Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Pool of Radiance review (NES) Reviewed on April 21, 2004 As any fan of retro role-playing games can tell you, the Nintendo Entertainment System and Sega Master System were the originators of the console RPG. Games like Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy on the NES and Phantasy Star on the SMS became inspirations for multitudes of games spanning generations of systems.
	The Tick review (SNES) Reviewed on April 20, 2004 Friends and neighbors, I have just returned from an exhausting sojourn. Not long before I left, my chin was smooth and my face was untarnished by age, but now I return to you with a long, straggling beard and many a wrinkle, wart, and pockmark on a visage once considered worthy of a goddess's kiss. Before my arduous voyage, I enjoyed the meat of the land with great voracity - some would say to disgusting excess. No more is my body a reflection of this enjoyment, though; my journey wore me down t...
	EyeToy: Play review (PS2) Reviewed on April 19, 2004 The other day two of my buddies and I were just sitting in my room when all the sudden these ninjas come out of no where and started attacking us. At first, we kept getting hit but eventually we were able to stop their onslaught. It was pretty freaking crazy; we didn’t even realize what was happening. Even worse, a little later we got attacked by this huge boxing robot. I don’t know what the hell that guy was thinking, but we pummeled him just like we were Muhammad Ali. Three soft jabs with the ...
	Burger Time review (NES) Reviewed on April 18, 2004 Several times, Sammy has come face to face with the white devil, only to find himself choking and sputtering on salt as the deviant rushed past. While it's true that the chef has only a limited supply of salt, he can pick up more containers throughout the area (and oft is wont to do so). When a soldier like Sammy is stunned on salt, it's all too easy to fall to his doom before he has a chance to recover.
	Devil World review (NES) Reviewed on April 18, 2004 Satan may steeple his fingers with reserved glee every time a company releases the next Vice City, but deep down, we all know that the Prince of Darkness has a soft spot for the classics. Even in the early 1980s, he was busy at work planting the seeds of moral destruction in games like Pong and Pitfall!, or so the radical right will have you hear. And boy, was his mean streak really showing the day E.T. hit stores! But of all the gaming waters the devil has tainted with his poison fingertip, thi...
	Gladius review (XBX) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 The moves characters can learn are determined by class. Even within that limiting structure, though, the player is forced to make decisions. Each character will have an assortment of moves available, but you must choose the ones you feel best suit your fighting style. The game cautions you that a lack of foresight will cause things to grow more difficult for you, and it isn't joking.
	Casino Kid review (NES) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 When you first load up Casino Kid, you’ll be greeted -- after a little screen introducing you to the tough world of high-stakes gambling -- with a view that will make you think of an RPG. Bear with me. You can move around and talk to characters in a casino, complete with tacky seventies pink and black checkerboard carpeting and ostentatious indoor plants. But when you first have a little dialogue with fellow casino patrons you’ll begin to suspect that the rich, intense world you had envisioned i...
	Madden NFL 2004 review (PS2) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 As a matter of political correctness, it’s somewhat taboo to talk about religion in reviews these days, but bear with my tangential introduction, because I have recently come to an important revelation. You see, I was raised as a Christian, which means I worship Jesus Christ, a Jewish preacher out of Nazareth, as my Lord and Savior: the embodiment of God on earth. Other religions revere inestimably holy prophets or wise men who have pointed the way to salvation -- for instance, Mohammed for Musl...
	XIII review (PS2) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 Let's just say, this case has a distinct smell to it, a certain paranormal bouquet. -- Fox Mulder, The X-Files.
	Rise to Honor review (PS2) Reviewed on April 15, 2004 It’s hard not to become interested in Sony’s latest action-adventure game Rise to Honor (RtH) because of the main character, Kit Yun. “Kit Yun” may not be a familiar name, but Kit’s character is built around the ever popular action-film star Jet Li, who was completely rendered, motion captured, and voiced for the game. Through the game’s introduction, we’re told that Kit is a bodyguard for a notorious leader of a Hong Kong crime syndicate. However, things aren’t always so two-dimen...
	Toilet Kids review (TG16) Reviewed on April 15, 2004 Us poor folks in America sure have gotten the short end of the stick haven’t we? Doesn’t it just seem like so many excellent and wonderful games from yesteryear never got released in our country? Sure, you can download ROMs, translation patches and all that jazz to play a number of these games now, but wouldn’t it have been nice to go to your local store to buy Dragon Quest 6, Star Ocean or a Parodius game, so you could play them before they earned that ever-so-chic “retro” reputation?
	Grandia II review (DC) Reviewed on April 14, 2004 Do you want to know what’s uncommon? A decent Dreamcast RPG. Do you want to know what’s even rarer? A console RPG with a fun battle system. So many games in this genre have provided us with epic plotlines, lengthy sidequests and memorable characters, but I honestly can’t think of any off the top of my head that had enjoyable battles. Now that I’ve played Grandia II I don’t have to rack my brain thinking if such a game exists.
	Poly Play review (ARC) Reviewed on April 13, 2004 There's still a small type of disgruntled deluded folks who think that Communism could or should actually work. They overlap well with gamers: lazy slobs who want something for nothing. These amateur politicians who have that perfect political philosophy pinned down between levels of Super Mario Brothers 3 and forget it because, well, they were swept up in the life and thoughts people ought to have are sadly deluded. They probably think the government's going to hand them a bag of quarters a wee...
	Wings of Wor review (GEN) Reviewed on April 13, 2004 Shooters on the Genesis have let us pilot just about every form of craft ever conceived. Count the numerous times we have solely saved the galaxy at the controls of some futuristic ship, armed to the teeth with the most advanced lasers. Remember how we destroyed entire forces, in our planes and helicopters, leaving tanks smoking in our wake. Gynoug - or Wings of Wor - strays from this well trodden path, giving us the chance to don wings and take to the sky, to rid the planet Iccus of an evil mut...
	Wings of Wor review (GEN) Reviewed on April 12, 2004 Welcome Wor. Brace up, you've got a nasty business ahead to be sure. Six levels of side-scrolling shooting action await you. Spread your ethereal wings and steel your warrior's heart, because this Genesis mission offers up more sheer bullet count -- more grotesquerie -- than you'll likely be prepared for.
	Bump 'n' Jump review (ARC) Reviewed on April 12, 2004 When I was young, I liked car crashes. In theory. Cars still scared me especially when I had major streets to cross, but I enjoyed signs depicting dangerous conditions on roads and dreamed of participating in an accident one day, not fully appreciating what this meant. The closest I came was falling off a Big Wheel, which ended in tears and a band-aid. Still, I certainly seemed to have more fun with cars than my mother, who preferred complaining about bad drivers and kids running out in the stre...
	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers review (GCN) Reviewed on April 12, 2004 One ring to rule them all
	Wizard of Wor review (ARC) Reviewed on April 12, 2004 In 1980, Midway released into US arcades a coin-op maze game which was to become a cultural phenomenon. It was intuitive to play, cute and brilliantly designed, and was even as popular with the girls as it was with the boys. That game was the Namco-designed Pacman.
	Hokuto no Ken: Seiki Matsukyu Seishi Densetsu review (PSX) Reviewed on April 11, 2004 Yeah, I had seen quite a bit of the TV show, and it was alright. The movie sucked. But the video game, OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD. Call me a "Fist" fan, effective immediately!
	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers review (GCN) Reviewed on April 08, 2004 The trouble with The Two Towers, which chronicles the middle chapter (beginning with Frodo still in the care of The Fellowship) of the series, is that it pays so much obvious loving attention to the movie it is borne of, that the gameplay elements seem an afterthought, left under-ripe and wholly unsatisfying. Powerful cinematic moments such as The Battle at Helm's Deep are reduced to novelty, superfluous small screen re-enactments followed up rather clumsily by limited, repetitive Golden Axe-esque gameplay. You'll remember Golden Axe? Perhaps not -- it's a very old game. It featured three characters: one fast, one strong, and one in-between. And so, meet Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn.

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