Forums > Contributor Zone > Alpha Olympics 2012 Letter Assignments!

Let me know when I can start judging, if the deadline has been extended.

I can avoid death by not having a life.

I just realized my game was not in the database.

I put a request up for it in the games to be added... thread.

Perhaps I should post it on my blog til the game is accepted in the database?

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips

I don't really have a say, but I'd put in a vote for "trusting Aschultz" and just letting you post it when the game is added. Unless the judges want to get started tonite/this morning.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Well, I just looked at the clock. I'm not going to have this finished in nearly enough time for the "whoops, timezones" excuse.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

I have to work until Wednesday, so I won't start judging for about two more days. That being said, I'm personally okay with people missing the deadline by a little bit, but I'm also a notoriously lazy bum. I'm also barely awake right now, and possibly a little drunk.

Your girlfriend's name ends in .jpg

Here is my rough draft about Tony Hawk doing the 900:

Here's what I remember about professional skateboarding: when ESPN would air the X Games, it was time to see what else was on. “Why weren't they showing real sports?” was the mindset, obviously one influenced by our fathers. But in 1999, I saw the one event that would get the X Games a free pass from me for the rest of my life even if I would never become a fan: Tony Hawk landed the 900.

Now, Tony Hawk did not just land the 900. That would have been a quaint story, an inevitable story, but a story someone could forget.

The event was the best trick competition. The site was San Francisco, a wooden half pipe tattooed with X Games V, with thousands of people looking on, because Tony Hawk is the face of these games, and this is his event to lose. ESPN is airing this live. LIVE. That's an important detail. And Hawk lands a Barrel-720 for his first trick, which might just have locked up the gold already.

So on his next attempt, Hawk goes for the 900, and misses, landing hard on his knees.

Time is running out (I'm not sure why this is timed, but it's timed...). Hawk goes for it again. Same result.

And he has one last shot before the buzzer. He's at the top of the pipe, and there is this fiery determination in his eyes, like he's staring into the eyes of a wild animal. He takes off with his board, he's building momentum, he's leading into the trick, he pulls off two successful revolutions in midair, his board touches down...

...and Tony Hawk again falls hard on his knees, and he pops right back up in an instant, and looks like a man possessed.

But it's all over. Time's up. See you next year.

And suddenly it doesn't matter that this competition is over per the rules. It's like two fighters going an extra round, because both think they can earn the TKO, completely ignoring the referees and the judges. Hawk goes back up, pouring with sweat, and tries again, and misses once more. The crowd is screaming “Tony Tony Tony.” They want an encore. He's back for another attempt, and he misses just barely, falling backwards onto his elbow, his closest try yet. And he pops back with a confident sneer, as if he knows he's got this, and can't believe it hasn't happened yet. The crowd is absolutely nuts. Other skateboarders are banging their boards on the pipe. Another attempt...

...and he misses yet again, and it's becoming clear the pain of falling so many times is getting to him. And the frustration is getting to him. And any normal man would call it quits, and not risk turning the scene into an embarrassment, because it is clearly not getting any easier.

But he goes again. He falls down again. And the crowd is still ridiculous, and they're the only thing propelling Hawk right now. And ESPN is still broadcasting it live, despite the fact it's now run into another time slot by several minutes, which is brilliant, because no one watching this could ever look away. And Tony Hawk looks completely worn out. He's become Kevin Costner in Tincup, in real life, and nothing but this trick matters, because he needs to do this to prove it to himself or go down in a blaze of glory trying. Few moments feel so desperate, so electric.

And on his next attempt, he completes the whirlwind spin, he scrunches his body until he's barely over a foot tall, he lands the 900, and everyone goes fucking bananas, but not just because this man contorted his body in a way no one else ever had before on a skateboard, but because he refused to take no for an answer.

Ha, Leroux, that's a great story. I've no interest in skating and you still captured me with that one. At this point you could just add something like:

"Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, Tony Hawk Pro Skating 2. Yeah, it's nowhere near as cool as that story."

End of review.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Judges can start reading now if they feel like it'll help them save time. But I think I am going to allow the extension until Friday. Others can edit their reviews if they like, but if the judges feel like reading through their stuff early, then these edits might be missed.

As for Schultz, his review will be allowed without penalty since his was only an hour off the deadline. I'm sure he'll be able to submit it properly soon.

Lerouox's draft is awesome and hilarious. If you decide you want to try and finish it within the extension, you won't be penalized because it's obvious you've been trying. (I read your blog about the memory card thing, too.)

I may waive the penalty for genj, too, if he gets his done soon (assuming he's still up to it), but we'll see.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Thanks for the amnesty and trust, folks. I posted my review to my blog.

I'm just confused about the timezones, though--I thought they were pacific time? And I submitted mine at like 1:30 AM Central? I mean, yes to maybe giving myself more of a buffer especially with the NCAA tourney on, but I was just curious.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips

They should be, but I think because of DST, it's only behind by an hour now for some reason. Sorry. That's something I'd forgotten to calculate.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

It may end up coming down to game choice, in the end.

I think you're right, which makes me wonder how well I'll do. I'm lucky that I just happened to have an E game on my reviewing queue, but it's nevertheless a game that everyone's pretty much sick of hearing about.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

... but at the same time an infinitely more involving game to read about in any shape or form than Vampires: Until Dawn. Yours has beautiful, snow crusted, landscapes. Mine has dirt roads.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Schultz should probably submit his review since his game was added (took a while).

Judging is hard. It'll probably take a bit longer than I thought since I'll probably have to read them all before I start commenting.

I can avoid death by not having a life.

Sorry I missed this one, guys. I really thought the date was March 28. Best letter I ever drew and I wasted it. :(

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Well, so much for that. Oh, well. I can't complain about the turnout so far. It's been pretty stellar. I'm going to add Schultz's review as his blog post until he posts it properly.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Posted my review for Deadly Premonition. Late, but not by the new deadline, and other people are getting a free pass.

"My father, the Emperor, had many powers of the Dark Side. But without three eyes he could never achieve perfection." - Trioculus

Alright. Your review's been posted to the list. This officially concludes the submission period for this tournament.

Judges, mail me your responses when you're ready.

Thank you all for contributing to this. I have a feeling it will be a great contest.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

The level of writing in this tournament is astounding. I haven't read them all yet, but I've been really impressed. I'm having trouble trying to score these, because it means one is better than the other. Tempted to just give a whole bunch of you 95/100 and let the other judges decide. :P

I can avoid death by not having a life.

The level of writing in this tournament is astounding. I haven't read them all yet, but I've been really impressed. I'm having trouble trying to score these, because it means one is better than the other. Tempted to just give a whole bunch of you 95/100 and let the other judges decide. :P

Shit. That's what I was doing. Guess it's on Spiggy then.

If I Offended You, You Needed It.

I'm judging them with my cat, by asking her opinion of them after reading, and part of the score is based on my cat's response. I hope you're cat lovers, contestants!

Your girlfriend's name ends in .jpg

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

This is not a threat. This is a promise.

For us. For them. For you.

I sure hope the other judges are putting a little variety in their scores because I'm not. Mostly because I'm utterly impressed with a majority of the reviews so far. As it stands--based on my numbers alone--we're fixing to have a six-way tie. They all deserve to win.

If I Offended You, You Needed It.

Finished!

I can avoid death by not having a life.

As am I. I would like to go over it one last time to make sure there are no typos, but if you need them sooner than tomorrow just let me know and I'll send them to you, Wolf.

If I Offended You, You Needed It.