Feel free to conduct your Pooyan worship here.

Wild ARMs 4 actually gives you an option to determine how often character voice clips will play. Hmmm... I can think of a certain game with the word NEO in the title that could have really used this feature...

EDIT: That game also has the words Shining Force in the title, in that exact order. Oh what the hell, it's Shining Force NEO! Me no likey hot stuff coming my way!

EDIT 2: Keanu Reeves is an okay guy; I thought he was funny in Speed, in an unintentional kind of way.

Other funny results:
The x-box can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
The number one cause of blindness in the United States is the ps2.
The gameboy has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap!
A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and the ipod.
If you break the ipod, you will get seven years of bad luck!
The playstation was originally green, and actually contained cocaine.
Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from Shigeru Miyamoto.
Peter Moore can sleep with one eye open.
Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of Satoru Iwata.
Link has a bifurcated penis.
Haloolatry is the mindless worship of Halo.
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but EGM can not.
Native Americans never actually ate EGM; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness.
Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that IGN is near.
Dark Force has only one weakness - the colour yellow!
The East-most peninsula is 1500 years older than the pyramids!
The average duration of sexual intercourse for Mario & Luigi is two minutes.

... I get amused so easily!

Kingdom Hearts

This is the first review I ever submitted to Honest Gamers, I think. It was approved by none other than Jason Venter himself! I'm still pretty satisfied with the end result, although I might go back some day and tinker with it a little. I also believe this is my most viewed piece to date, possibly because it's the oldest. This review also deserves some extra kudos for following up my GameFAQs stuff, all of which were crap; man, going back and reading my old GameFAQs stuff is just painful...

Maximo: Ghosts to Glory

Wow, this one's only been viewed about 129 times. Although it wasn't bad, my Maximo pales in comparison to my critique of Kingdom Hearts. Now that I think about it, this could have been my first HG review... it's hard to tell, because I submitted KH and this one on the same day.

Taiko Drum Master

This is my first review that ever got some feedback in the forums. It's short, sweet, and also rather plain. If I were to write this review today, I would probably try have some fun with expressing the drumming aspect of the game.

Resident Evil: Director's Cut

I think this is the first review where I tried to be experimental. Here's the whole idea: the original PSone version of Resident Evil isn't as good as the enhanced Gamecube version; so why play it? Well, I try to answer with the whole "old house" metaphor. I really liked the "evil no longer lives here" line; I think it and the words that followed best summed up my opinion on both versions of RE.

Devil May Cry

I liked the tagline I created for this one; also, the last sentence in the fifth paragraph was doubleplus awesome. (Imagine spending 99% of the game hacking and slashing your opponents when all of a sudden it turns into Star Fox. Great.) The final line of the review is unbearably cheesy, though.

An interesting note about my two April reviews: they got a shit load of hits! Around 430 each, which is a little over half as much as Kingdom Hearts.

Shinobi

I originally scored this game a 9, but I recently kicked up the score to a 10. This review was pretty nice, but I think Shinobi deserves better. I will definitely return to this one in the near future and touch it up!

Pac-Pix

Can't go wrong with having a Pac-man pun in the tagline, right? This was an all right review, I think. The first paragraph made some good points concerning the task of creating a sequel to Pac-Man (a series that was more or less perfected with Ms.Pac-Man in the 80s), and the writing feels engaging despite a few awkward parts here and there. Also, "Pac-Gimp" is the most awesome made-up word of all time.

Also, Pac-Pix has gotten more views than Shinobi or Devil May Cry, and it's nearly a month older than both; I wonder if is this an indication that more people are reading my reviews over time?

Nintendogs

Nintendogs has the special honor of being my first and (as of yet) only RoTW nomination. This review has an interesting twist: the first half reads like a praise review, while the second half takes the tone of a bash. This is easily the best piece I've done for HG to date.

Despite getting a RoTW nomination, Nintendogs only got a measly 252 hits.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

This is a solid review. I love how, in the fourth paragraph, I chalk up the Jedi/Sith conflict as "denominatinal differences"; pure gold!

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I haven't written many reviews for this site, but I wish to rectify that in 2006. I'm cooking up a mean Mega Man Zero 3, and I might follow that up with either Nightshade or Dragon Quest VIII.

Dungeon of Doom is this old dungeon crawler game for the Mac (also released under the name "The Dungeon Revealed", apparently.); I used to play it back in middle school, when I dug up the old family Macintosh. It's a cool game, and today I developed the urge to play it. I had to go through hell and back to emulate it, but it was all worthwile! The game is still bitchin'!

Thanks to the power of the internet, I might finally be able to make it to the 40th floor...

...

I don't know why, but I just can't seem to crank out any reviews recently. Just today I wrote up 700 words for an 8/10 treatment of Nightshade; a few hours later I re-read it and decided the scrap the whole thing. The same thing happened last month, but with Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow.

Does this mean I have to go soul-searching or something? Or is there a less fruity way to get over reviewer's block?

Article 1: The Florida License Act

Mr. Space, by the 31st of December 2006, will acquire at least a restricted-level Florida driver's license.

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Article 2: The Honest Reviews Standard Act

Mr. Space, by the 31st of December 2006, will be required to double his library of video computer game reviews on the internet web-site known as "Honest Gamers".

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Article 3: The X-Box Act

Mr. Space, by the 31st of December 2006, will be required to purchase either a Microsoft X-Box video computer game system or a machine of the X-Box 360 class.

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Here's to a productive 2006!

Thanks to his tip, I was able to scoop up both X-Men Legends 2 and PoP3 for $60 in brand new condition!

w00t.