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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for PC games. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Noctropolis (PC)

Noctropolis review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Let me help you out. If you're checking this game out for the adult/sex factor, don't even bother. Succubus shows us nothing, and Stiletto shows us her breasts for like, two seconds. They're a rather nice set, granted, but you'd be better staying up and watching Porkys, or Fast Times at Ridgemont High for this kind of one-handed material. At least Fast Times had Phoebe Cates. And you can't beat Phoebe Cates for old time gratuitous nudity.
Masters's avatar
Rise of the Triad: Dark War (PC)

Rise of the Triad: Dark War review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Much of RotT isn't very memorable or special, which is something a game like this needs to be distinctive in a crowded FPS market, both at the time of its release, AND now. Fat monks and good graphics from far and close up graphics that are far from good isn't quite enough. Thankfully, there are great moments that help raise this game above the level of mediocrity, if only slightly. Well, only one great moment, really.
Masters's avatar
Jill of the Jungle (PC)

Jill of the Jungle review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Our protagonist, Jill, is an Amazon woman-type (girl power!), clad in a skimpy green outfit (guy power!). She's blonde (naturally) and brawny, and depending on what you choose to do with her, brainy as well. She can jump, climb ladders and vines, and can fling knives and spinning blades should she be so lucky to find them and so equip herself. But wait. Keep that quickening pulse in check!
Masters's avatar
Hocus Pocus Episode 1: Time Tripping (PC)

Hocus Pocus Episode 1: Time Tripping review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

The Land of Lattice is overseen by the Council of Wizards, a ruling body with great power and prestige, which you'd like to be part of one day. Fueling your resolve to this end is the matter of Popopa. That's your girlfriend (as if you didn't know!), and you'd like to marry her (Hocus! I implore you to reconsider! Why risk having your powers split down the middle when things inevitably go wrong!).
Masters's avatar
Dark Ages Episode 1: Prince of Destiny (PC)

Dark Ages Episode 1: Prince of Destiny review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

It will help if you’re already a fan of side-scrolling adventure games. If you can’t do without your Rastan, or your Legendary Axe, you will already be predisposed to having some fun with this little game. Your character is nameless, presumably so that you can think of him as yourself. Perhaps they should have left the bad guy nameless as well—his name is Garth. I doubt they were going for ''Garth Brooks''—maybe ''Garth Vader.''
Masters's avatar
Commander Keen Episode I: Marooned on Mars (PC)

Commander Keen Episode I: Marooned on Mars review (PC)

Reviewed on January 14, 2004

Billy Blaze is eight years old. And he's a genius. He's constructed what he calls a 'beans and bacon' spacecraft from miscellaneous slop he unearthed around his parents' house. When he dons his big brother's yellow football helmet and carries along with him his trusty pogo-stick, we know it is nighttime (got to make sure the folks are asleep, after all), and that he's heading to outer space. We know he is blazing trails of interstellar discovery and aggressive peacekeeping endeavors. We know he has become... Commander Keen!
Masters's avatar
Minesweeper (PC)

Minesweeper review (PC)

Reviewed on January 06, 2004

I've got too much time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it all
retro's avatar
Chip's Challenge (PC)

Chip's Challenge review (PC)

Reviewed on December 20, 2003

Crammed inside the miniature mysteries of Microsoft's pack-in puzzler Chip's Challenge is a larger conundrum that bears worth pondering. What kind of game is this, really, and who is it for? It's easy to picture people who normally are puzzle game fans becoming bored of it quite easily, but then again, who's to say they won't try and keep on keepin' on through all 144 levels of this 16-color riddle? What starts as a simple game to waste your time may evolve into a ruthless slave driver who deriv...
snowdragon's avatar
Doom (PC)

Doom review (PC)

Reviewed on December 18, 2003

Before there was 3.0 Ghz hyper-threaded processors. Before people had 1GB of DDR Ram. Before there was 128MB DDR video cards. Before all that crap... there was Doom.
shinnokxz's avatar
Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition (PC)

Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on December 18, 2003

Does Unreal Tournament, widely considered as one of the best first-person shooters around (if not the best!), even need to be introduced? Hell, for many, UT is even much more than that (i.e. the best FPS around). When Unreal was released, it did what many games hoped to do, but almost always miserably failed. It caught gamers’ attention, and caused them to show interest in a genre they once ignored, or maybe even despised. I personally never cared for first-person shooters before that glo...
siegfried's avatar
SimEarth (PC)

SimEarth review (PC)

Reviewed on December 17, 2003

Imagine if you will, a newborn planet. It is completely covered in flame and magma. Billions of years pass by in mere seconds, and this lava has hardened into rock. In the blink of an eye, many billions of years have passed once more, and your world is now covered in oceans. Single celled organisms begin to emerge and multiply in the vast oceans. Volcanoes erupt, creating the first continents. New species evolve, and many emerge out of the oceans to become land-dwellers. Forests now begin to cov...
jerec's avatar
Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition (PC)

Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Do you have any friends? Well, do you? If the answer to this dubious and revealing question is 'yes', then you simply cannot do without playing Unreal Tournament. But I am not good at First Person Shooter games! You whine, clearly unimpressed (and most likely hiding your negative response to the first question!). To this I say, it doesn't matter! like The Rock before he hung up his spandex briefs.
Masters's avatar
Wolfenstein 3D (PC)

Wolfenstein 3D review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

The German voices are probably the biggest aural highlight (achtung baby!), and the dogs certainly represent the most impressive show of the games graphics. Human enemies are large and menacing, but they have a squashed look to them that makes us take the whole thing less seriously than we should. It's as if the cast of River City Ransom was dropped into a pseudo 3D environment and given guns and awkward accents.
Masters's avatar
Raptor (PC)

Raptor review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

Raptor uses a vitality bar, so beginners won’t be intimidated as they would be by an R-Type-ish one hit wonder. That vitality bar can be extended if you’ve got enough money. Money can’t buy you love, but life - now there’s a perfectly reasonable investment.
Masters's avatar
God of Thunder (PC)

God of Thunder review (PC)

Reviewed on December 10, 2003

GoT (you’ve gotta admit, it’s one of the best acronyms in the world of gaming, ever: got GoT?) gives us a top-down perspective on the goings-on in the world of its hero, much like The Legend of Zelda. But don’t confuse the challenges of Asgaard with the strictly action–RPG swashbuckling of Hyrule; there is a lot more brainwork for Thor to do than bomb cave walls and pull tongues to open doors.
Masters's avatar
Worms 2 (PC)

Worms 2 review (PC)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

''It looks just like a cartoon!''
snowdragon's avatar
Star Trek: Judgment Rites (PC)

Star Trek: Judgment Rites review (PC)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away......
snowdragon's avatar
Progress Quest (PC)

Progress Quest review (PC)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

I had no idea what to expect when I was ushered into the world of Progress Quest by a couple of online acquaintances. I had been told, however, that it was a game unlike any I'd ever played and that the super-fast download was well worth the time. After unzipping and opening my 300kb file, I opened the game and saw that I was being treated to an MMORPG of sorts. The list of occupations and races was there and seemed fairly normal ..... but then I got to really looking at it. And I knew beyond a ...
snowdragon's avatar
Pocket Tanks (PC)

Pocket Tanks review (PC)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

You may not realize it, but this game has been around in some form or another since (you won't believe this) (you just won't) (I swear it on my life) the 80s. Yes, back when Cosby was everyone's paradigm of humor and people took you totally seriously when you did things like say ''Gag me with a spoon'' or bust out with the Safety Dance. This game's very oldest pappy was programmed in a strange archaic computer language called QBASIC (I can see all you young whippersnappers scratchin' yer heads i...
snowdragon's avatar
King's Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder (PC)

King's Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder review (PC)

Reviewed on December 09, 2003

Once again, it's time to dip into my Hotmail inbox, where once in a while I rummage down far enough past the debt consolidation messages and annoyingly persistent offers to ''enlarge [myself] safely and naturally'' to locate a message worth reading. Ah, here's one! Let us peruse its inner details. Ahem:
snowdragon's avatar

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