Forums > Contributor Zone > Review of the Week – June 20th – 26th [[[The anti-Joe week]]]

This was to be the week where I was to claim glorious revenge on Joe by SNUBBING his review for this RotW. He outsmarted me by being a lazy fiend.

Below – in order of rising preference – are the three reviews I judge the mightiest for this given week. It was a very solid week wherein no one manages to blow anyone else away, and even reviews outside the listed three were solid. Especially the two I wrote, which I am not allowed to include, but have a slight chance of being included in next week’s round up. We shall see.

Words about video games we’ll probably never play go below here:


Grand Kingdom [VITA] by Jason Venter

Jason tackles one of those ‘It’s alright, I guess’ games. So he’s stuck with that middle of the road thing where establishing tone is difficult because you’re not really praising it or bashing anything. To this end, he does well covering a somewhat complex game pretty well. Well enough, certainly, to make me briefly think about trying to reclaim my PSN account to get my VITA online for the hundredth time before eventually not bothering – but that’s not his fault. Nor is the fact that most of his review’s shortcomings are based on his conclusion that this game’s alright, and you’ll probably, maybe think it’s okay.

There are a few issues. The review does feel splintered into two distinct halves (immediately following the “this is a review, not a guide” paragraph) and your stance on the multiplayer wars is confusing. You note them as a plus point at the end of the above-mentioned paragraph, but when you delve into them later in a bit more detail, they sound a lot less positive. Other complaints are handled more securely, like the enemy count being artificially bloated (that old chestnut; will it ever be retired?). You also do that thing we all do where we realise we’ve not mentioned a cosmetic and they’re worth mentioning, so we lob it in at the end. Still, solid, dependable stuff. Go do that WiiU game.

Blue Lightning [Jag CD] by Vorty

Vorty takes an appreciated break from typical Scottish activities like complaining about how democracy works (I’ve missed you) to have another stab at his staggered comeback. I’ve appreciated the stuff you covered so far because I have a soft spot for obscure consoles and think having the option to have games like these covered is probably the best thing about this site. That being said, I thought the last few reviews you’ve written came off a bit clumsy. This isn’t completely free of this (examples in a bit), but it’s certainly the most polished effort you’ve turned on so far.

Some of this review is a little over-written (says me, right?). Which reads a bit weird, because you completely drop that aesthetic at the end of the second paragraph and adopt a more natural tone. There are a few little typos here and there but, moaning aside, what you’ve written is a compact, helpful little review, making good use of examples from around the same time period. But, wait – moaning back – fix this sentence:
It's high flying basic action of shooting the hell out of everything in sight works well as a hand-held arcade style title as the attention span required to play these games only lasts a few minutes before getting distracted by more appealing choices, and in that from, this game works ok

Keep them coming – good work

Rusted Emeth [AND] by Rob

“It’s alright, I guess,” says Rob, not for the first time this week, then goes through the motions of telling me about another bloody Kemco RPG. I was preparing myself to scan it for things to make fun of, then maybe shuffle it away somewhere in the back with a bit of lip service and unsubtle “stop reviewing the same game over and over!” digs. Like I did in the last one I wrote about. And have done here more openly. But, actually…

I mean, the review does still have a template feel to it, but that’s what happens when you talk about such similar games raid-fire. You contract a kind of uniform order, and I find those multiple explanation points completely unforgivable. Half that paragraph is awful; the second half – the one talking about people gossiping about the boss fights – is brilliant.

Most of the complaining is covered really well. I’ve played games with equip menus like the one you describe, so I understand the fury it inspires. 8-bit games got this aspect right; I don’t know why games sometimes neglect this. Most of all, I kind of like how the entire review is a troll. For the majority, it looks like you’re not going to have to fall back on the old “It’s alright, I guess” line, but then you do anyway. Bravo.

For us. For them. For you.

Congrats to all who placed, and thanks for posting the topic in a timely manner!

I think it's important to have a predictable period where reviews qualify for a given week... or don't. That may affect strategies for some contributors. It was neat to see this one fall into a conventional week, and now my next review will qualify for next week.

Everyone should be very afraid, by the way, knowing that I have another review coming, because I always place 2nd or 3rd in this things.* I'm a super threat!

* Except during weeks when I don't make the top three.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

Laziness is something I excel at. In fact, I was so lazy this week that I posted a Doom review for RoG and finished a first draft for the game Wasted. On the other hand, I did only just beat Portal 2 last night, so yeah, I am a bit lazy. Or a procrastinator at least.

Congrats to OD for taking the gold, and to the placers for placing, and thank you, EmP, for getting this topic out quickly.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Congrast to the winners! It was a busy week with quite a few good reviews...

placid like acid

Joe: I got halfway through Portal 2 on release week then wandered off to do something else. You're not alone on that one. Maybe I'll go back one day.

Nightfire: You're not kidding. Really good volume of good reviews. No one else gets weeks as hard as I get. Conspiracy!

For us. For them. For you.

Thanks for the win!

And the deluge of Kemco RPG reviews will NEVER end. Not even at the point where I submit the same review repeatedly, just changing the name of the game each time!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

I didn't even start it when it was still relevant. I bought it when it was $5 on a big sale and sat on it for years. I think I may have even owned it before the fist Portal, come to think of it. I first jumped into it last week and forced myself to go through most of it in an evening. It's a worthwhile puzzler.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.