I was originally writing this as an HGmail to Janus but decided other people might find it interesting.
My original conception of my hiatus from writing is that I was dissatisfied with what I produced, and wanted to leave it alone for a while to prevent myself from forcing it. I've kind of been realizing that part of the whole reason I've been MIA from the community is that I actually I am too busy during school. It's probably not just a coincidence that I kind of stopped when I started going to college. I'm probably only barely going to be able to show for BWHY, but I may not be too active beyond that until I graduate. I do graduate in one year though, and will most likely be back into a habit of regular writing when that day comes.
But coming back has really made me realize how much I love the reviewer community. It's very skill- and performance-oriented. We all love reviewing, writing and gaming for their intrinsic, personal joy, but the contests are the glue that keeps us together and provides interpersonal joy. It kind of makes me sad for the people who tried hard but simply failed repeatedly to make a positive impact with their reviews, the biggest examples probably being espnking and fastkilr (if there is a Lord, He knows that the latter tried). I feel like their incompetence prevents them from fully partaking. If there's a lull in the scene, no one will email them with praise and encouragements to write again. By contrast, we always wish all reviewers who have ever left a positive impression on us would still write for us today. It's not just the Zigs, the Brocs and the Facts, even I have a message or two sitting in my inbox encouraging me to enter a contest. Regular competition compels us to bring our best and be amazing, and we regularly (but not universally) succeed in that endeavor, which provides a foundation for mutual admiration. We admire each other because we know we can rely on each other to make us happy. As a result, we have so many fond memories of and from people we have never technically met.
I was actually very unsure about posting these thoughts. I tripped on acid today for the first time in my life and went to Lovefest (LovEvolution technically), so I'm still riding a metaphoric and emotional wave of positivity and solidarity. I smoked weed with some friends in my 150 student communal college house and now am deeply lost in thought. At the very least I think what I wrote provides a more optimistic image of the community than some of my other, non-publicized rants. How fascinating it is to be deeply critical even of such senseless, unproductive musing.
I realized that my writing tends to be wordy because I have so many ideas but don't know how to handle them.
I have also been wondering...True, are you ever on drugs or something when you write your blog posts?
But I guess what I'm really trying to say in the end is...thank you, thank you all for memories that I will take with me to my grave despite having never been in your physical presence.
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True - October 04, 2009 (01:28 AM) I have also been wondering...True, are you ever on drugs or something when you write your blog posts? Because they're horribly written and are oozing typos? Or because they're overly-emotional, and I tend to leap between excited and flattering to angry and spiteful without any sort of warning? No. Unless you count alcohol as a drug... then, yes. Once. |
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radicaldreamer - October 04, 2009 (02:01 AM) Because you always seem to be in some abstruse realm of thought. |
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True - October 04, 2009 (02:13 AM) For all those who don't have your vocabulary... which is pretty much everyone else: ab⋅struse /æbˈstrus/ [ab-stroos] –adjective 1. hard to understand; recondite; esoteric: abstruse theories. 2. Obsolete. secret; hidden. Origin: 1590–1600; < L abstrūsus thrust away, concealed (ptp. of abstrūdere), equiv. to abs- abs- + trūd- thrust + -tus ptp. suffix Related forms: ab⋅struse⋅ly, adverb ab⋅struse⋅ness, noun Synonyms: 1. incomprehensible, unfathomable, arcane. Antonyms: 1. clear, uncomplicated, simple; obvious. More often than not, my blogs are verbal diarrhea when I'm simply trying to clear my head of all the random, useless crap that invades my psyche on a daily basis. But if you think those are confusing, you should read some of my fight scenes. |
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