Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by dogma and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Snatcher review (SCD)Reviewed on March 04, 2005ACT I |
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Comix Zone review (GEN)Reviewed on January 10, 2005Traditionally, the side-scrolling beat-‘em-up takes place in the filthy metropolises where transgression prevails. Youthful but careless boyfriends team up with musclebound mayors in efforts to retrieve kidnapped girlfriends and to send crime lords to justice. Along the way, they face four hundred fellows named “Bred” and eat the radioactive ham that they find crammed into dumpsters to replenish the ultimate determiner of possible success: the energy bar. An inestimable number of thugs stand bet... |
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Parasite Eve review (PSX)Reviewed on January 08, 2005It's the night before Christmas, and the visage of the Statue of Liberty is solemn. A panning camera slides briefly across the New York cityscape, but pauses to contemplate this peculiarity. A sparse snow is falling, and Liberty's lips are puckered in a pout, her head tilted downward looking worryingly at the ever-present hustle below, a thin blotch cascading from the melancholy right eye and down the cheek. Is it a tear? |
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Ninja Baseball Bat Man review (ARC)Reviewed on November 24, 2004You know you’re playing a beat-‘em-up if your brutish, hulking warrior, hellbent on vengeance, finds his only respite from his henchmen-bloodying efforts in the form of consuming a hamburger he found in a dumpster. |
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Metal Slug 2 review (ARC)Reviewed on October 25, 2004For a lesson in genuine gaming rapture, see Metal Slug 2 -- the follow-up to the phenomenal Metal Slug, a marriage of gruesome warfare and peculiar, cartoon-like attitude and atmosphere. It was an ideal example of competent, silly animation -- a veritable caricature of the classic 2D shooter Contra, including the reflexive bullet dodging and mass-slaughtering with the added bonus of a true sense of tender charisma. Your heart would warm as the golden boy of an infantry -- bl... |
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DoDonPachi review (ARC)Reviewed on March 19, 2004Take your average vertical shooter with its overused spaceships with their pellet-shooters. Now bring it to life. Add a giant frickin piss laser and the result is DoDonPachi (translated roughly to “The DonPachi,” or “The asskicker”), an exercise in excess that presents insane bullet-dodging challenge and the single most devastating weapon ever put at the disposal of the player. I'm not talking about some puny bullets being shot out; I'm talking about a never-ending stream of agonizing ... |
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Sim Golf review (PC)Reviewed on February 13, 2004Spare me the responsibility of running an entire community that struggles with basic city troubles like dangerous crime, disgusting pollution, nuclear meltdowns and giant radioactive man-eating beasts crawling up the skyscrapers -- I'd much rather kick back with SimGolf, where my biggest objective is satisfying players with interesting holes, scenic views, and a variety of useful facilities. Buying a piece of land in the arid desert of Phoenix or tropical Hawaii provides its own sets of c... |
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Seasons of the Sakura review (PC)Reviewed on February 01, 2004I look at Seasons of the Sakura and I think to myself, ''hey, this is bad! I'm doing more for these anime girls than I would probably do for real ones!'' |
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WarioWare, Inc: Mega Microgame$! review (GBA)Reviewed on January 31, 2004I see a game like Wario Ware Inc: Mega Microgames being played from the passenger seat by a gamer tired of looking out the window on a drab car ride. |
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The Adventures of Bayou Billy review (NES)Reviewed on January 18, 2004Admittedly, The Adventures of Bayou Billy is usually unsatisfactory, uninviting, and outrageous. The storyline is pure putrid poppycock! From the outset, the game seems a bit hopeless; what was Konami thinking? Does this title have a purpose? |
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Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball review (XBX)Reviewed on January 18, 2004Make no mistake: this is not a traditional experience. There is no alien race to shoot down in your airship before they invade the earth and exterminate humanity. There is no noble hero, taking up a sword to battle through an evil empire in hopes of rescuing a damsel in distress. In fact, there are ONLY damsels, and none of these beauties are in any kind of distress. The only grief these dolls may have had was finding out they’ve been invited to Zack Island, where they were expecting to find ano... |
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Hot Shots Golf 3 review (PS2)Reviewed on January 17, 2004There's little to dislike about Hot Shots Golf 3, a simulation if not a bit too cartoony, a childlike representation of the sport if not a bit too realistic and unforgiving in the early going. It will likely find appeal with all audiences, even those not really jumping at the opportunity to play a golf game. Unlocking new items, equipment, features, golfers of varying abilities and diverse courses, plus entering tournaments to fill your trophy room, will guarantee some longevity for the t... |
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Violent Storm review (ARC)Reviewed on January 10, 2004Admittedly, there are many games that I would slap under the heading of “Final Fight clone.” There are two reasons that FF is the achievement by which all other side-scrolling beat-em-‘ups are measured: its astounding quality (at least in its original, arcade form), and second, because the genre doesn’t exactly allow for a whole lot of variation, and FF just happens to be the title that most people first remember when they consider the genre. Walking from left to right and smacking the snot out ... |
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Kung Fu Chaos review (XBX)Reviewed on December 30, 2003I could sit here all day and blow sunshine up your butt, telling you that Kung Fu Chaos doesn’t take stereotypical jabs at those memorable 1970s-era cheesy martial arts films with horrid English translation and disturbing “special effects.” I would be lying — this Power Stone-meets-mini-games brawler literally depends on its players having prior awareness of the atrociously corny, irresistibly goofy movies that occupy overnight time slots on cable networks. You bet KFC is stereotypical — every t... |
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