Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Battlefield 1943 review (X360) Reviewed on November 08, 2010 In 1942, in Vietnam, in a fictionalised present day and even a century and a half into the future, the Battlefield series of games has provided exactly what the title suggests, and it was this very quality that sold me on Battlefield 1943. I had never played games online before and didn’t know whether I’d enjoy it, but as I ran along the top of a sun-baked ridge on Wake Island atoll, bombs screeching past overhead to spatter me in chunks of earth as tanks rolled by and my comrades sprinted for t...
	Mafia II review (X360) Reviewed on November 08, 2010 Could have been saved if someone, just once, said "Nyaah, see?" and chomped a cigar.
	Dragon's Curse review (TG16) Reviewed on November 08, 2010 A super deformed knight runs across the screen, his sword held high in a completely impractical position. His eyes are larger than his fists, and it gives him a less than dignified look. The man looks like a Weeble. Let's hope he wobbles and doesn't fall down. Super deformed beasties come at him. Even though they smile like characters in a children's cartoon, you know what they want is him laying in a pool of Weeble blood. Maybe he can fall down. The knight hacks and slashes and enemies fall wit...
	Super Sprint review (ARC) Reviewed on November 07, 2010 The top of an outdated genre isn't a bad place to be. Super Sprint will always have a place in any respectable classic arcade. Give it a shot to see what the cranky old-timers used to play; I bet you'll have trouble walking away.
	Body Harvest review (N64) Reviewed on November 07, 2010 The N64 library contains a reasonable share of classics, considering the lack of software support compared to the titan that was the Playstation. Many of these classics are well known: Zelda, Mario, Goldeneye, and so on. As in any field of entertainment, though, some classics are woefully overlooked. I direct your eye to Body Harvest, a game that may lack the glossy presentation and heavyweight pedigree of a game like Zelda, but makes up for it with imagination and ambition.
	River Raid review (A2600) Reviewed on November 07, 2010 River Raid is a piece of shooter ecstacy. You take the role of a pilot flying down a river shooting up a bunch of bad guys. Why? Because they're evil! Why else? The manual doesn't give you a backstory. Nothing's a better waste of government money or ammunition than blowing evil to smithereens. It has been proven time and time again in many of these shooters.
	Pirates! review (NES) Reviewed on November 06, 2010 Sid Meier is a name associated with strategy and management. Civilization, Colonization and Railroad Tycoon are among Meier’s better-known games, but before these monuments of intellectual gaming there was bloodthirsty high seas thievery in Pirates!
	Knights in the Nightmare review (PSP) Reviewed on November 06, 2010 Once Knights starts, it’s a non-stop struggle that requires constant action in order to win. You don’t simply move your units into range before you can attack. For the most part, your soldiers remain stationary unless their attack leads them forward, while the enemies stalk the battlefield in a regimented pattern. The only freedom in movement you’re allowed is via the wisp, controlled by the analog stick. He can move anywhere on the field, to any corner of the screen, to execute your strategy.
	Defenders of Dynatron City review (NES) Reviewed on November 06, 2010 Defenders of Dynatron City (DODC) was not as much a game as it was a marketing campaign. It's also a small reminder that the Hype Machine can sometimes falter in its mission to force something to become a hit. LucasArts, JVC, and DiC seemed to think they could make the next TMNT and came up with a cartoon with various superheroes, each of which had something about them that immediately stood out (like the fact that one of them had a saw blade attached to the end of her legs, kind of like a tortu...
	Armada review (DC) Reviewed on November 06, 2010 Metro3D had a great idea. They took the gameplay conventions of a popular game like Diablo and changed the setting from a fantasy world to outer space. This sounds exciting. Who wouldn't want to play Diablo in space? Armada was born from such an idea, but it very much lacks the customization and heart that made Diablo such a hit. The game falls victim to extreme repetition without much to break the tedium of constant killing for cash. It lacks any sort of variance or plot development. Basically...
	Blood Stone: 007 review (X360) Reviewed on November 05, 2010 I'm normally not one to tell someone how they should go about playing a game, but for James Bond 007: Blood Stone, I'll make an exception. Though players may be tempted to approach the game as they would Gears of War or Splinter Cell: Conviction, using an available piece of cover to take out all enemies and then moving on, that is not the approach one should employ here. Instead, Blood Stone is best approached with the same professional recklessness that has c...
	Eschalon Book II review (PC) Reviewed on November 04, 2010 Eschalon Book II picks up right where the first left off, explaining enough as you go along so that you don’t need to have any prior experience with the series to get your full enjoyment out of it. Furthermore, all the qualities that led to the first game’s fantastic reception are back. Open exploration and non-linear storytelling enable you to complete quests at your leisure. Customizable character creation enables you to assign attribute and skill points however you wish. And an innumerable list of strategies and methods of play lay at your fingertips.
	Superstar Ice Hockey review (APP2) Reviewed on November 04, 2010 For a month or two, Superstar Ice Hockey (SIH) pushed my buttons perfectly. I could win regularly--two seasons in an afternoon--but it'd never be too obvious I had it in the bag. Game time was a relative concept that went quicker when fewer players were in the puck's third of the rink. With three goals max per game and four-game seasons, playoff possibilities were on a knife-edge until the final game. In real life, my team would have been the most negative, boring, dislikable bunch you co...
	The 7th Saga review (SNES) Reviewed on November 03, 2010 Even on a system renowned for its expansive library of RPGs, successfully completing The 7th Saga is an unforgettable experience. Unfortunately this is solely due to its patently unfair difficulty, because the generic dungeons, incomprehensible abbreviations, and skeletal excuse for a plot would likely put everyone to sleep if all the random encounters weren't straight out of their darkest nightmares.
	Singularity review (X360) Reviewed on November 02, 2010 Let me set up Singularity’s opening sequence for you. The game is set in an alternate reality in which America and Russia are at war (obviously), and you’ve been sent to infiltrate a Soviet island on which our adversaries have been experimenting with a fictional ninety-ninth element called – get this – E99. Your helicopter crashes and you’re separated from your partner, and then, for some reason, you’re transported to a burning building in 1955. You pull a scientist to safety despite a sh...
	GBA Basketball Two on Two review (APP2) Reviewed on November 02, 2010 Shortly after my friend Aric pasted me in GBA Basketball Two-on-Two on his Apple IIgs--retribution for all the RPGs I'd solved--I found the IIe version cheap at Babbage's. I felt frugal--it probably didn't have all the extras, like the crowd that disappeared as it became doubtful I would avoid getting doubled up. But it had two-on-two play, which had to be a step up from the wonderful One on One, and the back-of-box blurbs seemed comparable, if the in-game pictures didn't. Jealousy...
	Championship Baseball review (APP2) Reviewed on November 01, 2010 "Adjust tint til blue field is green." That's the opening screen of Championship Baseball (CB,) with "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" blaring. I never bothered. Blue grass is just one of the things that aren't true to life in CB but are probably more fun. With only so much disk space, only the most exciting bits of baseball survive. You draft your own team complete with abilities that don't matter except for batting. You get to name everyone: eight fielders, three starting pitchers, two utility me...
	Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde review (NES) Reviewed on October 31, 2010 The game is both side scrolling action (word used loosely) and scrolling shooter rolled into one. You take control of both Jekyll and Hyde. Playing as the former is dull and boring, playing as the latter is frustrating and boring.
	Castlevania: Symphony of the Night review (PSX) Reviewed on October 31, 2010 Whether as a loving tribute to the series' glorious past or a striking declaration of its subsequent revival, Symphony of the Night will make any 2D enthusiast shed bloody tears of joy.
	Muscle March review (WII) Reviewed on October 31, 2010 You've likely seen the trailer for this game on a video website. You know, the one where a bunch of confusing sequences are tossed in your face while weird J-Pop music plays in the background? And there was this highly enthusiastic Japanese announcer constantly shouting, throwing in a few Engrish words every so often. I'm sure some of you blocked it out of your mind, but there were also a ton of happy, muscly men in thongs. One was sporting a killer mohawk. Another was wearing a top hat. There w...

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