Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Twinkle Tale review (GEN)Reviewed on December 24, 2008Sadistic level design will try its best to prevent your strength-conserving efforts. In its attempt to maim and weaken you, you’ll find yourself weaving through a sea of rolling boulders while blasting oozing slime creatures in a castle, negotiating a monster-infested ravine where one misstep will send you sailing over the edge at the expense of health, or trekking through a dark cave where enemies appear infinite and nearly invisible ghouls sap your magical power at the slightest touch. |
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Guardians/Denjin Makai II review (ARC)Reviewed on December 24, 2008Picture yourself as a buxom beauty, your long blonde hair flowing in a ponytail as you sprint across the scorched desert sands of an oil field, your thigh-high white heeled boots kicking up puffs of silt and debris. Generic, gray uniformed enforcers decorated in visors and body armors of red and blue confront with fists drawn. You’re Kurokishi, trusted guardian of peace and love. They’re up to no good. In this genre, those circumstances suffice. |
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Golden Axe review (GEN)Reviewed on December 24, 2008Golden Axe for the Sega Genesis will always be one of those memorable moments from my childhood. It was such a simple title, but that's why I liked it; when I wasn't in the mood to play one of my other favorite, yet lengthy games, like Sonic 3 & Knuckles, Dynamite Headdy, or Dune: The Battle for Arrakis, I'd pop my "modified", Japanese cartridge of GA into the Genesis. And even though it was short, I would keep coming back to it again and again to hack and slash my way through Deat... |
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Daikatana review (GBC)Reviewed on December 24, 2008Due to fancy time/space manipulation, Hiro has his own Daikatana, but his version of the sword has no magic power. Fortunately, for a villain, Kage is remarkably helpful and repeatedly decides to assert his power over your group by teleporting them to various time periods — where Hiro can get his sword powered up by helping the right folk. Why doesn't Kage just use his power to kill Hiro and end his pitiful rebellion? Well, due to the laws of physics or some other hogwash, if two versions of the Daikatana collide, everything goes boom due to creating a paradox or whatever. |
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Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories review (PS2)Reviewed on December 24, 2008A departure from the hit-the-x-button gameplay of the rest of the series, this system is lauded as either brilliantly strategic or pathetically broken. I myself call it strategically pathetic, but I like it nonetheless. |
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Indigo Prophecy review (PS2)Reviewed on December 23, 2008It’s around here that Marcus stops worrying about his mental health and starts trying to be middle America’s answer to Chow Yun Fat on a tabletop-sized slab of LSD. It’s about here you may want to start thinking about employing your console’s off switch. |
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Dynowarz: The Destruction of Spondylus review (NES)Reviewed on December 23, 2008And after seven sequences of this, it all abruptly ends. No more muted, garish colors. No more laughable showdowns. No more trying to hit a miniature velociraptor with a stupid arcing bomb because the power-up literally blocked your path on the opposite side of a gorge, forcing you to die or collect it. |
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Lot Lot review (NES)Reviewed on December 23, 2008If this sounds a bit more like a drawn-out chore than an actual puzzle, it is. You’re merely switching contents around and waiting for membranes to give way as you keep one square completely cleared to avoid losing. Keep swinging contents further from the bottom left toward the top right, or toward gaps that lead to scoring channels and rid the problem with immediacy. Worse, this is all done at an agonizingly slow pace. Like most any puzzle game, lather-rinse-repeat applies. |
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Guitar Hero: On Tour - Decades review (DS)Reviewed on December 21, 2008Organization stands out as the major selling point of Guitar Hero: On Tour - Decades. Traditionally, games from this successful rhythm franchise grouped songs only by difficultly. Weezer would sit right next to Blondie; the Foo Fighters back to back with Boston. Here music is arranged by time period, so you'll find one steaming pile of Fall Out Boy, The All-American Rejects and Paramore rather than stumbling upon them throughout the ga... |
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From the Abyss review (DS)Reviewed on December 20, 2008It’s a worthless way to live. Everyone will tell you otherwise, of course. They’ll say that you’re valiantly defending your homeland. That you’re saving countless innocents for your daily sacrifices. They promise to pay you handsomely for your efforts. But it’s all a sham, a pathetic ploy that appeals to only those foolish enough to believe they’re actually heroes. These warriors put their lives on the line, all in the name of the country of Rubenhaut. But in the end, none of their brave efforts... |
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The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion review (PC)Reviewed on December 19, 2008This is the thing with Oblivion. Just as you manage to suspend disbelief and let the high-fantasy tide wash over you, something completely moronic happens and you're thrown rather aggressively back to the dismal reality of sitting in front of a screen, playing an embarrassingly geeky computer game. I'm never usually one to moan about glitches all that much, but when they regularly remove you from the whole experience, it's difficult not to let it hamper your fun. |
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Shadow Hearts review (PS2)Reviewed on December 18, 2008There's a lot of complaints about role playing games nowadays. People say they are nothing more than glorified books, with stale battle systems (I got to push X again? Sigh.), boring storylines (save the damsel in distress or save the world from an evil madman in some ancient fantasy land!), and redundant fetch quests. And they'd be right. As big of a RPG fan as I am, I can admit to the flaws of the genre, and I wished a game would come along and break all the stereotypes and blow me away. |
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Everyday Shooter review (PS3)Reviewed on December 17, 2008I don’t care what you’re doing, it’s instantly way cooler when things are exploding and someone’s riffing on a guitar behind it. That you’re the cause of these explosions and riffs makes Everyday Shooter not only amazingly cool, but also extremely addictive. |
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Europa Universalis III Complete review (PC)Reviewed on December 17, 2008Approximately a year ago, Jason Venter reviewed the vanilla version of Europa Universalis III for this very site. Jason articulately chronicled his rise to power as Calais in the fifteenth century, writing of how rebels would easily seize territory and he would hastily be defeated. Mr.Venter discovered, very quickly, the importance of being a competent leader. The people do not respond well to being constantly drafted into the forces, nor do they appreciate needlessly high taxes. If you are a fair ruler and concentrate on appeasing the masses (along with your neighbours) then the game makes for a very pleasant experience. |
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March! Offworld Recon review (PC)Reviewed on December 16, 2008If March-exclamation-mark-Offworld Recon had simply flashed up a load of static images of killer robots and huge chain-guns, layered on top of its preposterous midi-techno soundtrack, I'd have had a hell of a lot more fun. This is a first-person shooter with about as much personality and intrigue as a beige wall. There's far less context to it all than the original Doom. It manages to spectacularly predate a fifteen-year-old game in every conceivable way apart from when it was released. |
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Chrono Trigger review (DS)Reviewed on December 15, 2008The best addition to the game proves to be the use of the DS to redesign the menus and controls, and the dual screen functionality which makes viewing the menus a breeze. It might not be much more than a fresh look at the classic, but then fans weren’t really looking for a reinvention. |
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Bleach: Shattered Blade review (WII)Reviewed on December 15, 2008Almost every character in Bleach carries a sword, which opens up Shattered Blade to a swashbuckling Wii control scheme. Of course, this one-on-one fighting game doesn't tell you what those swords, those zanpakuto, mean; they're the manifestation of spiritual power. It doesn't explain how Ichigo Kurosaki, a roughnecked teen, came to carry one, or how he suddenly found himself traveling between the human and spirit worlds as a substitute Soul Reaper, defending his friends a... |
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Nancy Drew Dossier: Lights, Camera, Curses! review (PC)Reviewed on December 15, 2008Despite my worst fears, Nancy Drew has not undergone a lobotomy. Lights, Camera, Curses! is the premier of the Nancy Drew Dossier series, designed specifically for detectives crunched for time. But even though it requires less brain power to solve, Curses still shows the super sleuth at her resourceful best. |
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Ninjatown review (DS)Reviewed on December 15, 2008Ninja Gaiden? Ninja Raiden? Forget those, this is an entire game about a town of ninjas. Ninjatown takes two things they most probably hadn’t ever expected to see together: cute animated ninjas based on a plush toy line, and the classic idea of a tower defense scenario. If you’re expecting to boot up the game and find bad dialogue and easy levels however, you’d better scoot on back down to your local game store and turn in this game for Resident Evil. Do not let Ninjatown’s cute, pastel flooded ... |
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Hot Pinball review (ARC)Reviewed on December 15, 2008The theme of each board? Health class diagrams of the female reproductive system! |
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