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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by EmP and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Xbox 360)

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion review (X360)

Reviewed on September 14, 2008

It brings sharply into focus exactly why Oblivionís quick save and save anywhere features are downright vital. Thereís a reason you and you alone are tasked with saving the entire world aside from Patrick Stewart telling you to do so: this reason is because everyone else in the region is a bloody retard.
Dream Pinball 3D (DS)

Dream Pinball 3D review (DS)

Reviewed on September 09, 2008

The table spans out on the bottom screen, the top sprawled with skulls, magic books and bumpers shaped like medieval castles. For some reason, a few of the bonuses unlock a tweeting bird song, but Iím willing to forgive it. Barely. Itís a very annoying side effect.
Quake III Arena (Dreamcast)

Quake III Arena review (DC)

Reviewed on August 31, 2008

Whenever I gained the ability of flight, there was always a watered down version of the Bitterman rule that slowly evolved. ďHeís flying again! Get him!Ē
Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (Game Boy Advance)

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age review (GBA)

Reviewed on August 22, 2008

Unlike the version hoarded across the XBox, PS2 and Gamecube (which got the odd third party title by what I assume was someoneís mistake), the GBA Third Age is content to take its material straight from the source. It doesn't steal mechanics from well-known Square games, it doesn't cock-slap the canon. It simply exists in the shadow of a lesser game, probably feeling very bitter and upset about the entire thing.
Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 1: Sarah Bryant (Saturn)

Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 1: Sarah Bryant review (SAT)

Reviewed on July 20, 2008

The next shot is of her abandoned beech-towel and parasol. I start rooting for Sarah, hoping she can get away! She fails. We find her slinging a pair of flowers over her shoulder and snarling at the screen. Some people might mistake it for a light-hearted grin but, by now, we know better.
Prism: Light the Way (DS)

Prism: Light the Way review (DS)

Reviewed on July 20, 2008

Shadowgrounds: Survivor (PC)

Shadowgrounds: Survivor review (PC)

Reviewed on July 07, 2008

Iíve no problems re-exploring claustrophobic corridors or rusting walkways infested with menaces not too happy to see you. I look forward to blowing them away in ridiculous numbers. Maybe itís the sadist in me, or maybe Frozenbyte have simply gone ahead and made an addictive little game.
Operation Thunderbolt (Arcade)

Operation Thunderbolt review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 24, 2008

Splatterhouse (Arcade)

Splatterhouse review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 14, 2008

I didn't think I'd be smacking rotting zombies to death with their own limbs or smashing corpses hung from nooses like macabre piŮatas wide open with axes. When a disturbing individual with a cloth bag tied over its head assaulted me with twin chainsaws where its hands should have be, it gave me quite a start. This was an arcade cabinet set next door the The Simpson's brawler; kids were watching!
Revolution X (Arcade)

Revolution X review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 11, 2008

Maybe I feel sorry because it gives me less of a chance to rip on the idea of a heavy-duty assault rifle's secondary weapon hurling CD's so destructive they effortlessly destroy APCs. And helicopters Maybe I feel robbed of the opportunity to tell you how Revolution X is set in a world that revolves around Areosmith, while, at the same time, hates Aerosmith so much that a dedicated group hell-bent on their silence grew large enough to effortlessly capture the planet.
Dracula: Origin (PC)

Dracula: Origin review (PC)

Reviewed on June 10, 2008

Torchlight flickers ominously, shifting the shadows cast by ghostly slivers of light invading the darkness through a network of cracks in the ancient ceiling. A silver tomb sits surrounded by a slew of human remains; bared ribcages, chewed femurs, a shattered skull. An unholy groan emits from the coffin and, from an exposed hole in the corner snakes a rotting arm, longingly reaching for you. If a hungry immortal was not enough, behind the undead monster floats a malevolent green fog, one completely impassable without knowing the rite of passage. These events may not have come from Stokerís pen, but may as well have.
Ys Strategy (DS)

Ys Strategy review (DS)

Reviewed on May 26, 2008

This becomes most apparent in the campaign mode battles, which seem to be aimed at an advanced tutorial rather than the driving force behind Ys Strategy. Youíll constantly switch forces throughout the game, playing as Abelís allies (and, sometimes, foes) giving you a quick glimpse at the sparse changes of powers promised by each team. Which, basically, amounts to there being very little change in your tactics throughout the campaign.
Sam & Max 205: What's New, Beelzebub? (PC)

Sam & Max 205: What's New, Beelzebub? review (PC)

Reviewed on May 09, 2008

Let's get the forewarning over with now: if you've not been playing Season 2, then the end chapter is not the place to start. In fact, you shouldn't really be reading this: I just spoiled the ending of 203 by revealing the death of the villain.
Hurry Up Hedgehog! (DS)

Hurry Up Hedgehog! review (DS)

Reviewed on May 06, 2008

Hurry Up Hedgehog is instead a modest title based upon some German board game Iím not even going to try and spell. It presents players with a grid full of pits and challenges them to get three of their four hedgehogs to the other side before any of the other teams can. Along the way, you need to try and push your oppositionís hedgehogs out of the way (and, ideally, into pits) while trying to navigate the safest route through the obstacles and opposition.
Secret Files: Tunguska (Wii)

Secret Files: Tunguska review (WII)

Reviewed on May 05, 2008

In one scenario, a Russian military hospital that has Nina imprisoned in a rat-infested cell with only a stinking foam mattress for company, Max flies out to the rescue (for some reason, in Tunguska, everyone has a plane license, despite their profession) allowing the two to work together as a team, swapping items between the two as they may need to, attacking the hospital from two different locations. Itís hardly a new idea, but itís one that forces you to think at things from a slightly different angle. Then itís over, Nina is sprung, and this teamwork is never used again.
Utawarerumono (PC)

Utawarerumono review (PC)

Reviewed on May 04, 2008

Utawarerumono doesnít start off particularly promising, and youíd be forgiven in thinking that, based upon its archetype-ridden beginnings, it would drown in a flood of clichťs well before it hits endgame. But you would be largely mistaken.
Bomberman Land (Wii)

Bomberman Land review (WII)

Reviewed on April 27, 2008

Thing is, if you can dig through the gloopy mire of problems that plague Bomberman Land then you can find a decent collection of mini-games to play though. And, if you donít have the patience, then you can simply fall back on the tried and trusted Bomberman game of old where you try the explode fellows bombers in a claustrophobic room rife with power-ups.
Sam & Max 204: Chariots of the Dogs (PC)

Sam & Max 204: Chariots of the Dogs review (PC)

Reviewed on April 14, 2008

Weíre now at the point where the game even makes fun of itself for these limitations, and, while taking pot-shots at the forth wall is a Sam & Max staple, itís a little hard to poke fun at crimes you commit yourself. Get ready for the jarring change of tone, though, folks, Iím about to tell you why I loved Chariots of the Dogs anyway.
Guilty Gear XX: Accent Core (Wii)

Guilty Gear XX: Accent Core review (WII)

Reviewed on April 05, 2008

The all-new Wii exclusive controls, advertised as the gameís most poignant selling point, is really the only reason you might want to put it back down on the shelf where you found it.
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (Xbox 360)

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter review (X360)

Reviewed on April 04, 2008

That's not to discount the game's prominent sense of realism, though. It only takes a single, well-placed bullet to see you off and the wounds you collect in mission do not magically and conveniently vanish. By all means, run head first into that small circle of tents with your gun blazing -- just expect to be dead long before you spot your first target. Both the angles and the numbers are always against you.

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