Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Deadly Towers review (NES) Reviewed on October 18, 2007 It just isn’t fun to take novice hero Prince Meyer through corridors littered with non-threatening bouncing slime-like things — only to unexpectedly get whisked away to a maze loaded with animal-headed humanoids capable of disemboweling him with one hit. It’s really not fun to have to run aimlessly through these places in hopes that you’ll get lucky and find the exit before something kills Meyer. And it’s REALLY REALLY not fun to actually escape one of these places, only to blunder into another 15 seconds later.
	Halo 3 review (X360) Reviewed on October 18, 2007 But if asked to sum up what Halo 3 is without the narrative poise, it’s still an easy answer: it’s just like Halo 2.
	The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass review (DS) Reviewed on October 18, 2007 Phantom Hourglass is a bore. It takes the same tired gameplay we’ve been seeing for 20 years and throws some touch-screen functionality on it. Does the touch screen add much to the game? Not really. For every way in which it helps the gameplay, it also hinders it. It’s the definition of gimmick. For all but the most die-hard Zelda fans, Phantom Hourglass will be a long, boring trial to keep yourself awake.
	Looney Tunes: Duck Amuck review (DS) Reviewed on October 17, 2007 In Duck Amuck, your goal is not to save the princess, or to make Daffy as wealthy as possible, or to show Bugs Bunny once and for all which mascot is superior. You aren't even sparing the cartoon world an invasion from Marvin the Martian. In fact, though Daffy is clearly the star of the show, you're not helping him do anything great at all. Instead, you're trying to ruffle his feathers. You win the game when he gets so angry that he blows his top. That's it. End of story.
	Requital review (PC) Reviewed on October 15, 2007 Requital finds itself more realised than Two Worlds, but simply not on the same tier as Oblivion.
	Tales of Symphonia review (GCN) Reviewed on October 14, 2007 When you hear the word GameCube what is the first thought that seeps into your brain? Nintendo franchises pummeling it out in Super Smash Brothers Melee? Probably. A demonic Spanish-speaking farmer advancing towards you, pitchfork in hand, straight from Resident Evil 4? Maybe that too. An RPG though? Never! This is quite true as the poor Cube, or even the ill-fated Nintendo 64, never saw many games from the genre. In a small handful of RPGs, maybe 40 to 50 tops, a few stood out as ...
	Metroid: Zero Mission review (GBA) Reviewed on October 14, 2007 Welcome to Planet Zebes. Population: exactly 800 words.
	The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass review (DS) Reviewed on October 13, 2007 You Nintendo bastards. You think you can take over the world with your touch screens and your motion-sensitive remotes? This battle against the conventions of gaming has raged on for years, and now look what you’ve done. You’ve dragged Zelda into this mess. Haven’t you reanimated enough familiar franchises as is? Can’t you give it a rest? You can do whatever you want to Kirby and Metroid, but not Zelda, man! LEAVE MY ZELDA ALONE!
	WarioWare: Touched! review (DS) Reviewed on October 13, 2007 Wario Ware: Touched! is fun depending on what type of person you are. If you enjoy funny, light-hearted stories, unrolling toilet paper, and using a peeing statue to stop a forest fire this is definitely for you. You will do everything in this game from cutting, poking, sliding, and even blowing all via the touch screen, save the latter.
	Portal review (PC) Reviewed on October 12, 2007 A woman fires an obtuse, pale weapon in to a pit, jumps down roughly two stories, pops through a hole in her original level, and is propelled to an elevated platform. In the android supervisor’s Microsoft Sam-esc voice, “fast stuff goes in, fast stuff comes out.” Such is Valve’s new game, Portal, part of their Half-Life 2 Orange Box compilation.
	Folklore review (PS3) Reviewed on October 12, 2007 You see, unlike in other action RPGs, you don't have a sword that you replace over time. Instead, the Folks that you absorb are your weapons. Each Folk you absorb gives you a new ability, be it a flamethrowing badass' ability to throw a stream of fire, an ice-breathing dragon's skill to charge up blasts of ice, or something as little as the spear attack from a merman that stabs forward with a trident.
	Might & Magic III: Isles of Terra review (PC) Reviewed on October 11, 2007 And those limitations make themselves known as soon as the game begins. Among the initial tasks set before players is one involving destroying the swarm of rats that’ve taken over Fountain Head, the town where the game starts. Attempting to do this immediately will likely lead to a quick demise, though, as those rats are a bit too fierce for a beginning party. Heck, even exploring the back alley’s of Fountain Head’s not advisable as there are a few slime-like critters capable of giving a group of novices a tougher fight that they might anticipate.
	Guilty Gear XX: Accent Core review (PS2) Reviewed on October 10, 2007 Heaven or Hell? What’s it going to be, pal? You’ve got thirty seconds to choose. You going to go the good-natured paladin, or are you going to go with that flame-spouting anti-hero? How about the woman with the sentient hair? No? What about that aristocratic vampire? Not your style, eh? How about the swashbuckling womanizer, or the prepubescent pirate girl that’s pining after him? That veiled assassin with the pool cue looks like fun, too. Look at that ten-foot monster draped in a doctors coat, ...
	Underworld review (PS2) Reviewed on October 10, 2007 Yes, they made a game about the movie Underworld. According to all sources it was released exclusively in Europe in January 2004, and it received no media coverage whatsoever. There’s not a single word about this game in IGN, Gamespot, GameFAQs or even this site, apart from the purely technical data like the fact that it actually exists or who distributed it. If I found this game myself it was only because it was being sold (obscenely cheap, by the way) in some obscure game shop I happene...
	Super Metroid review (SNES) Reviewed on October 09, 2007 It’s raining. Not like a little sprinkle or a fine drizzle, but an all-out torrent. The water is running steadily down the sides of Samus Aran’s spaceship, sending mini-waterfalls cascading to the muddy ground below. No one is going to mind, though. The natives of Zebes have long since cleared out of here. The only welcoming committee Samus could have expected included a bunch of laser gun-toting Space Pirates and a host of intergalactic monstrosities. But right now, there’s only this vas...
	5 Days a Stranger review (PC) Reviewed on October 09, 2007 I feel a bit dirty reviewing 5 Days a Stranger, it having been brought to my attention via a tiresome fan board-spamming campaign.
	Ghostbusters review (SMS) Reviewed on October 09, 2007 How come Winston isn't in this game? I know he shows up later in the film, but still...
	Boom Boom Rocket review (X360) Reviewed on October 08, 2007 Are they birds? Are they planes? No, they’re an array of fireworks from Bizarre Creations (Project Gotham Racing series) Boom Boom Rocket (BBR), a game exclusive to the Xbox Live Arcade on the Xbox 360. Boom Boom Rocket is a music game similar to Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero. Instead of a dance mat or guitar, you use your Xbox 360 controller. For 800 Microsoft points ($10), Boom Boom Rocket is an interesting idea.
	Bomberman Live review (X360) Reviewed on October 08, 2007 Long gone are the days of the dump that was Bomberman: Act Zero, and good riddance. Bomberman Live doesn't quite bring a new level of gameplay into the franchise - yes, there are new game modes - but it's still the same, good old bomb the hell out of everything� mechanic we've come to know and adore. For those unfamiliar with the series, a match begins with one player in each corner of a maze of blocks, some indestructible, some not. The player makes their way around by blowing up blocks (and...
	Cooking Mama: Cook Off review (WII) Reviewed on October 08, 2007 I'm an actual chef (part time) and I can tell you that it'd be more worth it to just learn to cook. This game isn't really flawed, other than the Wiimote bugging out and flying up when you swing down, but it's not that fun.

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