Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Packaging Man review (PC) Reviewed on August 07, 2008 "Packaging Man" is no more worth playing than any of the other hundred or so shitty Pac-Man clones built and distributed via Flash. It's noteworthy in that it comes packed with a bleeding heart Dogwood Alliance spiel denouncing fast food companies for utilizing cheap paper. The root of Dogwood Alliance's cause should be 1) attacking the actual companies producing, not buying, the product and 2) lobbying the government for intervention to regulate the producers. But large,...
	Swordquest: FireWorld review (A2600) Reviewed on August 07, 2008 Well, my nine-or-10-year-old mind had an absolutely FANTASTIC time wandering aimlessly through this maze and struggling through one action sequence after another, only to grab a couple of items, put them in another room and.....see nothing happen. I vaguely recall getting a clue once. That moment was so exciting, it shocked my body into puberty. And then I realized I'd lost my official Fireworld comic book, so that clue couldn't have been more worthless to me.
	Packaging Man review (PC) Reviewed on August 06, 2008 All superheroes should hire image consultants. Most go awry with too-tight costumes or fluorescent colors. Packaging Man needs a little help in that area – a boring green shirt and hat will really only work for a plumber – but the real problem is his name. Dogwood Alliance designed this game as a platform to educate about deforestation in the southeastern United States.
	Guitar Hero: On Tour review (DS) Reviewed on August 06, 2008 At its best moments, this mini edition will still fly you through hand-wrenching solos. For a franchise that pulls a lot of its thrills from shredding with a plastic axe, though, On Tour doesn't have the setup to be at its best enough.
	Contra: Shattered Soldier review (PS2) Reviewed on August 06, 2008 After the disaster that was C: The Contra Adventure (fun fact: it was my first PlayStation game), the Contra series was pretty much dead at that point in time. I didn't believe that, if a new game did come out after, it would be like the originals. But, four years after C: The Contra Adventure came out, Contra: Shattered Soldier was released for the PS2, and, well... I didn't get a chance to play it.
	Chase the Chuckwagon review (A2600) Reviewed on August 06, 2008 To pick up your own copy of Chase the Chuckwagon, you had to buy a bunch of Ralston-Purina's products and send in the proofs of purchase. Not surprisingly, very few of these games wound up in gamers' hands and the majority of the cartridges were destroyed. This ingenious idea might go a long ways towards explaining why, a decade after this site's creation, I still had to add Spectravision to our list of developers in order to include it with this game's data.
	1942: Joint Strike review (X360) Reviewed on August 06, 2008 While most of the game is manageable enough if your twitch gaming skills haven't grown too rusty, boss encounters can be a different story entirely. Even the adversary you face at the conclusion of the first stage is beefy, unleashing a wicked spread shot and heat-seeking missiles when he's not pelting you with standard shots from one of several turrets. Emerging from the encounter in one piece requires you to unleash your most convincing assault as quickly as possible, since dodging and weaving will only get you so far and is ultimately destined to fail if you have to keep it up for too long (plus your rating for that encounter will drop and you don't want that).
	Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards review (N64) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 Kirby’s Dream Land may have been short and easy, but it was never boring, with levels often vertically oriented to take advantage of Kirby’s flight capabilities. Kirby can still fly here (though the ability is more limited), but most of these stages could be completed by any generic platformer star: Walk forward, defeat a few enemies, jump a few times, move on. And damn, is Kirby ever slow. You’ve got to double-tap a direction on the d-pad just to make him bolt at an adequate pace, and even then there’s the unwavering sense that he’s wading through invisible mashed potatoes.
	Pac-Man: Championship Edition review (X360) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 Pac-Man is an icon of video game history. He is in fact not only a video game icon; he has also touched the pop culture world. In his 25 years of existence, he has had many games and spin-offs. Though most of them have been clones of the original game or adventure games that have taken Pac-Man of his original setting, puzzle games.
	Rez HD review (X360) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 Let's imagine for a bit here, you're a hacker and you know of the existence of a computer that may hold the answer to all that is life, the universe and everything. That computer is heavily secured and packed with the most sophisticated anti-hacker software ever created. Would you try to hack that computer?
	Space Invaders Extreme review (DS) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 The old series are getting a comeback, Pac-Man, Mario, Galaga, etc. They are also getting remade for the current generation of consoles and handhelds. Taito is celebrating Space Invaders 30th anniversary with a BANG with the release of Space Invaders Extreme, same old game with a new twist.
	Packaging Man review (PC) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 While Pac-Man is an endearing classic because of the constant challenge and addictive gameplay it provides, though, Dogwood Alliance's effort lacks the substance it needed to exist as more than a fleeting memory. It's over almost before it begins, it's ugly and there's not much value in the long term. Sort of like deforestation, I can almost imagine someone from the company quipping, and maybe he'd be right.
	The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind review (PC) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 Morrowind's atmosphere is so all encompassing despite the derivative high-fantasy setting that it's an enormous challenge not to be blown away at regular intervals. This atmosphere stretches beyond the realms of the delicious visual design, or the eerily fantastic soundscapes, right up to those little moments of the game where you simply can't believe what's happening.
	Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards review (N64) Reviewed on August 05, 2008 I must confess a predisposition to certain things that we in the west generally consider sickeningly adorable. The very idea of a pink, balloon-like creature with stubby little arms and those cute little eyes just makes me want to run out and hug something. Some may say that the appropriate audience for such a game is clearly pre-adolescent, and that to hug other Kirby 64 players would make a pedophile, to which I would retort that anyone under the age of 15 probably has no idea what an...
	Hail to the Chimp review (X360) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 The humor is practically non-existent with even the puns falling flat (and I usually love those). This wouldn't be a problem if the rest of the game were an improvement, but it's really not. The uninspired mockumentaries are actually the highlight of the whole affair (and double as bonus content that you can unlock). When you're a developer and the best bits in your game are rather poorly animated segments that wouldn't cut it on network television or even Cartoon Network in the early morning hours, you know that your project is seriously flawed.
	BioShock review (X360) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 The setting of Rapture is unique, which in horror-themed FPS terms means the developers were free to pull off new environmental tricks – like having water leaking in through the windows, or making the walls creak from the pressure – in addition to the usual flickering lights and distant screams. Irrational also knew how to handle irony and awkward juxtaposition, too. Watching a little girl in a pink dress who’s stabbing corpses with a giant syringe get attacked by a bunch of lunatics wielding rusty pipes is unsettling. It’s even more unsettling when it all unfolds as “How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?” plays on an old turntable in the background.
	Portal review (PC) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 For a game that toys with such an inventive idea, it gets it miraculously spot-on in one attempt. The whole thing is strikingly intuitive, meaning that within ten minutes you've grasped the fundamental concepts of the whole thing, and your progression is simply down to your thinking power. Solutions are often abstract or lateral, but never illogical, meaning there's a sense of reward for every one completed. The difficulty and complexity curves are handled brilliantly, with the introduction of the portals themselves coming a while before you get your hands on the fantastic portal device, and the puzzles themselves always a logical progression from the previous one. It's always fast-paced, always interesting, and always stupendously entertaining.
	Women’s Volleyball Championship review (PS2) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 It's so frustratingly unpredictable that you begin to feel like you're not even playing. Why do the players respond so poorly to your commands? Why do you have so little control over where the ball goes? How is it that your teammates are more likely to excel if you just press the button once or twice per round and then leave them to their own devices the rest of the time? I just don't know, and nothing in the tutorials answered such queries.
	SNK Arcade Classics: Vol. 1 review (WII) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 ... A compilation burdened by games that don’t showcase why players loved SNK so much in the days of the arcade. While there’s definitely some good content here, Vol. 1 feels like a missed opportunity...
	Pro Cycling Manager/Tour de France 2008 review (PC) Reviewed on August 04, 2008 The premise of being a cycling manager preparing for the Tour de France is a simple one: Find a team; Train them until they threaten to quit; Find a sponsor; Win.

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