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Review by guts
February 25, 2010
I wish I could watch people who think this game is "mega tough!" playing so that I could point out obvious things like "Use a fast weapon if you want to attack fast!", "Use the bow and arrow or magic to attack from a distance!", and "If a stage is too tough now, try a different stage first, then tackle it again!" I'd also offer helpful advice like, "Hey, notice how grinding is getting you nowhere? Maybe you should try to actually get good at the game instead of whining that you can't grind your way to an all powerful character." Then I'd realize I'm in some fucking nerd's house talking to them about videogames and have to Kool-Aid Man my way through the wall to get the fuck out before my muscles realized the same thing and tried to escape without me.
About the fifth time I saw someone lavish 16 paragraphs of a review/preview on the difficulty of Demon's Souls I knew something was up. The King's Field series was pretty damned hard and unforgiving, but I don't remember magazines flipping the fuck out over it like it was the toughest thing since Legacy of the Wizard. So why all the bandwagon jumping on Demon's Souls?
Because the internet is full of dimwitted adults who latch on to whatever meme is popular at the time and try vainly to personalize it, not understanding that a meme is the antithesis of creativity and personal expression. Demon's Souls' difficulty was simply one of those memes-- much like LOLcats or that stupid fucking video of the old guy on the bus beating up the black dude that within .4 seconds of being posted already had 500 remixes, parodies, and tributes up-- and the internet went shit-nasty with it.
What Demon's Souls really does (and this is mistaken for "extreme difficulty") is force you to think and punish you for being a fucking retard. It's the opposite of all those stupid JRPGs where some annoying 16 year-old kid lugs around a 500lb sword and kills huge monsters-- in Demon's Souls you need to gauge your enemy and use the right weapons/armor/magic. Outnumbered? Whip out your bow and get in long range attacks before committing to a melee. Is the enemy too fast? Then equip light armor, enabling you to side-step and dodge easily, and equip a normal size sword to enable faster attacking. Every seemingly impossible part of the game has an obvious solution if you just think in real-world mechanics instead of ingrained JRPG faggotism. There's even a game-breaking weapon (The Moonlight Sword) that brings the difficulty down to baby level by rendering enemy blocking worthless (it does purely magical damage which cannot be blocked). If you still have trouble with Demon's Souls after getting the Moonlight Sword, then I will assume that chopsticks are beyond your motor skills and using a q-tip is a potentially fatal act due to your inability to grasp even the most basic of hand-eye coordination.
So in summary; Demon's Souls was GOTY 2009 whether you're smart enough to realize it or not (most likely not), only retards cry about how hard it is, and Jean Claude Van Damme is back, assholes, just like I said he'd be.
Rating: 10/10
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Most recent video game reviews written by guts
God Hand (PlayStation 2) [May 28, 2007]
Ikusa Gami (PlayStation 2) [December 14, 2005]
NamCollection (PlayStation 2) [July 21, 2005]
Steamboy (PlayStation 2) [July 15, 2005]
Quackshot Starring Donald Duck (Genesis) [June 14, 2005]
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