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Review by Jason Venter 
June 02, 2005
Consider a moment in the second level where you dash through a sterile hallway and suddenly find yourself on a hover pod. In Battletoads, a similar situation supplied a level that people remember to this day for its nail-biting intensity. Here, the concept falls flat. For one thing, the speed is gone. You dodge a few barrels and fences, kick a few thugs that approach from behind and then the ride ends. What about the thrill of flying through space while lava hissed and bubbled beneath you? It’s gone.
Sadly, that hover pod ride is one of this game’s few highlights. It starts out even worse. The opening stage finds you dropped onto the deck of a space cruiser. The concept sounds great, and it should have been. Unfortunately, the game's design stabs it in the back. As you work your way to the right, punching astronauts and getting rammed from behind because your stupid toad has lifted a thug over his head--or because Billy is humping a robotic sentry--you’ll find that you either move too swiftly or not quickly enough at all.
You get to pick which irritating extreme you’d prefer. Toads are slow, humans fast. None of the protagonists control in a natural fashion and they easily fall victim to cheap enemy shots unless you carefully watch the sides. When you kick an opponent, he’ll almost certainly fly off the side of the screen and then return at the most inconvenient of moments, ready for more action.
Boss encounters only magnify the frustration. Your foes often can brutalize you from a safe distance. Getting in close for an attack is frustrating. If you take a hit, you’ll reel about drunkenly and continue to suffer until your life meter is completely drained and one of your lives is lost. Then you’ll return to the scene, temporarily invincible. Get in a few hits and you’re dead again. This process repeats until you run out of lives, or the boss finally goes down for the count.
There’s a reason for this irritating flaw, though: Rare wanted you to play with a friend. Though the game lets thugs gang up on you and throw you into an endless circle of punishment, you and a buddy can turn the tables. One of you can be a toad, the other a human. Or maybe you both like characters named after skin ailments. Whatever the case, having a friend along improves the experience.
The thing is, a game like this should be fun even without a friend. What about those nights alone when you just want to kick a little enemy butt? Play the original Battletoads, or maybe just fight the dark lord in the original Double Dragon. One thing’s certain: either of those ‘pure’ games is better than this disgusting imitator. You don’t want to play this one. You really don’t.
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Most recent video game reviews written by Jason Venter
The Simpsons Arcade Game (Xbox 360) [February 04, 2012]
Pushmo (3DS) [January 31, 2012]
Unstoppable Gorg (PC) [January 19, 2012]
Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure (Xbox 360) [January 08, 2012]
Defense Grid: The Awakening (PC) [January 04, 2012]
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