Forums > Contributor Zone > RotW: Dec. 3 to Dec. 9, 2018 -- Winter doldrums mean a timely topic!

I've been doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work on the site these last few weeks, so I thought I would take a moment to try and do something more people would have reason to notice... like post a RotW topic on time without any prodding from EmP. I know he was probably reaching for his cattle prod as I typed this up, but I'm afraid he's in for some disappointment because now he doesn't have an actual excuse to use it. Maybe next week?

Anyway, there were only five eligible reviews this time around, two of them from the same author, so I decided to go ahead and provide some feedback on each review in this, my last RotW topic of the year.

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First up are the two reviews that didn't place, in no particular order:

Dragon Age: Inquisition (PS4) by JoeTheDestroyer

There's an odd break near the end of the first paragraph, which I don't think is supposed to be there. And there were a couple of other minor issues later in the text. But otherwise, this was a frequently riveting description of a game I cared enough about to buy but never enough to play. Now I know that I've missed something special by not actually sticking the disc in my PS4. My chief complaint is that the first half sometimes just felt like a list of neat things you did, without giving them context beyond the obvious. And you make numerous references to the disappointing second installment in the series, so it felt to me like you should have spared a brief moment near the start of the review (or elsewhere) to outline just what was so disappointing about it, the better to contrast that experience to this one.

Tekken 5 (PS2) by CptRetroBlue

I sometimes had difficulty following this review because there are frequent grammatical errors. They don't prevent you from making your individual points (I understand you feel the controls are perfect, that selectable difficulty is a boon, the visual effects are stunning and the music fantastic), but they do make the reading process somewhat awkward. You're picking what sound like mostly the right game details to emphasize and your organization is generally solid, so your next step if you're looking to grow as a writer should be to tend to the tedious mechanical stuff that separates the good writing from the great writing.

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And now, here are the three reviews that did place:

Third Place: Metal Gear Solid (PSX) by Follow_Freeman

This review reads to me like an attempt to elevate the sort of critical discussion one typically sees adjacent to games, which is an admirable enough goal, but I feel the result falls short of what was intended. The main issue the text faces is a crisis of identity. If your submission is a consumer-facing review, then a lot of the details it addresses should be given proper context before or at least as they are explored. Instead, you frequently drop names or reference situations that will make no sense--and therefore will lack significance--to anyone who has not played through a fair portion of the game. If your submission is a critical analysis of some other sort, then it really ought to lose some of the trappings of a more conventional evaluation. As well, there's a lot of use of the passive voice, which writers tend to employ when they're trying to appear objective, and yet you rely on those sentences to share definite opinions (and opinions that run contrary to the general consensus, at that). As your writing style continues to evolve, keep your overall purpose and your desired audience firmly in mind. Consider how individual sentences and paragraphs work in support of your thesis, and make sure that thesis is well defined. If you find it helps, write from an outline. The road to a new writing style is often a bumpy one, but it's clear you have a destination in mind and I hope some of the above comments help you as you drive in that direction. As for placement in this week's topic, you get points for ambition, but keep in mind you were going up against some well-executed examples of the sort of review that are this site's bread and butter. That's a difficult hurdle to overcome with a writing style that's caught mid-morph.

Runner Up: Moonlighter (PS4) by pickhut

Your first sentence needs another look, though I can figure out what you were saying easily enough. There were a few other rough spots throughout the review, but there were also some definite selling points. I especially liked your discussion of how the game avoids player exploitation, which went into detail and answered the questions I had and didn't even know I had, all with confidence that gave your review a great deal of added credibility. You make this game sound great without making it sound perfect, and I'm confident I can enjoy it in spite of its few flaws. Great job with this one!

Review of the Week: Cattails (PC) by JoeTheDestroyer

This was a strong review of a game I've played, that says everything about the game I might wish to say myself. I found myself definitely agreeing with your complaints about the abundant fetch quests, which are the reason I've not yet played enough of the game to feel comfortable reviewing it myself. It really can wear on a person. You did a great job of carrying that point through your text, while also pointing to some of the more admirable qualities that make the game worth playing in spite of the sense of repetition. I also didn't spot any sentences in definite need of an editor's pen, so that makes it the better of two very good reviews you contributed this week.

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As always, thanks to those who contributed, and I hope you'll make things difficult for whoever is on deck next week. I know the judging order has been a bit fluid these last few weeks as we all try to survive through the end of this year, but seeing great new contributions flowing through the site like melted cheese in the kitchen of any restaurant I would care to visit is one thing that makes each new day a delight. Keep playing games, enjoying them, and enjoying writing about them. Most of all, have a great week!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

And now Jason has entered the Rob Hall of Shame territory with RotW by forgetting the review of the guy that did the previous week.

I'M NOT ALONE!!!!!!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

Thank you for recognizing that my writings are, indeed, pensive analyses, instead of mere sales pitches or anecdotes! It's a path I'm proud to embark on, and I'm happy to hear I'm actually challenging my readers instead of failing to edify them. Apparently, a challenge is not something every reader will find pleasant, but pleasantries alone make for forgettable and meaningless readings, so it's good to hear that the style I've adopted for over half a year now is me being on the right track.

Sorry to hear that all the context I put around those names flew over some people's heads, but I can assure you that taking a few seconds to bother to look up said names will not only help clue you in to more context on top of the very effective writing itself; it will also give you some great material to look into! What a deal!

Oh, also, great job getting this out so quickly! Masters kinda upstaged this topic with his belated own, but you won a well-fought 1st there, so I guess that all works out. One great week of reviews deserves another!

Thank you for another victory! I'm glad the Cattails review went over well, because I struggled with the rough draft. Congrats as well to the placers this week.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Oh my god, I didn't realize this topic was already made four days ago. All the current RotW title dates were blurring together for me. Whoops!

Thanks for the runner-up! I see what you mean with the opening sentence after giving it a good look. It was literally one of the first things I blurted out when I started the review, and I guess I just got used to seeing it once everything else was done. I'll give it a rework once I have the chance. Thanks for the other comments concerning the review, as well! Sometimes it can be pretty difficult making a "just another" game sound genuinely fun for those that never tried it.

Congrats, Joe! Everyone else, too!

I head spaceshit noises.