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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by EmP and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King (DS)

Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King review (DS)

Reviewed on October 12, 2008

Ankh remains a game worth playing. Just not in this form.
Kolibri (Sega 32X)

Kolibri review (32X)

Reviewed on October 11, 2008

Arguably the best hummingbird/scrolling shooter hybrid on the SEGA 32X
Doom 3 (Xbox)

Doom 3 review (XBX)

Reviewed on October 02, 2008

It's pointless cosmetics-first-gameplay-last software at its worst.
Mah Jong Quest Expeditions (DS)

Mah Jong Quest Expeditions review (DS)

Reviewed on September 28, 2008

Iíll be honest; I had it all planned out in my head before the cart was even in the DS. We all already know what Mahjong is, so Iíd joke about having to met a word quota, throw in an obligatory and basic description on how the ancient Chinese tile-matching game worked then be all flippant while I padded the rest of the review out. Mah Jong Quest: Expeditions foils my plan by not being just another tile flipper aided by stylus prodding.
Jewel Quest Expeditions (DS)

Jewel Quest Expeditions review (DS)

Reviewed on September 28, 2008

Familiar because itís been seen before. Familiar because there are fourteen puzzle games released on the DS for any other genre and familiar because Jewel Quest has already been seen on XBLA and won the internet over when initially released by IWin.com online. Familiar doesnít always mean bad.
Nightmare Circus (Genesis)

Nightmare Circus review (GEN)

Reviewed on September 27, 2008

The worst of the worst.
Monster Madness: Grave Danger (PlayStation 3)

Monster Madness: Grave Danger review (PS3)

Reviewed on September 21, 2008

If you want a new-gen Smash TV with corpses other than slightly homosexual-looking guys in body-tight red jumpsuits made from latex, then your choices are already pretty limited. Monster Madness: Grave Danger is pretty much the only way to go, but thatís okay. As long as you donít belong in certain pigeonholes, you could have some fun here.
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Xbox 360)

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion review (X360)

Reviewed on September 14, 2008

It brings sharply into focus exactly why Oblivionís quick save and save anywhere features are downright vital. Thereís a reason you and you alone are tasked with saving the entire world aside from Patrick Stewart telling you to do so: this reason is because everyone else in the region is a bloody retard.
Dream Pinball 3D (DS)

Dream Pinball 3D review (DS)

Reviewed on September 09, 2008

The table spans out on the bottom screen, the top sprawled with skulls, magic books and bumpers shaped like medieval castles. For some reason, a few of the bonuses unlock a tweeting bird song, but Iím willing to forgive it. Barely. Itís a very annoying side effect.
Quake III Arena (Dreamcast)

Quake III Arena review (DC)

Reviewed on August 31, 2008

Whenever I gained the ability of flight, there was always a watered down version of the Bitterman rule that slowly evolved. ďHeís flying again! Get him!Ē
Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (Game Boy Advance)

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age review (GBA)

Reviewed on August 22, 2008

Unlike the version hoarded across the XBox, PS2 and Gamecube (which got the odd third party title by what I assume was someoneís mistake), the GBA Third Age is content to take its material straight from the source. It doesn't steal mechanics from well-known Square games, it doesn't cock-slap the canon. It simply exists in the shadow of a lesser game, probably feeling very bitter and upset about the entire thing.
Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 1: Sarah Bryant (Saturn)

Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 1: Sarah Bryant review (SAT)

Reviewed on July 20, 2008

The next shot is of her abandoned beech-towel and parasol. I start rooting for Sarah, hoping she can get away! She fails. We find her slinging a pair of flowers over her shoulder and snarling at the screen. Some people might mistake it for a light-hearted grin but, by now, we know better.
Prism: Light the Way (DS)

Prism: Light the Way review (DS)

Reviewed on July 20, 2008

Shadowgrounds: Survivor (PC)

Shadowgrounds: Survivor review (PC)

Reviewed on July 07, 2008

Iíve no problems re-exploring claustrophobic corridors or rusting walkways infested with menaces not too happy to see you. I look forward to blowing them away in ridiculous numbers. Maybe itís the sadist in me, or maybe Frozenbyte have simply gone ahead and made an addictive little game.
Operation Thunderbolt (Arcade)

Operation Thunderbolt review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 24, 2008

Splatterhouse (Arcade)

Splatterhouse review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 14, 2008

I didn't think I'd be smacking rotting zombies to death with their own limbs or smashing corpses hung from nooses like macabre piŮatas wide open with axes. When a disturbing individual with a cloth bag tied over its head assaulted me with twin chainsaws where its hands should have be, it gave me quite a start. This was an arcade cabinet set next door the The Simpson's brawler; kids were watching!
Revolution X (Arcade)

Revolution X review (ARC)

Reviewed on June 11, 2008

Maybe I feel sorry because it gives me less of a chance to rip on the idea of a heavy-duty assault rifle's secondary weapon hurling CD's so destructive they effortlessly destroy APCs. And helicopters Maybe I feel robbed of the opportunity to tell you how Revolution X is set in a world that revolves around Areosmith, while, at the same time, hates Aerosmith so much that a dedicated group hell-bent on their silence grew large enough to effortlessly capture the planet.
Dracula: Origin (PC)

Dracula: Origin review (PC)

Reviewed on June 10, 2008

Torchlight flickers ominously, shifting the shadows cast by ghostly slivers of light invading the darkness through a network of cracks in the ancient ceiling. A silver tomb sits surrounded by a slew of human remains; bared ribcages, chewed femurs, a shattered skull. An unholy groan emits from the coffin and, from an exposed hole in the corner snakes a rotting arm, longingly reaching for you. If a hungry immortal was not enough, behind the undead monster floats a malevolent green fog, one completely impassable without knowing the rite of passage. These events may not have come from Stokerís pen, but may as well have.
Ys Strategy (DS)

Ys Strategy review (DS)

Reviewed on May 26, 2008

This becomes most apparent in the campaign mode battles, which seem to be aimed at an advanced tutorial rather than the driving force behind Ys Strategy. Youíll constantly switch forces throughout the game, playing as Abelís allies (and, sometimes, foes) giving you a quick glimpse at the sparse changes of powers promised by each team. Which, basically, amounts to there being very little change in your tactics throughout the campaign.
Sam & Max 205: What's New, Beelzebub? (PC)

Sam & Max 205: What's New, Beelzebub? review (PC)

Reviewed on May 09, 2008

Let's get the forewarning over with now: if you've not been playing Season 2, then the end chapter is not the place to start. In fact, you shouldn't really be reading this: I just spoiled the ending of 203 by revealing the death of the villain.

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