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honestgamer It's not all an elaborate ruse, some misguided attempt to establish for myself an online persona of dubious quality. I really am dull. If you don't find that unbearable, though, this is my blog that examines just how truly boring I can be.

Title: It Happened One Infinity Ward, a play by Jason Venter
Posted: March 02, 2010 (05:25 PM)
Bobby Kotick, Vince Zampella and Jason West are in a large board room. A long table runs down the center and double doors allow admittance to one side. There is a fish tank along one side of the wall with a single goldfish and a popcorn stand is positioned in one corner for reasons unknown. Kotick is seated at a large, throne-like chair at the far end of the room. West and Zampella are seated next to one another at the far end of the table. Kotick has a cup of coffee. Zampella and West do not. Kotick also has a handheld radio by his side.

Kotick: Greetings, workers. We are in this meeting because tomorrow Activision will be announcing the full and proper bastardization of the Call of Duty franchise. I want to make sure that both of you are on board, since I'm told that you have a passion for this thing that you created that now makes me money.

West: That's true, Bobby. We--

Kotick: Please, the name is 'Overlord Kotick.' We have discussed this.

Zampella: *Ahem* I think that what my colleague is trying to say is that since we played a large role in the franchise and have overseen its development, since we have helped it to flourish, we have a certain interest in seeing it continue to represent quality for gamers.

Kotick: That may be, that may be. It seems that my sources were correct. This could be a problem. So let's be clear: the new title will be called New Call of Duty: Modern Creed X - Bobby's Fortune and we're having some new developer handle the development. They're untested, but they do have a certain pedigree.

West: The name seems a little bit long to me.

Kotick: You have no vision. Trust me, it's evocative. We're going to see that it's a mix of all of this past holiday's biggest sellers - New Super Mario Bros. Wii, of course, and Uncharted 2: Drake's Fortune, not to mention Assassin's Creed 2. That one got good reviews, made Ubisoft a pretty penny.

Zampella: This is sounding like it could be an unfortunate blunder. We need the franchise to maintain a certain aura of... what's the word I'm looking for?

West: Quality.

Kotick: *laughs* I think we've all seen that sales have nothing to do with that, or indeed very little. Sales are what matter, gentlemen. So to be clear, can I count on your support for this and for the online game we're planning that will charge players for the ability to press the 'Start' button?

West and Zampella: Uh....

Kotick: I was afraid of that.

Kotick grabs the handset and speaks into it softly.

Kotick (into handset): Execute Plan B.

West and Zampella: Plan B?

Kotick: Plan B is... you're fired. Bouncers from Joe's Bar are on their way up as we speak. It was nice making money with you gentlemen. Interns are rushing in to pack your desks into boxes. We'll send them to you via UPS. It's cheaper than FedEx, or so I'm told.

West: They always lose my packages.

Zampella: Mine too.

Kotick: Good day, gentlemen!

Bouncers burst through the double doors and escort Zampella and West out the back door.

zippdementiaUser: zippdementia
Posted: March 03, 2010 (02:32 AM)
This is awesome. And sad, all at the same time.

EmPUser: EmP
Posted: March 03, 2010 (10:54 AM)
That's taking a lot of liberty with assumption -- for all we know, both men often rape puppies and have been setting Activision's worker's children on fire for several months.

Odd move for Activision, who seem to only make big money from maybe two franchises. And one of them is because they syhpon it off Blizzard.

honestgamerUser: honestgamer
Posted: March 03, 2010 (01:23 PM)
Yes, clearly there could be several explanations for the firings. However, just about none of them make sense or make Mr. Kotick come out smelling like a rose.

wolfqueen001User: wolfqueen001
Posted: March 03, 2010 (06:38 PM)
Thanks, EmP. Your colorful imagery really brightens my day. -_-;

lol Anyway, this parody thing I found rather amusing. I wouldn't be surprised if it's not far from the truth, either.

zippdementiaUser: zippdementia
Posted: March 04, 2010 (11:50 AM)
When EmP says "often raping puppies" I just can't stop laughing. I love you, EmP.

wolfqueen001User: wolfqueen001
Posted: March 04, 2010 (03:24 PM)
You have a disgusting sense of humor. lol

zippdementiaUser: zippdementia
Posted: March 04, 2010 (08:00 PM)
I know :P

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