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Forums > Submission Feedback > Flobknocker's ONRUSH review

This thread is in response to a review for ONRUSH on the PlayStation 4. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.

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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: January 13, 2020 (12:17 PM)
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(As I suspect you might miss the feedback in the RotW topic.)

Why are your line breaks so weird? Argh, it’s so distracting!

There is a really good review in here that is a lot better than its position outside the top three would suggest. The line breaks don;t help, nor does the only image being of an empty vodka bottle, but I don’t really mind the ‘driven to drink’ angle being used throughout (even if Overdrive uses it once every couple of months, so it’s not a new angle for the site…). I think all your arguments and justifications on why this game is mechanically solid and based around a good, original idea come across well, as does your rallying against the lootbox-heavy nonsense that (hopefully) gaming is starting to grow out of by now.

It’s a really strong review by someone who openly wears their love for the genre on their sleeve, and these are often my favourite kinds of reviews. But them lines breaks are all of the bad. Cut that out! Also, write more in 2020.

For us. For them. For you.

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Author: Flobknocker
Posted: January 19, 2020 (02:31 PM)
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Hey EMP. Sorry I missed the RotW.

Advice on the line breaks would be greatly appreciated, as I kinda have absolutely no idea what proper line break etiquette is. My old school teachers drilled "new sentence, new line" into me for years, and I followed that religiously for years until somebody said "wait, why is every single line its own paragraph" and I was like "wait, what? I hit the enter key twice for a new paragraph? It's a new sentence, ergo new line," and it urns out that's not how it works at all, so now I try mixing lines without line breaks, with single line breaks for a change in point too dramatic to go against he previous sentence, and a double break to create a distinct paragraph.

The only image being vodka was an indirect result of OnRush's captures being weird. I had some great shots from the photo mode, but they don't show up in the PS4 gallery at all, and the only images I had in that gallery weren't the images I really wanted to use. Eventually, I came to the thought that I should use the one good image I wanted, and remember to make sure where a game's photo mode saves stuff in future, mostly because I wanted to write about other stuff and I felt compelled to get it out there to "complete the trilogy," as it were.

I currently have a finished review for a cute little adventure game, so if you'd be interested in taking a look through it and telling me how to not have the devil's own line breaks, that'd be great.

As a last thing, I totally intend to do some more reviews this year: I just completed Max Payne the other day, and I'm fairly certain I have some thoughts on that game, not least because I had to run a community megapatch to make it work.

Either way, thanks for the feedback, and I'll be sure to do better in future.

Proudly running a space heater disguised as a PC

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Author: honestgamer (Mod)
Posted: January 19, 2020 (03:01 PM)
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A hard return on a printed page is used to signify not a new sentence, but a new paragraph. New paragraphs should also be indented. There should be no returns between sentences that make up a given paragraph.

Online, you would hit ENTER/RETURN twice to signify a new paragraph, following standard online copy formatting standards. A new sentence within a paragraph still does not get its own new line.

Your post in this topic actually follows the norm quite nicely. The teachers you had may have misdirected you on that one point, which is unfortunate, but someone did a good job teaching you a lot of other things because you're a strong writer.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world

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