Few platformer heroes can hope to match the versatility of Kirby. By swallowing his enemies and absorbing their powers, the pink puffball can gain an immense repretoire of moves ranging from basic melee attacks to awesome, screen-shattering abilities that clear entire fields of enemies. Of course, he can't do all of these at once - Kirby can hold only one power at a time, and enemies he swallows up while holding a power can only be spat out as a projectile.

Depending on your sense of humor, the picture of Mario - Nintendo's mascot plumber - in an RPG can either be hysterical or terrifying, especially considering the track record of the company making it. Envision Mario delivering long, angsty monologues, or Bowser brainwashing Luigi into helping him kidnap Princess Toadstool. Perhaps, instead of dispatching enemies with the traditional bop of the head, Mario can swing a sword at thin air and watch a number pop above its head!

One of the worst things one can say about console RPGs in general is that they are not games, but ''interactive novels''. It seems to be a law of the universe that this argument must pop up in ever console vs. PC debate. The PC side will most likely then turn around and point at the endless customization and choices that every player of computer RPGs must face, then haughtily dismiss their cousins on the console as pathetic imitations of the real thing. Perhaps I generalize, but undoubtedly PC R...

It's not difficult to see why companies often make platformers starring cute mascots. After all, making a lovable talking animal is far more easier than making, say, a lovable angst-filled teenager. Mario, despite being an overweight plumber with approximately zero charisma, is nonetheless one of the most recognizable icons of video gaming. Platformers are also quite easy to develop; they may add new abilities or introduce new elements, but you could still get by perfectly with the run-and-jump ...

Out of nowhere there appeared a floating island. Four superhuman beings of evil claimed it as their domain. Wielding the powers of Destruction, Chaos, Death, and Terror, they sought to throw the earth into darkness. The Sinistrals, they were called; armies mustered against them, nations allied to save the world from their iron grasp. And yet none succeeded. Finally, four of the world's most renowned warriors were called on to bring down the island. Lead by Maxim, a red-haired warrior wielding th...

You probably know the story now. What we Americans know as Super Mario Bros. 2 - that weird, quirky platformer no one quite knew what to make of back then - was never meant to be a Mario game. It is the illegitimate child of Doki Doki Panic, an odd Japanese platformer, and the Mario universe. Fearful that the frightfully difficult Japanese SMB2 will turn away American gamers, Nintendo had grabbed this little game, forcibly inserted Mario and friends, and released it upon unwitting America...

Zelda clone.

The idea that Americans need an ''easy'' RPG to introduce them to the genre is already quite insulting, especially considering that games like Wizardry have been around in the US far before anyone knew what Dragon Warrior was. It's no big wonder that RPGs in the early 1990's were ill-received, anyway; not only were they often primitive, monotonous affairs, but they were usually plagued with god-awful translations laden with ridiculous censorship.

''Nintendo!''

A quick search of GameFAQs for ''Goemon'' will yield an astounding number of games on systems ranging from the NES to the PlayStation 2, yet closer inspection will reveal that only three have been released in the United States. The first of the Western releases, titled Legend of the Mystical Ninja, was released in 1991 with little commercial success. Nor did either of its successors do all that well (perhaps because they were released on the failing N64), so it's not surprising that Konam...

Metroids. Most terrifying of alien life-forms, they float about effortlessly while seeking their prey. Upon spotting a target, they swoop down, clamp down with their mighty jaws, and feast on the energy of their hapless victim. When their hunger is finally satisfied, they float away just as easily, leaving nothing but a hollow shell of their dinner that crumbles with the slightest touch.

Average.