Forums > Submission Feedback > EmP's Doom 3 review

I'm banking on it. even us five year olds know how to keep a secret we've been told, and it's a handy skill.

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

You mean the secret where you're going to let a girl pee in your mouth?

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

such a secret that I told everybody, and haha no, that isn't panning out. I found a less strange lass.

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

Well that's good then.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

No guys, Boo's right. Here at honestgamers.com, we shouldn't express our honest opinions about the games we review. That's just silly, we should mimic all the big-name review sites and get down on our knees every time The Man unzips his pants.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

every last one, every last one
every last one, every last one

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

For the final time, hopefully.

It's not about assimilating into what other sites/reviews opine. It's simply about being sure to not sound incredulous when giving an adverse opinion. If you want to give Doom 3 a 2/10 or Castlevania Order of Ecclesia a 3/10, that is fine. But it's not right to be unprofessional even if we're only writing reviews for a hobby, and not a profession.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

Why does nobody ever tell me these things?

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

someone hasn't listened to With Teeth.

I'm jealous.

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

A WIT THA TEETHA

_

That's what she said.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

got my arms they flip flop flip flop flip

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

I kinda enjoyed Doom 3.

_

God bless you, Genj. I like to think you do it on purpose, you loveable little rogue, you.

For us. For them. For you.

yeah I irl loled, omg.

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

We've gotten away from the point. That being the brilliance of this review.

For us. For them. For you.

EmP, you're so brilliant <3

_

Yay... can we all just <3 each other, now? I <3 you all. Let's all just kiss and make up and be happy-go-fun-time-yay again! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ^___^

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

I hate this review.


No, actually, I haven't read it. Just thought I'd be an ass.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Man, I can't believe I used to think Genj was serious.

I <3 you Genj.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

How many hits has this review received, Gary?

I might score Fallout 3 1/10 just to see what happens.

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You're better off reviewing a game of questionable morality. Worked for Zig.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

It's doing okay for hits, but going against the grain doesn't always equate to high readership.

For us. For them. For you.

I'm pulling yer leg, sir!

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Sorry to resurrect another dead thread, but I just saw in the random review box on the front page that EmP did a takedown of Doom 3 and I just had to read it and comment.

This is a great review that I personally resonate with. Doom 3 is complete garbage. However, at the time of its release, I was one of the only ones who thought so. It was as though the overwhelming force of its marketing had everybody under a spell.

You covered the idiocy of the flashlight pretty well, but how about the fact that your character never wears a helmet, yet he apparently switches to an oxygen supply every time he goes outside? A supply that lasts about 30 seconds, at that. Because that's useful.

Or how about the extremely long, poorly voice-acted audio logs that you couldn't skip through and had no accompanying text, which you had to endure listening through because they had necessary passcodes hidden at the very, very end of them? Yeah. That sure was fun. System Shock 2 had already done this better, but let's all just step backward in time for a second and call it innovation.

I could probably write a 3,000 word article about how awful this game was, but I won't, you've already covered most of what I would say here. Suffice to say, Doom 3 illustrated to me how anything can be sold if it has enough marketing dollars behind it.

Thankfully, now that we have the 2016 Doom, we can put this awkward bastard child of the series behind us forever.

placid like acid