This thread is in response to a review for inFAMOUS 2 on the PlayStation 3. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.
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Author: zippdementia
Posted: April 10, 2012 (09:11 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Once again I am drawn into your reviews by your unbridled enthusiasm. I really don't think I've come across such an exuberant writer on the site before. That's great and I would keep it up.
Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic." |
Author: Linkamoto
Posted: April 11, 2012 (06:06 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Some good points here, Zipp. I'd like to expand on that just a little. There is a sort of...stilted method to your writing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but as Zipp said, try using the commas less and think of sentences as proclamations. What are you proclaiming in this sentence? I both deeply enjoy AND loathe reading your reviews for reasons entirely different. The mastery of the adjectives and such is wonderful. The manner in which you patch them together leaves a little to be desired. You could easily be one of my favorite writers here with a bit of polish.
"Nowadays, people know the price of everything and the value of nothing" |
Author: zippdementia
Posted: April 12, 2012 (10:55 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
To follow up on Miyamoto-san's point, once you get periods and comma use down, start looking at how stacatto your sentences tend to be. "Cole is back. Zeke is back to help him. They gain powers. They fight to save the city." This goes along with the expansion point I made earlier. Don't just add commas to make longer sentences, add more depth to your sentences.
Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic." |
Author: Alk31997
Posted: April 12, 2012 (11:10 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
I'll take on board what you are saying.. Maybe i just write without looking at the bigger picture. I put my heart and soul into my writing, i try to refine my skills every time i put my fingers to the keyboard. Sometimes i stray away from points, i know. Maybe a write to quick without taking a breath. I feel my writing is good, i use metaphors to add diversity and style, maybe i do add to many adjectives. I will get better and will follow my dreams. I only started writing games reviews a few months ago, my true skills lie in music reviewing, and poetry.
Life Is A Short Circuit Of Self Realization |
Author: zippdementia
Posted: April 12, 2012 (02:23 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Are you a non-native english speaker?
Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic." |
Author: Alk31997
Posted: April 12, 2012 (02:35 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
I'm from Scotland.
Life Is A Short Circuit Of Self Realization |
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