Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Tagin' Dragon review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 When you eat warm food, you feel warmer, especially if it is a juicy, mouth-watering sirloin steak you just took a bite out of.
	Pesterminator review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 With a name like Kernel Kleanup, how can you lose? Easily, that's how. For one thing, the dorks at Western Exterminator and Color Dreams didn't even spell it right. It's Colonel, not Kernel. And he must think he's got that rat right where he wants him, what with the hammer cleverly hidden behind his back and all. Still, a wave of familiarity will hit you like a brick in the face even you've never played this game. How so? Well, odds are you've probably seen this guy on the Mossimo shirts from ba...
	Gyromite review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 When Nintendo came about from its humble foray into arcades to raise a home console system, they felt this strange need to categorize all their games for you. You had the Sports Series, the Adventure Series, even the Programmable Series, and so on and so forth. Each of their conveniently labeled genres lived up to their silly monikers and earned Nintendo a spotless reputation. What is startling but not altogether surprising to find out now, however, is that most of these games have aged like che...
	Mr. Gimmick review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I've played some mighty weird games in my tenure here as a reviewer. One allowed you to swim through a sea of milk and featured an evil tapir as the final boss. Another placed you in the role of a blue blob whose primary line of offense consisted of projectile vomiting his nucleus at his aggressors. Still another game allowed you to grow a raccoon's tail and use it as a flying implement whenever you collected something so simple as a leaf. Granted, that last one turned out to be massively popula...
	Urban Champion review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 In 1984, Nintendo was the luckiest company on the face of the gaming planet. With Atari taking a shameful nosedive into oblivion, Nintendo had a clean slate on all fronts. After moving the foundations of the arcade scene, Nintendo seized the opportunity to make a boatload of games that everybody could enjoy. There were games for the sports enthusiast, games for the new rising breed of platforming fans, and enough quirky small packages of miscellany to keep all gamers on their toes.
	Taboo: The Sixth Sense review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I suppose it's not fair that I went into Taboo: The Sixth Sense with a predisposition to dislike it. Then again, it's reasonable not to expect much from a non-game whose sole purpose is to give you the most obtuse answer possible to any given question. Taboo falls into its own special category along with a handful of other games designed solely to piss off the average gamer, because it's not a game. It's a short, five-minute activity that was poorly passed off as an exciting product that could h...
	Seicross review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I have no idea what this game is really about. All I know is that of the four games that came with my $2 NES, it was the only one I had never heard of. The label on the cartridge is standard 80's artistry - rides on hovering bikes sideswiping each other on a futuristic landscape. It elucidated little of the mystery within save for rudimentary aesthetic details. Hesitant though I was, I knew it would have to be the first game I tried out. After a short session of rigorously blowing on the pin con...
	Mach Rider review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 As we in the States sit down this coming Thanksgiving to realize the convenience of our bountiful possessions and remind ourselves what terminally insane relatives we have, my mind turns first to video games. I am thankful for the sweet escape they provide from the pressures of reality, and that I have a wide array of genres to choose from when I am bored. I may want to beat the tar out of a few of my enemies with a little Street Fighter or save the world with my awe-inspiring platforming skills...
	Guerilla War review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Think back to a time when a shoot-em-up game could more accurately have been dubbed a blow-em-up; a time when violence in video games was the last thing on Joe Lieberman's mind; a time when a game didn't have to go through a million metal detectors only to become a pathetic distilled version of its original powerful self that could barely stand up on its own two tank treads. Yes, the glory days of the NES played host to a number of action-packed games where if you were carrying a souped-up machi...
	Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, better known by their respective monikers of Bill S. Preston, esq. and Ted Theodore Logan, have clearly been established in pop culture history as the spokesmen for an entire generation of drooling slackers and rock-addled dimwits. What do they stand for? Peace and harmony attained through stirring rock-and-roll ballads in the tradition of such greats as Van Halen and Led Zeppelin. What do they believe in? That's easy: they believe above all in being most excellent ...
	Bible Adventures review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Blast! Sunday has been looming well nigh for lo, a good twelve hours now, and now I wake up to find I am afflicted with sinuses. Gooey green liquid pours out of every orifice in my face, and you can bake a cake by keeping time with me - I hack up a new glob of sputum every thirty minutes on the dot.
	The Adventures of Tom Sawyer review (NES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Mothers, lock up your daughters and put the cows out to pasture, because what is this we have here? Why, it's a game based on the Mark Twain novel about a boy named Tom Sawyer and his adventures along the mighty Mississippi! I don't know who decided that classic 19th-century American literature is good source material for a video game, but it's a relief to see that at least someone was willing to explore the possibility. Now that Mark Twain has been dead for nearly a century, however, he has no ...
	Worms 2 review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 ''It looks just like a cartoon!''
	Star Trek: Judgment Rites review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away......
	Progress Quest review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 I had no idea what to expect when I was ushered into the world of Progress Quest by a couple of online acquaintances. I had been told, however, that it was a game unlike any I'd ever played and that the super-fast download was well worth the time. After unzipping and opening my 300kb file, I opened the game and saw that I was being treated to an MMORPG of sorts. The list of occupations and races was there and seemed fairly normal ..... but then I got to really looking at it. And I knew beyond a ...
	Pocket Tanks review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 You may not realize it, but this game has been around in some form or another since (you won't believe this) (you just won't) (I swear it on my life) the 80s. Yes, back when Cosby was everyone's paradigm of humor and people took you totally seriously when you did things like say ''Gag me with a spoon'' or bust out with the Safety Dance. This game's very oldest pappy was programmed in a strange archaic computer language called QBASIC (I can see all you young whippersnappers scratchin' yer heads i...
	King's Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 Once again, it's time to dip into my Hotmail inbox, where once in a while I rummage down far enough past the debt consolidation messages and annoyingly persistent offers to ''enlarge [myself] safely and naturally'' to locate a message worth reading. Ah, here's one! Let us peruse its inner details. Ahem:
	Home Alone 2 review (PC) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 A lot of the things wrong with America seem to be Macaulay Culkin's fault in some way. Thanks to The Pagemaster, kids are turned off from reading books. Ted Danson, a respectable actor even when paired with Kirstie ''Ugly-As-Sin Ice Queen'' Alley on Cheers, never fully recovered from the repeated blows to the groin and spleen that came together to form Getting Even With Dad. Macaulay Culkin was also the first child star I remember watching - almost voyeuristically, it seems - as he slid freely a...
	Daze Before Christmas review (SNES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 All around us, people are heralding the joyous events occurring roundabout the end of December. Families are dragging tangled balls of lights and fragile ornaments from their attics; perennial Christmas movies and specials are already littering the TV networks; the video game industry is gearing up for a projected season of record-setting sales with state-of-the-art new action blockbusters and fantastic RPGs. Me, I've been doing something GameFAQs regulars might appreciate but that the average l...
	Tom and Jerry review (SNES) Reviewed on December 09, 2003 From the Book of Snow Dragon, Volume XLIV, chapter 2, verses 18-22, row 4, seat J:

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