Yu wants" meant frolicking across summertime beaches chasing after bikini-clad vixens.
zigfried's avatar
Nintendogs (DS)

Nintendogs review (DS)

Reviewed on May 01, 2005

Even still, Nintendogs is a winner. It's a unique piece of entertainment that opens up the medium far beyond the usual crowd of casual gamers that fill out our ranks. Be it your sister who wants a dog but is sadly allergic to your mother who simply finds such a concept oddly fascinating, the mass market appeal of Nintendo's latest creation is certainly without equal.
midwinter's avatar
Sunset Riders (SNES)

Sunset Riders review (SNES)

Reviewed on April 30, 2005

SR humors us, and tells us lies. In chronological order, the first lie is that in the Old West, there were cowboys named Bob. I know one thing: Bob is not a cowboy. Bobs are office productivity consultants. Bobs arenít gun-wielding lawmen.
dogma's avatar
Looney Tunes: Space Race (Dreamcast)

Looney Tunes: Space Race review (DC)

Reviewed on April 30, 2005

The game depends too much on those gag items for its own good. There are moments where things get downright frantic and every racer seems to be throwing down anvils and storm clouds like theyíre going out of style. Racing jets are piling up everywhere and flying off the edge, and really itís either a total blast (because youíre surviving) or itís frustrating (because youíre not). It seems there are no in-betweens.
honestgamer's avatar

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