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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: April 21, 2017 (10:53 PM)
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“You know what we should do with this increased traffic? We should hold one of those Alphaolympic tourneys we used to do! It keeps me awake at night, laying there, thinking about my failures to win one of those things. It’s why I drink so much. EmP’s won it twice - he’s not awkwardly shoehorned that into anything for a while. Wonder if he’s forgotten?” -- Rob “Rob” Robington.

Once upon a time, we were productive. Some of us still are, I suppose; by the time I’ve written this, Jason will have cranked out another couple of Switch reviews and asked his life-sized body pillow of Mario if this pleases him. But I digress. Once upon a time, we did crazy topical things so we could pretend we weren’t wasting our lives behind a keyboard. We’ll never return to those days - we’ve become self aware - but there’s no reason why we can’t try and visit them now and then.

Presenting EmP & Boo’s Because We Hate You 2017 AlphaOlympics 2017

Here’s the skinny: I will supply a numeric list somewhere in the depths of this very topic. You, the intrigued reader and/or Rob trying to fashion a witty retort, will pick one of these numbers and, by the power of a random number generator, you are blessed with a letter of the alphabet. You must then review a game starting with that letter. Get yourself a T? Hit up Tomb Raider. Or Thunder Force III. Or Time Crisis. Get a Y? Good work; this thing’s been won twice with Ys reviews, turning a bastard letter in theory into the most successful in tourney history. Get the dreaded #? I’m so sorry; enjoy 007 Racing or 3 Ninjas Strike Back like I had to.

Taking part means you will get your review read by a panel of experts judges and/or Masters two weeks after everyone else, who will leave you ego-shattering feedback on why they’ve scored your review 7/100 and call you a scrub. These scores will then be tallied and the person with the highest score wins.

This topic serves both as an interest gauge and sign up sheet. We’ll also require a judging panel of judges to judge the work, offering judgery comments and judge-like scores. I’m winging this a little, so there’s no deadline in mind, I guess we just see how much of the list of 27 we fill up and close it all down when we’re happy enough at the turn out. Or! We’ll watch this slowly die a painful death, sliding down the forums until it slips from memory where it will be left to die in disgrace. We’ll see which one!

If you (yes, YOU) are interesting in taking part, please state which number you would like to claim. You know what happens then? You’ve just made the list! First come, first serve. Otherwise if you (yes, you again) would like to hold the fragile self worth of a website’s gaggle of writers in the palm of your hand to crush as you choose, then declare your interest in a judge spot. All will be recorded. None will forget the crimes you commit.

Is that it? I’m out of practice. I think that’s it? Let’s go with that. Joyous whooping or confused mumbling to follow.




SIGN-UP DEADLINE: 14th May

JUDGES: MASTERS

PARTICIPANTS:

1: OD
2:
3:
4: Fiddlesticks
5:
6:
7: Usagi
8: Joe
9: JedwardRandy
10: Leroux
11: Dogma
12: HonestGamer
13: Nightfire
14: HastyPixels
15:
16: EmP
17: DE
18:
19: Pickhut
20:
21: PlayCritically
22: Jerec
23:
24: Phazonmasher
25: Will
26: Lewis
27: Viridian Moon


For us. For them. For you.

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Author: Nightfire
Posted: April 21, 2017 (11:31 PM)
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I pick lucky 13!


placid like acid

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Author: jerec
Posted: April 22, 2017 (06:26 AM)
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Come on, 22!


I can avoid death by not having a life.

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Author: overdrive (Mod)
Posted: April 22, 2017 (04:46 PM)
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1. Because that's where I'm finishing!


I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

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Author: dogma
Posted: April 22, 2017 (05:26 PM)
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11, please.


GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING

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Author: Fiddlesticks
Posted: April 22, 2017 (07:42 PM)
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4


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Author: darketernal
Posted: April 23, 2017 (05:54 PM)
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17 seems like a strong, manly number.


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Author: JoeTheDestroyer (Mod)
Posted: April 23, 2017 (07:03 PM)
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I can't guarantee that I'll be able to submit a review for this, but 8.


The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

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Author: hastypixels
Posted: April 25, 2017 (12:02 AM)
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Why not 14? It was a good year for me.

Probably.


Prepare for unforeseen candyquences.

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Author: Leroux
Posted: April 26, 2017 (11:49 PM)
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10


When the hammer falls...

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Author: Phazonmasher
Posted: May 03, 2017 (06:04 PM)
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As a new-ish writer, I'll take near the bottom with 24. It's also my guardian number so there's that.


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Author: Usagi
Posted: May 03, 2017 (10:20 PM)
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I guess lucky number 7.


Read my reviews here or via Lunar Productions

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Author: pickhut
Posted: May 04, 2017 (04:01 AM)
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I'll pick my number like I pick my parking spots: not beside anyone.

19.


I head spaceshit noises.

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Author: honestgamer (Mod)
Posted: May 04, 2017 (07:07 AM)
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If I have time to participate in this, it will be as a participant and not a judge (I just started a new day job), so give me number 12, please!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world

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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: May 04, 2017 (07:30 PM)
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Marc: I don't trust you not to rig the entire thing to give me a rotten letter.
Marc: Put me down as a judge so I can belittle you, Leroux and Fix.

And then there was one.

I'll keep this thing running up until next weekend, then we'll have a look at getting letters dished out.


For us. For them. For you.

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Author: Lewis
Posted: May 05, 2017 (05:58 PM)
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Well, good day everyone! Lewis here, from HonestGamers of old. Gary and Jason appear to have pulled me back in for a one-off extravaganza of review-writing, so here I am, putting my name down for AlphaOlympics 2017.

I have not written a game review in five years.

This can only end in one way: interestingly.

I pick number 26, for no good reason.


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Author: viridian_moon
Posted: May 06, 2017 (02:13 AM)
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H-hi. My presence here is completely normal and unrelated to EmP in any way despite me not having been on this site in about nine years.

I'll take lucky number 27.


almighty Fatness: you're so fucking nerdy that I can't even say anything pithy.

almighty Fatness: you need an urbandictionary mental implant

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Author: JedwardRandy
Posted: May 07, 2017 (03:48 AM)
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Everyone is selecting lucky numbers. Let it be known that my lucky number is 9

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Author: WilltheGreat
Posted: May 07, 2017 (06:56 PM)
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I'll take 25.


"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

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Author: PlayCritically
Posted: May 08, 2017 (08:05 PM)
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Give me 21!


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Author: honestgamer (Mod)
Posted: May 13, 2017 (03:02 AM)
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REMINDER: Time is rapidly running out if you want to enter. Have you been thinking about entering? Go ahead and do it today, by picking one of the remaining numbers!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world

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