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honestgamer It's not all an elaborate ruse, some misguided attempt to establish for myself an online persona of dubious quality. I really am dull. If you don't find that unbearable, though, this is my blog that examines just how truly boring I can be.

Title: To the cutting room floor with you, bloated intro!
Posted: August 15, 2009 (12:45 AM)
I am in the process of writing a review for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra on the PlayStation 3. I've made several attempts at an intro and spent awhile on the one that I'm including below, but it's just too long and probably not interesting enough to serve as a worthwhile introduction to a review that will probably be fighting to stay below a certain word count as it is.

Therefore, I'm including the intro here for posterity. That's about it...


The first toy I have any specific memory of asking my parents to buy me was a G.I. Joe doll. It was one of the 3 1/2-inch figures like so many people in the 80s collected. I didn't name any specific character, so my mom picked Flint as the brave soldier who would first join my collection. I was ecstatic to finally have my first troop, of course, but slowly reality set in: G.I. Joe is only fun when you have a whole squad and some nefarious enemies. Stylish poses are neat and all, but they only go so far.

The day that Flint arrived in my grubby hands was to be a turning point in his little plastic life. While messing around with the solitary action figure, I eventually discovered that because a rubber band attached his torso to his legs, I could twist the upper half around a few times, then let loose and watch as the hapless soldier's top spun around like a helicopter blade. It was a neat trick that I often repeated, until finally the rubber band frayed and I was left with a broken action figure. It was a very sad day for me.

In the years that followed, Flint was replaced by enough G.I. Joe figures to fill a carrying case, then a sufficient quantity after that to stuff a plastic grocery bag. Vehicles also made their way under my bed and I went out of my way to watch the cartoon whenever I could, seldom missing an episode. Years later, the fad faded and toys vanished from stores, but I was ready again when the 25-year reissue came around. I picked up another 40 or so of the figures and finally I added Flint to my collection. Again.

This time I didn't turn him into a makeshift helicopter.

aschultzUser: aschultz
Posted: August 15, 2009 (03:06 PM)
Yeah, it's kind of frustrating when you write something you enjoyed but you realize it doesn't fit into a review. It's hard to get rid of it, but necessary.

This looks like you can recycle it into something else cool, though.

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