Forums > Submission Feedback > JoeTheDestroyer's Shark Attack review

From the review:

Unlike the ghosts, the shark doesn't chase you about the maze. Instead, it appears on one side and swims to the other, moving through walls. Anything in its path, namely you or treasure, will slip into its belly and suffer a slow, horrible fate in its digestive system.

Yeesh! You'd think that, with a steady diet of golden doubloons and bouillon, a shark wouldn't even be able to stay afloat, let alone swim.

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
-- Adam Savage

Yeah, well, plausibility isn't this game's strong suit. Just the idea of a man-eating shark or a reptile living in Loch Ness is questionable. Maybe less so in the case of the former, as a bull shark might be able to get into Loch Ness via River Ness. I'm no marine biologist, though.

They could have gone with something actually found in the loch, but Sturgeon Attack just doesn't have the same ring.

EDIT:
Scratch that. Loch Ness is too cold for bull sharks.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

I've always thought that plausibility never was the 2600's strong suit. Most of the time, I got the idea that designers kept a room full of first graders on hand to get their ideas from.

LEAD DESIGNER: "Billy, what do you think would be a cool game?"

STUPID KID: "Getting goodies from a lake while sharks and stuff get you!!!!"

LEAD DESIGNER: "Hooo-kayyyyy...we'll work on that one. Now, Sally, how about you?"

STUPID KID II: "I wuv E.T.! Make E.T. a game!!!!"

LEAD DESIGNER: "Oh boy, with this system, this isn't going to turn out well... *sigh* Whatever, we'll give it a go after we rush out these 15 shoddy arcade-to-2600 ports..."

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

More accurately, the ET conversation went like this:

"Hey guys, what can we spend almost no development dollars on and yet hope to make back millions?"

ANSWER: Anything with Steven Speilberg's name on it.

"Right, get on that."

IRONIC REALITY: They didn't secure the rights until five weeks before delivery and it ended up costing them 125 million dollars to make. That's high even today.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Implausibility isn't exactly friends with retro gaming in general, considering the moments where you have to:

-Kill a giant octopus with a yo-yo
-Fend off entire armies of gutter punks chiefly using your fists and feet
-Contend with bats and raptors so powerful they can blow you back a full twelve feet
-Defeat enemies by jumping on them or throwing rocks at them

I could go on for ages...

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

To be fair, if somebody literally JUMPED ON MY HEAD, I would probably be out for the count, too.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Yeah, true. Especially if the guy is a heavy set Italian wearing big black boots.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.