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Forums > Submission Feedback > EmP's Hydrophobia [XBLA] review

This thread is in response to a review for Hydrophobia on the Xbox 360. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.

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Author: Masters (Mod)
Posted: April 14, 2011 (01:13 PM)
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Nice review for a game I was always interested in when I would come across it on XBLA.

And having read this in its early stages, I can confirm that you also did the rarest of things.

You listened! Muahahahaha.

I know this was a mini-breakthrough for you, of the recent and uncommon Emp-writer's block, so kudos! Keep 'em coming.


I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: April 14, 2011 (01:53 PM)
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Thanks, Marc. I had a hell of a lot of trouble getting this one written and seeing it fnished and posted is a huge relief. Hopefully, the next one won't be so hard.


For us. For them. For you.

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Author: overdrive (Mod)
Posted: April 15, 2011 (10:26 AM)
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Writer's block. I feel that.

Good review that answered a lot of questions I had about this game. I knew it was being promoted as this revolutionary deal due to the water physics...and then it dropped off the face of the earth as far as publicity, with about all I knew being that it was disappointing. I now know why it was disappointing and that the designers improved it to make it a worthwhile play.


I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

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Author: WilltheGreat
Posted: April 15, 2011 (08:32 PM)
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Much of you time will be spent trying to keep your head above the radically unpredictable water that may to as little as make your shoes soggy, or was much as trap you in a rip tide and hurl you, squirming and struggling, into its depths.

"Do" instead of "to"?


"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

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Author: bloomer
Posted: April 18, 2011 (07:04 AM)
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I found the content of this review extremely interesting, but there was a bit too much confusion in the writing for me to give it a RotW slot, basically because of tense issues.

The body of the review has lots of little changes of tense, often within the same idea or paragraph

E.G. "Kate found herself trapped" (then)
and
"When she's not swimming, she's free running" (now)

are back to back in the section talking about what she did in the old game, which necessarily needs to all stay in past tenses.

Of course you didn't make life easy for yourself in this review by talking about a past game, how the future looked back then for the past game, talking about what developers did in the past after the first past but before the present, and then talking about the present :)

Also watch out for looseness in other areas:

EG "In its attempt to cover so much ground, the old cliché about trying do everything but mastering nothing held partially true."

The trick in this sentence is it looks like you're saying it was the old cliche which was trying to cover the ground, as 'its' is dangling at this point, and doesn't necessarily mean 'Hydrophobia's'.

Good work on the changeups of your style in this review, though.


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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: April 18, 2011 (08:55 AM)
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Thanks for your thoughts, Bloomer. I had such a hard time with this review that, when a finished draft finally came to the point where I was somewhat happy with it, I just wanted it released and done. The idea of going back and forth between old and new versions seemed like such a good angle in my head, but turned into a nightmare when trying to get it down on paper. It's certainly something I want to go back to and tighten up in the future but I'm not sure I can face it just yet.

If you have access to it, I would reccomend Hydrophobia to you. You seem to be its target audience.


For us. For them. For you.

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Author: JoeTheDestroyer (Mod)
Posted: April 21, 2011 (07:57 PM)
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Indeed, indeed. Good review! :D


The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

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Author: wolfqueen001
Posted: May 02, 2011 (05:08 PM)
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Despite the fact that you hardly need me to leave you feedback anymore because Marc's doing it all, I will anyway because I'm nice like that. Let's start with the bad first because we know you like to focus on that and only that. For the love of God, I hope you don't just focus on that. I swear. Otherwise I'm going to stop proofing your stuff altogether. >_> I mean, lordy, there isn't even that much wrong with it in the first place.(P.S. If I sound snarky in this paragraph, then sorry. It's because I'm still a little disgruntled about the last review in which I left feedback for you.)

Anyway, as hard as it was for you to write this, and as much as you hated it, I really do think this turned out well. The comparisons between the old version of the game and the new work very well, especially because you clearly define which one you're talking about. I didn't really notice any issues with tenses, but skimming through again shows that, in at least one instance, they're still there. However, to me, it's not a big deal because you used other methods of delineating which version you were talking about. Perhaps you went back and made sure this was clearer in the first place; I don't know. In any case, you should be happy with this. From the title alone, I was interested in this game, and now I'm even more so interested.


[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

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Author: EmP (Mod)
Posted: May 03, 2011 (09:19 AM)
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Thanks for those catches. The review's okay and it's not like I'm deeply ashamed of it, but it didn't come out as well as I had hoped for.


For us. For them. For you.

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Author: Masters (Mod)
Posted: May 03, 2011 (09:20 AM)
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You get ones like that, where you struggled just to put something out there. Initially, those are hard to swallow--the content is usually disappointing. But with time away, those are the among the most rewarding: knowing you got through the sludge and immortalized the experience.


I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

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