Title: I WORKED WITH A PAEDOPHILE
Posted: May 01, 2006 (04:10 AM)
My job attracts its fair share of meth addicts, ex-cons, what have you. We care so much about customer service we will hire indiscriminately.
One of these people was a man named Herbert, or as he called himself, "Herbie". A quiet, vaguely turtle-looking man, he kept to himself when he wasn't talking about Disney movies or how Batman had no actual ninja training. He was a Mormon who went to BYU on the north shore of Oahu in the fine state of Hawaii. Sometimes he'd try to convert people or pass out free Books of Mormon to anyone who'd lend him an ear. He didn't do too well.
I didn't mind working with him much, as he had the most insanely in-depth knowledge of superhero origins I've ever seen, and every once in a while we'd have actual conversation about normal things. But then sometimes he'd talk sweetly to prepubescent girls in just the right tone to set off all kinds of alarms.
My co-workers and I reached a quick consensus: Herbie was a child molestor. It all added up: him asking for our "Ice Princess" cardboard standee, watching "Sky High" 12 times, bragging about being chaste by choice.
A couple weeks ago he disappeared from work. Nobody really noticed. Yesterday I got this fine bit of news.
That creepy fuck in the picture? That's old Herbie. That grin on his face? Concrete proof of his guilt. Maddox said it best.
I don't feel like writing reviews for a while. My efforts are focused on this screenplay I'm writing as Steven Seagal's comeback vehicle. It's gonna rock hard.
Posted: May 01, 2006 (09:30 AM)
Where the hell do you work?
Posted: May 01, 2006 (05:13 PM)
It's in the article!
Posted: May 02, 2006 (09:40 AM)
Oh yeah! I got to the "raping his stepbrother's twin 8-year-old daughters" bit and then decided I couldn't concetrate with creepy old Herbie staring straight at me.
Posted: May 17, 2006 (04:22 AM)
He looks really scary. Eh?
Posted: June 16, 2006 (12:10 AM)
The city of Milwaukee has a site that lists all the sex offenders in the city, along with addresses, details about the convictions, and pictures. The site isn't advertised, but I stumbled upon it while searching for city ordinances. It turned out that one of my old coworkers had went to prison for the rape of two women, one of whom was barely a teenager. Then I found the picture of a customer who came to our store on a daily basis. He made no attempts to hide his house-arrest and parole limitations, but never told us the crime. Apparently he sexually assaulted a friend and tried to stab her. I could barely look at him after that.
I don't mean this to be funny, but I see ugly couples every day. They're the type of people that you think will go through life without ever getting a single date, and yet they have a steady partner. If a halfway normal person can't get laid, especially with the internet around, something is wrong. As for child molestors, I'm down with castration.
Posted: October 27, 2006 (07:23 AM)
Indeed. Cut it off. Cut it all off.
Posted: November 22, 2006 (09:32 AM)
That's easy enough for you to say.