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Forums > Submission Feedback > Genj's Hourai Gakuen no Bouken! review

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Author: honestgamer (Mod)
Posted: January 04, 2011 (04:03 PM)
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Until the last paragraph, this was the most polished and efficient review I can recall ever reading from you. Even the last paragraph was efficient, but there were two rather obvious grammatical errors. Please fix those. I think this has a really good chance at doing very, very well in the competition, particularly if the judges enjoy it as much as I did. You told me everything I needed to know and made your points relevant and easy to relate to. Terrific stuff!


"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto


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Author: Genj
Posted: January 04, 2011 (05:15 PM)
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Fixed. Thanks.


_


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Author: CoarseDragon
Posted: January 05, 2011 (12:58 PM)
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You missed this one. Should "be" have been added after can and before male?

Additionally your hero can male or female,

Other than above this was well writen.


Age is a condition not a state of mind.


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