Patreon button  Steam curated reviews  Discord button  Facebook button  Twitter button 
3DS | PC | PS4 | PS5 | SWITCH | VITA | XB1 | XSX | All

Forums > Contributor Zone > Surprise Review of the Week! March 28th - April 3rd

Add a new post within this thread...

board icon
Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: April 04, 2016 (05:31 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Next edition: September 2020

Once upon a time, we did a weekly thing where we pretended to praise the best three reviews posted that week, but secretly used it as an attempt to criticise rival reviewers and damage their fragile self worth. You’re all wandering around with healthy amounts of self esteem these days. I need to do my part to put a halt to that.

So, time to blow the dust off some rules. Any reviews submitted between the aforementioned dates are eligible for winning RotW, while only the top three will be significantly mentioned. The winner gets to be the first featured review since Suskie scored a win late 2013. I must not have written anything that week. A writer can only have one eligible review; any reviewer doubling up on the given week will only have what the judge deems their best effort put into the running.

Here, there be notes:

Seran Kagen: Estival Versus

Know what I hated the most about the last gruelling shiftwork of RotW panels? All the food analogies. They were everywhere in Pickhut’s reviews so imagine my disdain when after a multi-year hiatus I come across this almost immediately:

While the story will attract hardcore Senran Kagura fans, the true meat of the game lies in its combat. The story mode offers eight days jam-packed with gameplay ripped straight out of the franchise’s previous…

Gnnnnhhhhhhh

THIRD // Chrome Wolf // Overdrive

DISQUALIFIED. There’s no way someone will willingly release something as stupid as Unicornian rebels. I refuse to believe it.

This review does enough to make me momentarily look at Googleplay and think about getting a game that isn’t Spider Solitaire for my phone (I snapped out of it). So, yeah, that’s pretty decent for a praise review. My main complaint with this effort is that it’s basically just a plot synopsis. I guess that’s because it’s a JRPG, chocked full with JRPGness, with mechanics so simple that they don’t really need pointing out. It strikes me that this is quite a big assumption to have to jump to. Also, I’m still struggling to take Unicornian seriously. I’m having a real hard time.

I get why you’d want to avoid talking about the mechanics as in the slog that is your self-imposed challenge you’ll have done so plenty of times in the past. There’s only so many times you can trot over the same ground without wanting to never speak of it again. So I’m sympathetic - I’ve written out the same tired tirade against FMV 32X games more than I’d like, too. But they’re stand alone pieces.

Besides, you almost made me spend money on a mobile game. I’m not about to reward you for that.

SECOND // Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD // Francisco Santelli

What a relatable review. The vast majority of the time, the whole “let’s talk about how I got this game” intro is a cringeworthy excuse for the reviewer to talk about themselves in the bizarre notion that they’re more interesting than the videogame the reader has spent their clicks to read about. Not so in this case; it establishes an important pre-established relationship with the game in question and the reviewer. In doing so, it lends more weight to their words. The review is an interesting and unique contrast between the game in your memory and the game as you now find it, which is quite endearing. Like a friendly argument with your past self.

I think the only real letdown is that you seem so scared of dropping spoilers that the entire piece comes off very example light. You talk about an intriguingly fluid progression of puzzles but then just expect the reader to take you at your word and move on.

FIRST // Legend of the Wizard // Joe

In direct comparison to the Twilight Princess review, this review of a Nintendo game I’m not going to play with the word Legend in the title is perhaps not as relatable. I don’t know why I put the words perhaps in there; it’s not. But that’s okay; it’s not really the kind of game that’s going to be kicking around in the forefront of someone’s nostalgia Because Wizard is stupid.

What this review does particularly well is dole out great examples of why it’s stupid. Talking about stilted, limited dialogue and then picking out some of the lines not only re-enforces your point, but works towards solidifying your ultimate thesis on Wizard’s poorness. Mixing in the few pros with the bigger list of cons rather than creating stand-alone lists shows a more complete picture. Good use of this is made in the paragraph talking about block puzzles.

I decided that a more complete review should be featured above a more relatable one with parts missing. This decision was then sorely tested by the following:

You may want to have words with your copy editor:

you might write the room off as a standard treasure trove, but for an out of reach and unadorned chest chest

Ah yes, the chest chest. The chestiest of chests

But, wait a second - is that a food analogy?

you'll eventually stumble upon a juicy tidbit suggesting your next order of business

I’m not sure, actually. Probably? I guess I’m forced to let it slide. You still win.


For us. For them. For you.

board icon
Author: honestgamer
Posted: April 04, 2016 (08:20 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Said copy editor has now changed "chest chest" to its more common and less interesting variation: "chest." This was a fun topic, EmP. Thanks for doing it!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

board icon
Author: JoeTheDestroyer (Mod)
Posted: April 04, 2016 (09:29 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Thank you, EmP. And for my acceptance speech, I'd like to point out that the game is called Legacy of the Wizard and not Legend. But whatevs. Dragon Slayer IV was a better title either way.


The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

board icon
Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: April 04, 2016 (01:15 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

You are mistaken. Nintendo games are always Legend Something Something. All of them. Perhaps you have a bootleg version.


For us. For them. For you.

board icon
Author: JoeTheDestroyer (Mod)
Posted: April 04, 2016 (02:13 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

That almost makes me want to start a whole topic or blog post with Legend crudely inserted into various NES titles.

Legend at Demonhead
Legendhand
Little Legend Brothers
LegendTropics
Legendsword: Wizards & Warriors II
Wally Bear and the Legend Gang
I suppose redundancies would be okay, too. Thus, Legendary Wings becomes Legendary Legend.

I could do this for a while.


The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

board icon
Author: dementedhut
Posted: April 04, 2016 (04:21 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

It's all gravy, baby.


I head spaceshit noises.

board icon
Author: honestgamer
Posted: April 04, 2016 (04:25 PM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

EmP's complaints about the food references just sound like sour grapes to me, if I'm being honest.


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

board icon
Author: JoeTheDestroyer (Mod)
Posted: April 05, 2016 (12:14 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I guess they're just not his cup of tea.


The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

board icon
Author: overdrive (Mod)
Posted: April 05, 2016 (10:27 AM)
Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

1. Yes. They really are Unicornian rebels. I think, since Kemco's other game-producing companies haven't done anything this stupid, the issue is that Magitec has real issues with creativity. If anything, I'm amazed that the game's storytelling/dialogue is as good as it is (ie: good for its cost, not actually GOOD). This is the company that, in Covenant of Solitude, called one nation "Empire" and the other "Kingdom". So, in this game, they created a race of people with horns growing out of their head and, BOOM, "Unicornian" was the result.

2. Yeah, the talking about stuff other than the plot could have been better. I think the issue was that I played this game too quickly after Covenant of Solitude and, as I said, the similarities between the two are very noticeable to the point where I could have simply reviewed this game by saying that it's a slightly better version of that one.

3. When it comes to Kemco games, I'll basically say that if you're a big fan of bog-standard JRPGs, you can do worse than these guys. As someone who's bought a couple of the $1 XBox Indie games NOT MADE by Zeboyd, I know. If solely because they're cheap and generally range from tolerable to pretty enjoyable. They have four companies working for them. I've done 1 by Hit-Point (with about 4 in a row coming up by them after I'm done with my current Kemco), 3 by World Wide Software, 2 by Magitec and am on my second by Exe-Create.

If you wanted to get a feel for one of their games, I'd start cheap. As in free. Two strong possibilities:

Band of Monsters by Hit-Point is free for Android. It's rough as far as its translation goes, from what I've read, but is a fun Pokemon clone with shades of SMT in that you fuse your monsters to make new ones.

Revenant Dogma by Exe-Create has a free and premium version. E-C has been doing that a lot recently, but usually made it so you wanted to buy the premium version, because that would give you access to an XP-boosting item so you wouldn't have to grind a lot. Here, with this game, though, the only negative to getting the free version is that you'll have to deal with the occasional advertisement. And this is pretty much boasting some of their best production values, as E-C is the best as far as that goes.

And if you have access to Amazon Underground, you can get a couple more freebies, including Hit-Point's Justice Chronicles, which also is considered pretty good.


I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

User Help | Contact | Ethics | Sponsor Guide | Links

eXTReMe Tracker
© 1998 - 2024 HonestGamers
None of the material contained within this site may be reproduced in any conceivable fashion without permission from the author(s) of said material. This site is not sponsored or endorsed by Nintendo, Sega, Sony, Microsoft, or any other such party. Opinions expressed on this site do not necessarily represent the opinion of site staff or sponsors. Staff and freelance reviews are typically written based on time spent with a retail review copy or review key for the game that is provided by its publisher.