Forums > Contributor Zone > BRACKET: ROUND TWO, STAGE TWO

Round Two, Stage Two. Three will be up shortly, so all three wil be active at once. The match ups are as follows:

Cario vs. Boo

DoI vs. Beli

For us. For them. For you.

suck my dick HG

Oh no, it's a Goomba!

"Cario" vs. Boo

Cairo's didn't really strike a chord with me because I walked away with the same impression I got from EmP's Dracula review last round: While the general quality and vocabulary are impressive (pick out any one sentence and you'd conclude the review is a masterpiece), the writing is simultaneously so thick and dense (in an almost literal sense) that I often had trouble making heads or tails of what you were saying and had to read over certain parts again to fully understand. Your Assassin's Creed is a fantastic example of what happens when your obvious talent as a writer is put to good use. Here, it's overdone, as if you were too preoccupied trying to come off as artsy than with actually supplying us with the information we need. Boo's BioShock is just as impressive from a technical standpoint -- the difference is that I don't have to dig too deep to get the info I want. Boo somehow finds a way to make nearly every sentence witty or clever in its own way while at the same time painting a very clear picture of what he likes and doesn't like about the game. Which may be easier for him, since I just finished BioShock about a month or two ago, and since so much discussion on the game has risen on HG recently, but he nonetheless struck me as the clear winner. I thought the psychiatric help line was kinda lame, and the numbered points at the end broke up the flow of your review (you're basically saying, "I don't know where else to mention these, so I'll just dump them here"), but otherwise this is outstanding work. I meant what I said about you being one of my favorite reviewers. Winner: Boo

DoI vs. Beli

This match surprised me because both reviews are excellent. DoI's Painkiller is detailed and engrossing, Beli's is funny and shows off his constantly creative approach to reviewing. (Even the opening two lines make it clear that this guy does not just phone it in.) I don't have anything particularly insightful to say about either, unfortunately. I'm voting for DoI's simply because every inch of his review is relevant, whereas I felt Beli took as much time to talk about less. That's difficult to describe, so know that it's not a huge complaint, that I enjoyed both reviews very much, and that this was a tough one to call. Winner: DoI

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I felt bad, so I actually decided to read the reviews for this round.

cairo vs. blu

I think the problem I had with cairo's review is that he took a bit long getting into the game. There are bits and pieces of it in the early paragraphs, but he really doesn't start talking about Max Payne until the 4th paragraph. And at that time, I was starting to lose interest, but I still read on.

I guess that's why I prefered blu's BioShock review much better, because he gets right into the game, talking about enviroments and describing certain moments, giving you a good idea about Rapture. One problem I can point out is that he never really tells you the genre the game belongs to until the final paragraph, so people who have never played or heard about the game before will probably have disjointed images of the game in their mind as they read the descriptions.

I pick blu.

doi vs. beli

DoI's review was very interesting, and gave some very amusing descriptions about screaming ninjas and severed heads that shoot lasers. The problem I had with it was that his arguments about the game's problems didn't feel strong enough. He mentions the flaws, but it really didn't seem like he found them that annoying.

Beli's review was very lively and colorful, but I had a hard time figuring out if he hated the game or loved it. It was only until the end that I realized he actually enjoyed the game. That was the main problem I had with his review.

So, the pick for this is for DoI.

I head spaceshit noises

CAIRO vs. BOO.

Sometimes, I decide to spell Johnny’s name right. For kicks.

But I’m not going to vote him through this round! I wouldn’t change a damn thing about his review, but it’s so damn heavy, it makes Boo look wafer thin. This is to fit in with the leaden Noir narration Max Payne drips with and, once the intended audience is hit, it’s magic. That’s not to say it’s easy going at times though and sometimes the writing simply gets in the way of the review. Boo gives his game the same score of six, but he earns that rank with more evidence then £the game wanes second half” which, for all his fancy writing, is the only thing Cairo really attacks. Boo takes an adventurous stand; he gets on his pedestal in an internet swarming with love for a game and yells “Your game bites!” then he tells you why. It’s good writing (of which I’ll take my obligatory and undeserved credit for, thankyouverymuch) and a great review. I remember judging it and saying the writing is so good in places that I had to double check it was a Boo review. Yeah, those are now the bits I’ll claim to have written.

(But I’m lying. For the most part)

WINNER: BOO

DoI vs. BELI.

God bless BELI. He may have written this review too late to squeeze it in to the BWHY tourney it was intended to, but he at least he came through with his review. DoI didn’t. I’m pretty sure I’m petty enough for that to matter.

BELI’s review is much improved from the initial effort I remember me and Boo left feedback on as a curious gesture for completing the review (Pre Venter-coding. I’d link you in, but….) A good job is done in selling what makes Rayman tick; unique colourful locations and lashing of challenge. The biggest problem his review has s it seems to keep going well after the best place for the review to end is. From here out, we’re given recap paragraphs starting with “As I already mentioned”, shots at game mascots we’re all trying to forget and a lot of text we don’t really need. This review would work so much better if it ended at “it’s glorious!” DoI’s waste no such space and instead shows you the very best the game has to offer right at the start before then slowly striping away at the things that detract from the experience. It’s a well-used tactic, but one pulled off particularly well in this review. I’m left with a clear idea of the games pros and cons at the end of the piece and I’ve enjoyed the writing along the way. He’s lucky, too; I’m still bitter about that no show. I’d given him Quake. I’m still not convinced that game exists.

WINNER DoI

For us. For them. For you.

Alrighty, having a flat tire has put me in a bit of a pissed-off mood, so my comments might be more of an abrupt, antagonistic sort of thing, but my intentions are good. So, don't take it personally if I say you suck.

CAIRO vs. BOO
Let's see, Cairo's review was a fun, entertaining read, but I felt I had to work to get to the gist of the review -- that this was an okay game that didn't really do anything special. Most of it seemed to be more of a creative writing exercise than anything else. Which is cool when I'm in the mood for it, but if I'm not (like today), it doesn't do much for me. On the other hand, Blu's also was fun and entertaining, but also to the point. He did a good job of praising the premise while damning the execution. The rating of 6 worked for me, as the review's description of the story made me want to play it, even if the rest of the review made me pretty sure I'd be disappointed by that experience.
WINNER: BOO

DoI vs. BELISARIOS
After an opening paragraph where DoI went for an Olympic medal for "MOST TIMES USING HATRED IN ONE PARAGRAPH", this turned into a pretty good review. Maybe not one of the best I've read, but a good, informative piece with a couple parts I really liked. You did a great job of making your point about Belial overusing a limited number of taunts and I have to say, your description of the tasks to get tarot cards gave me a "fun" flashback to the requirements to get certain non-important medals in Dark Cloud 2. You'd have a bunch of enemies you NEEDED to use your one character's robot to beat (or risk getting butchered), but you'd have to use a melee attack, so you'd be getting pounded while barely damaging them. Putting things in that make me think, "Yeah, it really does SUCK when you have to do that!" always is good. While Beli's was a fun read that deserves credit from having the perfect whimsical tone for what sounds like a whimsical platformer (makes me want to play the GBA Rayman game on my computer), Problem is it's got more style than substance. Kinda reads like "This game's cool and I like it so you should too!" with little more to convince me. To me, the game sounds like a standard platformer (collect 100 of something for a 1-UP!) with really cool artwork. DoI had more substance to his, so he gets the win. And that's the only reason. Being the SON OF A CAMEL that beat me the last round didn't enter into my decision at all. Nope. Not at all.
WINNER: DoI (the guy who DIDN'T eliminate me). Like I said.....not at all!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

I'll try to vote in this later tonight... if I have time.

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Boo over Cairo

DoI over Beli

Feedback may or may not come for both of these matches.

...

Cairo vs Boo

Wow, Cairo's is thick. And heavy. And long.

People complain about EmP's Dracula review being thick in the writing, but I didn't really have a problem with his. I knew what he was trying to say, and for the most part, it had a point. Cairo's, however, just seems to go on a tangent a lot of the time... I can't make much sense of what he's talking about because the text is so heavy. Perhaps he had a point to this - maybe he tried to emulate the game's narrative style or whatever that I heard talk about - but it really doesn't work for me. And lines like this only add to the confusion:

George Will writing in stream-of-consciousness while on a heroin bender...

This'll only make sense to people who know who George Will is. In fact, Cairo has a habit of putting obscure (or at least to me) things in his reviews, and he does so several times throughout this one. It just confuses me, really.

Boo's, however, reads much more smoothly. For the most part, I know what he's talking about despite never playing the game, and I can read it and be quite entertained. I'm not wondering when the thing'll be over every second paragraph with this review. The examples are relevant - I really liked the bees thing, that was amusing - and the criticisms believable. It is a lot more convincing.

Boo also uses Cairo's method of inserting "obscure" references in his pieces... but these are fewer, and most of them I feel like I should know. (Ayn Rand, for example).

Overall, it's pretty good. I dunno why I didn't read it earlier.

Winner: Boo

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Boo vs. Cairo

Winner: Boo

That other match

Winner: Whatever

Justification to come.

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Cairo 0 - 7 Boo

Boo wins

DoI 5 - 0 Beli

DoI wins

For us. For them. For you.