Review Archives (Reader Reviews)

You are currently looking through reader reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

	Total Carnage review (ARC) Reviewed by disco on May 20, 2007 - # General Ahkboob is a bad, bad man. Armed with nothing but butchered English, bugging eyes, and psychotic grin, he’s converted a baby milk factory, a place normally used to feed the innocent youths of America, into a hive of scum and villainy. From this sinister lair, the madman has created an army of mutant freaks and technological abominations. He’s also kidnapped hundreds, if not thousands of reporters, tourists, and random bystanders and turned them into hostages and test subjects for his inh...
	Primal Rage review (GEN) Reviewed by goldenvortex on May 19, 2007 - # Blood! Gore! Dinosaurs!!!
	Custer's Revenge review (A2600) Reviewed by goldenvortex on May 19, 2007 - # If anyone finds Custer's Revenge disturbing, horrible or anything other than hilarious, then you've clearly got issues with your sense of humour. Sure, as far as games go, it's crap but when people tell me that it's tasteless, I just tell them to get a grip. Besides, the Atari 2600 had loads of really funny, yet horribly bad, “pornographic” games. Now, the reason I used that word in inverted commas is because that none of these games are anything but erotic or stimulating in any way. If you're p...
	Viewtiful Joe 2 review (PS2) Reviewed by skrutop on May 16, 2007 - # I went to college with a girl named Gina Tiranelli. I never really knew her until senior year, but she showed up in a lot of my Psychology c|asses all of the sudden. Through random chance, she and I wound up working together quite a bit. She was, hands down, the hottest woman I'd ever met, and is still in my personal top five. Viewtiful Joe 2 reminds me a lot of Gina Tiranelli.
	The History Channel: Civil War review (X360) Reviewed by johnny_cairo on May 16, 2007 - # During the rare occasions when the History Channel isn't airing something related to Nazis, they will cover this dark chapter in our nation's formative years. The Civil War! A conflict waged by men able to fire muskets accurately from hundreds of yards away, reload in a flash, and single-handedly decimate companies of weaker soldiers with awesome skill. In other words, here's the most intense combat of the 1860s rendered with the Call of Duty engine. Yes, it's every bit as snooze-inducing...
	Crack Down review (GEN) Reviewed by pickhut on May 14, 2007 - # At the beginning of the 21st century (we're a long way from that), an Artificial Life System was created. Of course, it didn't take long for some crazy doctor to use this system in an attempt to take over the world. Obviously, the government weren't having any of this. So, they send two special service agents, dressed in awesome spandex clothing, to destroy the heavily-guarded facility with guns and special (normal) time bombs. Their names? Ben and Andy. And you know with names like that, a whol...
	Pit-Fighter review (ARC) Reviewed by disco on May 14, 2007 - # As you step into the pit, the stench of cheap beer wafts into your nose. You can’t see very far in front of you; the florescent lights overhead only give off a meager glow, leaving nothing but moving shadows where the surrounding crowds should be. But even if you can’t see the people very well, you can hear them all too clearly. Amidst the curses, racial slurs, and drunken gibberish, you can sense that these patrons are ready to see some ass-kicking. In fact, that’s exactly what you’re here to d...
	Mortal Kombat 3 review (GEN) Reviewed by disco on May 13, 2007 - # Even though Shao Kahn is a sadistic overlord from another dimension, you’ve got to feel sorry for the guy. He’s granted his minions the power to invade the Earth Realm on two occasions, only to suffer defeat in return. It’s not like Shao Kahn, his shape-shifting subordinate Shang Tsung, and the rest of his cronies are a bunch of wimps; they just can’t keep up with their superior human foes mano-a-mano. However, such ego-deflating defeats have led him to try a different angle to his devious schem...
	Red Steel review (WII) Reviewed by sayainprince on May 11, 2007 - # Red Steel presents what I feel is an amazing formula for a game. Whoever came up with the idea to wrap together a Yakuza story with motion censored sword fighting and gunplay should be offered a medal for his brilliance. I mean that's an idea for a game that I can really get into! I was pumped for Red Steel! As it turned out, though, Ubisoft just wasn't the developer to be put in charge of making such a game. Red Steel doesn't do the idea any justice whatsoever, and the game falls flat on its fa...
	Phantom Dust review (XBX) Reviewed by carcinogen_crush on May 09, 2007 - # Imagine my surprise. I walked through the door of a random neighborhood game seller, nodded my brow to the register biscuits, looked around, and instead of finding the usual titles that fail to rub me the right way, I found. . .
	Warrior of Rome II review (GEN) Reviewed by pickhut on May 07, 2007 - # I was curious.
	Primal Rage review (GEN) Reviewed by disco on May 07, 2007 - # Welcome to Planet Urth! No, this post-apocalyptic wasteland is not the Earth that you used to know and love. Not too long ago, a giant meteorite crashed into our world, casting ruin and destruction across the globe. The impact shook the planet to its core, triggering severe earthquakes, tsunamis, and even (gasp!) global warming. Between the searing heat of the explosion and the radical shift of the continents, billions of people were killed in the catastrophe. Indeed, mankind as we know it has g...
	NetHack review (PC) Reviewed by viridian_moon on May 06, 2007 - # There’s a saying in the NetHack community that the DevTeam thinks of everything, and it’s true. The game is so deep and fully realized that it’s impossible to put down. Once you’re hooked, you keep coming back no matter how frustrating it gets sometimes, because NetHack isn’t just a game. It’s an addiction.
	Cybernator review (SNES) Reviewed by mardraum on May 06, 2007 - # Call it Assault Suits Valken, call it Target Earth 2, call it Cybernator. There are lots of things you can call this confusingly and frequently redubbed mech romp, but the sane among us who've played it will settle for awesome! On a system whose unsung sidescrollers shine the brightest over shallow Contra III and pushover Castlevania IV, Valken is at the very head of the pack, a system seller that never sold a system and a buried treasure that's o...
	Pokemon Pearl review (DS) Reviewed by disco on May 05, 2007 - # As the sun rises over the Sinnoh Region, children are leaving their homes by the hundreds. They aren’t attending school, nor are they running away from tough family situations and domestic abuse. In fact, their parents are waving goodbye from their doorsteps, secretly wiping tears from their eyes and hiding their emotions. They know that they may never see their sons or daughters for months, years, or ever again. Yet they allow the children roam free across the land, exploring every dank cave, w...
	Wii Play review (WII) Reviewed by disco on May 05, 2007 - # All things considered, Wii Sports is one of Nintendo’s best ideas in terms of promoting their new console. The game features a handful of games that anyone, regardless of their age and endurance, can actively play and enjoy. By using the WiiMote controller in place of actual sports equipment, you get to experience the games without the hassle of actually leaving your home. The best part about this little ensemble is that it comes free with the Wii; no sane consumer should have to shell ou...
	Streets of Rage Remake review (PC) Reviewed by turducken on May 05, 2007 - # Being a cop has to be the most boring job on Earth. As an avid videogame player, I have to come to this conclusion, as I can think of no game that portrays this career with even the remotest sense of accuracy. I mean, c’mon. Firefighters got Roscoe McQueen. Even postmen got Cliffie, the Beer-Drinking Postman. But every cop game either has you be a Ninja Cop, cop who has a super-tricked out spor...
	Resident Evil Gaiden review (GBC) Reviewed by hmd on May 05, 2007 - # Ask any video game fan on the internet what he (or she, if you aren't of the belief that women do not exist on the internet) thinks about the Resident Evil series. Every answer is the same: The first game was kinda-okay-ish. The second game was the greatest thing on the Playstation until Capcom saw fit to re-release the game a mind-boggling six
	5 Days a Stranger review (PC) Reviewed by darketernal on May 05, 2007 - # In my time I’ve played a lot of point and click adventure games. Ranging from the colourful and hilariously funny worlds of Lucasarts and Sierra, the clever and intriguing noir worlds of Revolution and numerous projects made by rival houses that make their games serious for the older players, I’ve marched through them all.
	Ganryu review (NEO) Reviewed by johnny_cairo on May 05, 2007 - # The infuriatingly generic Ganryu manages to disappoint on every level. At its very core, one can only assume it is meant to be a nostalgic throwback to the 2D side scrolling ninja slice-a-thons of yore. Despite being made in 1999, it plays even worse than Shinobi did over a decade earlier, not to mention there are no bizarre 14-dimensional alien bosses or hi-tech tomfoolery, no relentless waves of enemies to fend off. Every aspect is stripped down to a uniform plain of vani...

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