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Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Chain: The Lost Footprints (PC)

Chain: The Lost Footprints review (PC)

Reviewed on July 15, 2009

Chain: The Lost Footprints tries to offer a different sort of hentai experience. You've only been playing for a few minutes and already you've made two choices. Options don't typically come at the player so frequently in a genre known more for its one-handed play style. For that reason alone, the game initially feels different from the majority of its peers. Finally, you're an active participant instead of a voyeur. Will it continue to hold your interest, though?
honestgamer's avatar
What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord!? (PSP)

What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord!? review (PSP)

Reviewed on July 15, 2009

The retro graphics, retro music, and crazy monster-breeding are as charming as any self-proclaimed "hardcore oldschool" gamer could hope. Unfortunately, none of the game modes really let those who persevere run wild with their hard-earned skills; the time limit is too restrictive and the story mode's soil simply isn't fertile enough to raise a massive army befitting the God of Destruction.
zigfried's avatar
Metal Slug 7 (DS)

Metal Slug 7 review (DS)

Reviewed on July 15, 2009

Not the handheld trainwreck you might have been expecting.
EmP's avatar
Zuma (PlayStation 3)

Zuma review (PS3)

Reviewed on July 15, 2009

Zuma is a another budget priced puzzle/'casual' title from Popcap Games. Just like Bejewelled, it's all about making groups of the same colour disappear, but this time it's balls that you're popping, not gems. Please note that, throughout this review, we are avoiding any balls-related puns, because they're, well, balls.
Gamoc's avatar
Gauntlet: Dark Legacy (Game Boy Advance)

Gauntlet: Dark Legacy review (GBA)

Reviewed on July 15, 2009

In fact, nothing moves quickly. It's hard to be intimidated by enemy generals — gigantic warriors capable of unleashing powerful close-range attacks — when they're plodding towards you with the speed (sans menace) of a George Romero zombie. And the thought of Death draining my life or experience wasn't that terrifying after I realized he was less the grim reaper than a cranky old man with a cane.
overdrive's avatar
Operation Secret Storm (NES)

Operation Secret Storm review (NES)

Reviewed on July 13, 2009

I'm not sure what surprised me more: the fact I only had to deal with seven or eight enemies before encountering the level's boss or that I was fighting the national bird of the United States in Iraq! Perhaps Color Dreams was slyly protesting America's decision to leave the Middle East with Saddam in power by having players beat up a symbol of their country to show they had the mettle to take out the "DICK TATOR". Or perhaps, the programmers were idiots. Considering two later bosses were a genie on a magic carpet and a demonic creature, I'm leaning towards the "idiot" hypothesis.
overdrive's avatar
Cocoto Platform Jumper (Wii)

Cocoto Platform Jumper review (WII)

Reviewed on July 13, 2009

Platform Jumper looks like Rayman, plays like a lethargic Sonic and lifts the arcing attacks/temporary platforms from Rainbow Island. Notably, in aping games of actual worth, it manages to hobble together a Frankenstein’s monster of a title that actually works.
EmP's avatar
Let's Tap (Wii)

Let's Tap review (WII)

Reviewed on July 13, 2009

Let's Tap thinks outside the box. More specifically, right on top of it. The game offers up a hands-free control scheme where you place the Wii remote face-down on a box or flat surface. Tap nearby, and the vibrations travel to the remote and register as input. It'll even pick up the strength of the tremor.
woodhouse's avatar
Dawn of Discovery (Wii)

Dawn of Discovery review (WII)

Reviewed on July 12, 2009

Another feature that sets Dawn of Discovery apart from other simulation titles such as Civilization IV or SimCity is the occasional focus on maritime exploration. Instead of settling a single continent, you'll develop a bunch of smaller islands. This actually provides a unique dynamic, since you frequently come up against space constraints and also have to consider different fertility levels. For example, you might first land on an island where grain grows particularly well, but as your colony evolves from a simple fishing village into a city center, the people who live there will start craving hot spices, fashionable clothing and so forth.
honestgamer's avatar
Droplitz (Xbox 360)

Droplitz review (X360)

Reviewed on July 09, 2009

Even on the introductory levels, water drains too quickly from too many locations. It's easy to build up a solid chain of beautiful paths, only to watch it disappear in a flash as you're left scrambling to construct new paths while a steady stream of liquid trickles down through what formerly was a beautiful labyrinth but now is a complete mess. The obvious solution is to chain together new paths more quickly than they can disappear (an effort that has the added benefit of boosting your all-important score while also buying you precious seconds with which to plot your next move), but there's seldom sufficient time.
honestgamer's avatar
Annet Futatabi (Sega CD)

Annet Futatabi review (SCD)

Reviewed on July 09, 2009

zigfried's avatar
Drakan: The Ancients' Gates (PlayStation 2)

Drakan: The Ancients' Gates review (PS2)

Reviewed on July 08, 2009

As for Snotmaw, well, I have to admit watching and hearing an audience chanting "SNOTMAW! SNOTMAW! SNOTMAW!" made me feel like a pro wrestling jobber about to get pasted by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a match held deep in the heart of Texas......but he was just a typical Wartok who hit harder and took a lot more damage. All I had to do was slash, slash, roll backwards, wash, rinse, repeat to kill him with ease. Oh, and he somehow got stuck trying to move around the Kong's corpse, which gave me a good number of uncontested attacks while the big dummy flailed about helplessly. Kind of anticlimactic, if you ask me.
overdrive's avatar
Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1 - Launch of the Screaming Narwhal (PC)

Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1 - Launch of the Screaming Narwhal review (PC)

Reviewed on July 08, 2009

Still, this rebirth is in the hands of the adept Telltale Games, who recently revived Sam & Max, brought Strong Bad to tremendous interactive life, and rendered the quaint British tales of Wallace & Gromit in a mostly pleasing fashion. Aside from the original team, if anyone could successfully revitalise the Monkey Island franchise, it's these guys.
Lewis's avatar
Trine (PC)

Trine review (PC)

Reviewed on July 07, 2009

Intelligent but unpretentious, quaint yet brutal, Trine is regularly an absolute delight. Delve into the options menu and you can set it up for co-operative play - which allows all three players in the world at once - adding another level to the already wonderful puzzle-solving. But even alone, Trine offers five hours of invigorating, exciting, hybridised and enormously beautiful gaming. For a relatively low-key offering, it's brimming with confidence in its image and approach. That's what makes Trine so darling, even when that skeleton gets stuck on a rock while a hundred bats eat you to death.
Lewis's avatar
Robodemons (NES)

Robodemons review (NES)

Reviewed on July 06, 2009

There are a couple of skulls in the bottom half constantly shooting at you while you're trying to deal with top-half enemies, including tiny non-firing skulls that roll right under your boomering's path because the programming doesn't allow you to duck. You have to have a high degree of tolerance for the mindnumbingly stupid to persevere through this — and if, like me, you're a fan of Homestar Runner, you also have to avoid bursting into uncontrollable laughter upon realizing that in the platforming levels, your hero bears an uncanny resemblance to Senor Cardgage.
overdrive's avatar
Steambot Chronicles: Battle Tournament (PSP)

Steambot Chronicles: Battle Tournament review (PSP)

Reviewed on July 06, 2009

Probably the best moment came after Venus had lost her precious pendant. When I offered to steal her a new one, she launched into a tearful backstory explaining that it was the last remaining memento of her dead mother. My response? I nodded sagely and asked Venus what her measurements were.
zippdementia's avatar
FIFA Soccer 09 (Xbox 360)

FIFA Soccer 09 review (X360)

Reviewed on July 06, 2009

For me, FIFA '09 is a multiplayer game. One so aggressively combative it's become a potential friendship breaker.
EmP's avatar
Overlord II (PlayStation 3)

Overlord II review (PS3)

Reviewed on July 05, 2009

Pastoral scenes and even the menacing fairytale forest are gone, replaced by environs that seem to have been drawn with no discernible rhyme or reason from a hat labeled "whatever was left." The icy village that you once called your home is improbably bordered by a tiny cave that leads almost immediately to a lush forest populated by elves who preach peace and love for all creatures. In effeminate voices they protest your vile actions (which literally include sending your minions forth to club baby seals) as you break apart pots and vases and swing the camera around wildly in an effort to see through thick foliage presented as an assortment of paper-thin textures.
honestgamer's avatar
Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood (PlayStation 3)

Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood review (PS3)

Reviewed on July 04, 2009

It can be a bit much to take in all at once, but Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood delights in telling its twisted tale in an unconventional and sometimes surprising fashion. The next likely event is seldom clear as the player careens wildly from one volatile shootout to another, never far from disaster and a few profanity-laced one-liners. You might not always understand what just happened, but that's okay; the only details you really have to keep in mind to stay on top of things is that you're one of two treasure-seeking brothers and that your job is to shoot the crap out of anything that moves.
honestgamer's avatar
The Warriors (PlayStation 2)

The Warriors review (PS2)

Reviewed on July 03, 2009

As in the movie, they're a fictional gang, hoodlumming it up and down 1979 Coney Isle. The Warriors and a hundred other gangs are invited to a "no guns" meeting held by a very charismatic cat named Cyrus, whose noble dream is to unite the gangs and violently take over every aspect of the New York City underworld. Unfortunately, a psychotic misfit from the Rogues takes advantage of this opportunity to plug Cyrus in the chest, making the peaceful meeting decidedly less peaceful. For shame!
zigfried's avatar

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