Forums > Contributor Zone > RotW // 10th February – 16th February // Everyone's a winner!

Happy Thursday everyone! We had a holiday here on Monday, so my Thursday is likely happier than yours. There were six reviews, which isn't a lot, and isn't a little, but with only three writers responsible for them, everyone wins a prize. Let's have at it.

Retro is responsible for half of this week's output. All of them are intriguing retro choices: Gals Panic S, Sengoku Denshou, and Panorama Cotton. We'll start with Gals Panic: "While the cast is mostly female you may at times encounter a male stage, which is as erotic as the girls pictured. At least this game does not discriminate." I didn't know that! How progressive. Following that line up with this one, "Girls Panic S Extra Edition is a fun rump to go through at any given time..." is a good bit of unintentional humour to be sure, but overall, this is a good review with smoother transitions and fewer typos than in recent Retro reviews. He's improving all the time. And yet...

Sengoku Denshou's tagline is reductive and common, but also apt, so one can't complain. "You have the option to fight as either character..." I note that you say this before introducing either character. The second paragraph has some issues which really derail the flow: "Anything else like using weapons, power-ups, and changing into different avatars is present and make the game a lot easier to go through than with your bare fists. However the shift is so grand that its practically a cakewalk until your power fades and you resume gameplay as your starting character. Simply put, the game is at most difficult when you are a bare bones character without any significant help from it." Also, "Quite short but not short enough to make it feel long and boring." Huh? Finally, "Bonus stages are present to break said monotony, but they are so blatant that it is quite a pain to even bother with them." I don't quite follow this part. This is the weakest of Retro's offerings.

Cotton is a game I was interested in, and for the most part, it's covered well here. The tagline and the ending in particular are nice, "You will have no dull moment in trying out to beat this title, and quite frankly is one of those games on the MegaDrive/Genesis you should definitely get a taste of. Just make sure it isn’t burnt before that first bite." (This hearkens back to an earlier line about burnt willow.) Unfortunately, there are janky constructions that make for some rocky reading, starting off with the first line: "I have only heard of Panorama Cotton from some gaming sites and youtube videos never had the chance to play it mainly because it never hit the US when it was released in the mid-90s."

What the three Retro reviews told me is that when he takes his time and gives his work a quick edit, the result is pretty smooth, as with Gals Panic. Other times, things seem a bit rushed and in need of another look. My two cents.

Joe wrote two reviews, and submitted one as staff and one as a 'reader.' The former, Squidlit, has the most unappealing name for a game I've heard of in recent memory. The other is Wild Arms. Squidlit, then. "In a genre that's well past crowded, memorable material is practically necessary." Good line, and how right you are! Also, "Though you encounter plenty of vanilla ghosts and soldiers, you also run afoul of shark-caterpillar hybrids, flying books and slithering cyclopean critters that give the experience a much needed boost of creativity." Full marks for using the word "cyclopean". Joe does a good job on the whole handling being of two minds about the game: it's too short to savour, but had it been longer, boredom would have set in. Ironically though, this review, considering how slight its subject matter, might have been shorter.

Far better is Joe's other submission, Wild Arms. It starts strong and doesn't let up. If there's a weakness here, it's with the "Few of the above factors..." paragraph transition, which isn't as smooth as all of the others. The review gets to the point, includes what is important and eschews what isn't; paints pictures, gives examples, and has an easy flow about it from stanza to stanza. Kudos.

Finally, Nightfire submitted a review of Dogcoin. It's a review that exists because Emp is a lazy fool. However, it is a great review, and many of the reviews spawned by the Emp Project have likewise been of high quality, so there's that. "Propelled by some masochistic determination to see if I could get through it, I threw the dog into the spike-filled gauntlet again and again." Bahaha. Great stuff. Nightfire keeps the good lines coming, "Every level had the same hue of bright blue as a background and the same blue/purple portal at the end, framed by a ring of what I can only assume is vomit." And, "Apparently one exit button just isn’t enough for Dogcoin, and on that point, I actually agree." This is arguably the best of the Emp Project reviews, and my pick for the best of the week. It's probably too long for the subject matter, but it flies by, which is a testament to excellent, entertaining writing.

And so, to recap:


BRONZE: Retro's Gals Panic S

SILVER: Joe's Wild Arms

GOLD: Nightfire's Dogcoin


See you next time!

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Thanks for this topic and the comments, Marc! After this last wave of mostly uninteresting games (mainly ones like Gateways, Squidlit and Neverlast), I feel like I need something with some real meat on it to review.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

I'm glad my suffering was not in vain! Thank you for the win. :)

placid like acid

Everyone's a winner, say Marc. Unless you had a holdover review. In which case, all you get is snubbed.

It's only funny when it happens to Rob.

For us. For them. For you.

My bad. I haven't paid much attention to holdovers. Next time! You can push your masterpiece onto Rob.

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!