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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by JoeTheDestroyer and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Antipole (Xbox 360)

Antipole review (X360)

Reviewed on July 26, 2011

Antipole is like a blast from the past, except it came out recently. It's loaded with simple 2D platforming and basic gunplay, but the game is far from easy. Your character's motions are fast and intense, poignantly loose to add challenge to the platforming aspect. Timing your jumps and maneuvering is the key, but it's not all that will save your red-coated butt.
Adventures of Lolo 2 (NES)

Adventures of Lolo 2 review (NES)

Reviewed on July 23, 2011

I would ordinarily slate a game for making almost no changes. However, there's something magical about Lolo that retains the freshness even after you've played the living crap out of the first one. It could be that there are so many stimuli to work with that the possibilities for new and more challenging levels are limitless. Instead of attaching new gameplay features, Hal focused on turning up the difficulty and giving you more of the same worries and problems, yet trickier puzzles.
Tomena Sanner (Wii)

Tomena Sanner review (WII)

Reviewed on July 20, 2011

Tomena Sanner is fun for a short while, but once the joke wears off it'll feel like a hollow waste of time. Plainly put: it's big on style, short on substance.
Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum (NES)

Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum review (NES)

Reviewed on July 18, 2011

Who could forget the feeling that you had wasted all those weeks of allowance after purchasing Dash Galaxy? You felt like you worked your tush off for a meager prize and you refused to be disappointed by it. You wanted to finish it to get your money's worth, but you knew you would never succeed.
Sex Games (Commodore 64)

Sex Games review (C64)

Reviewed on July 13, 2011

I've said it before: if you're into porno games, that's your thing. It doesn't hide the fact that this game is a shallow title that features the barest minimum of interactivity and doesn't make even the least passable usage of its own title. Suggested renaming: Sex Game.
The Magic Obelisk (Wii)

The Magic Obelisk review (WII)

Reviewed on July 11, 2011

Faulty cooperative AI is usually where I draw the line. If I can't work with a game without talking down to it, then it's just not worth my time. I learned that when I played Brute Force. Yet, I still wanted to give The Magic Obelisk the benefit of the doubt and try to make it all the way through.
Zapper (GameCube)

Zapper review (GCN)

Reviewed on July 07, 2011

Zapper seldom has any interesting or impressive scenes. You do much the same on every level, perform the same jumps, dodge the same traps, kill the same enemies, and even discover the same secret areas.
Switchball (PlayStation 3)

Switchball review (PS3)

Reviewed on July 03, 2011

With uninteresting puzzles and gameplay, Switchball becomes little more than a game of struggling against awkward controls and heavy eyelids. It's very relaxing, but that's the trouble. It's too relaxing.
Area 51 (Arcade)

Area 51 review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 30, 2011

It feels like Atari and Midway both invested most of their developing power into the graphics. At the time they were state of the art. Seeing realistic faces in a videogame that wasn't an interactive movie was a game nerd's wet dream. Seeing it put into effect was neat at the time, and it easily distracted people from the fact that Area 51 offered little more than repetitive action. However, such graphics didn't age well. Splicing the real world with semi-rendered environments looks ...
Bloody Wolf (TurboGrafx-16)

Bloody Wolf review (TG16)

Reviewed on June 27, 2011

Enemies don't hit the ground and flash when they die. They grasp the gory open wound, take a moment to examine the blood on their hand, then thrust the hand toward the sky as if cursing their creator for fating them to cross paths with you. It's one of the many ways Bloody Wolf strokes your ego. Playing as a muscle-bound commando badass on a motorcycle apparently isn't enough of an ego boost.
Castlevania (NES)

Castlevania review (NES)

Reviewed on June 23, 2011

Zombies? Killer bats? Out-of-place panthers? Screw that, it's the candles Simon hated, and yet he eventually grew to love. Only by destroying them could he find random weapons and the sliced-out human hearts needed to give him the strength to throw said weapons. You see, Simon also hates close combat. He likes his space, and doesn't like murderous and nightmarish creatures penetrating his bubble. He'd rather throw a knife than stab a zombie, or toss an axe in an arc than chop down a harpy.
Zombie Shooter (PC)

Zombie Shooter review (PC)

Reviewed on June 20, 2011

Believe me, you will be tested. Many of the zombies do major damage, especially a certain pink type that shoots lasers. You won't, however, find the challenge ridiculous or completely unfair. The destructive power of your weaponry and plentiful ammo keep you in the game long enough to enjoy the destruction.
Girls They Want to Have Fun (Commodore 64)

Girls They Want to Have Fun review (C64)

Reviewed on June 17, 2011

It's arguable as to whether or not Girls is even a game. You only perform one action, it lasts twenty seconds, and that's it. I'm not a fan of porno games, but I think any actual fan want much more than just a single screen and something they can see in any standard porno mag. Girls doesn't offer any real fun, and it's barely a game. It's just a masturbation simulator.
Ikari Warriors II: Victory Road (NES)

Ikari Warriors II: Victory Road review (NES)

Reviewed on June 13, 2011

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Saints Row 2 (Xbox 360)

Saints Row 2 review (X360)

Reviewed on June 10, 2011

But then Volition did something that a lot of developers with flawed games fail to do: created a sequel that not only addressed the “if onlies”, but expanded on the game as a whole. Saints Row 2 brings the noise.
Legend of the Ghost Lion (NES)

Legend of the Ghost Lion review (NES)

Reviewed on June 07, 2011

Maria's parents never came home. Rather than crying about it, Maria grabbed an ancient spear containing the spirit of an African warrior and embarked on a mission to find them. Her odyssey nearly ended when she fell off a bridge into an icy river. Some might argue that she drowned and what she's seeing in Legend of the Ghost Lion is the afterlife. But is it heaven or hell? What kind of afterlife is packed with fairies, cuteness, goblins, werewolves, moderately useful spirits that inh...
Final Fantasy IV: The After Years (Wii)

Final Fantasy IV: The After Years review (WII)

Reviewed on June 04, 2011

But the critical question: if you're going to fight the same battles, explore the same areas, use the same characters, and listen to the same music as Final Fantasy IV, then why play After Years at all? The only incentives are a few new dungeons and some new characters--none of which are worth writing home about--and the solid battle system.
Saints Row (Xbox 360)

Saints Row review (X360)

Reviewed on May 27, 2011

And while GTA has been veering towards a less ridiculous narrative, Saints Row begs not to be taken seriously. One scene features your character flying out of a vehicle at 60 MPH and skidding along the pavement. Instead of dying or winding up in critical condition, he shrugs it off like he stubbed his toe.
Last Action Hero (Game Boy)

Last Action Hero review (GB)

Reviewed on May 22, 2011

Fists. That's it. There are no guns, no grenades, not even a knife, a sword or a broken bottle. The only time you do get to use a weapon in this game is for one boss battle, but outside that you have to punch both of the different enemies to death.
Total Recall (NES)

Total Recall review (NES)

Reviewed on May 16, 2011

Punch out the midgets and it's time to move down the street where you'll be ambushed by single-shot security guards, attacked by hitmen who pop out of garbage cans, and eventually tangle with what's best described as The Glory Holes of Doom.

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