Forums > Submission Feedback > EmP's Breath of Death VII: The Beginning [XBLI] review

Nice, I was actually going to try the demo, but Marketplace was being a pain and I forgot about it. Reading this has served as a reminder to try it out, and that it could be worth a purchase.

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I really liked this review, EmP! Grammatical issues aside, it's one of your strongest pieces that I can remember reading in awhile. I've decided to celebrate the occasion by pretending for a few minutes that I'm wolfqueen. Accordingly, here's a line crit.

The battles that take places are breathtakingly swift,: they’re usually over in seconds but lose nothing in the way of challenge because of it.

You have a comma and a colon after 'swift' and could definitely afford to lose the comma.

As a veteran warrior, DEM already knows these things but lacking the ability to tell the ghost to shut up means a convenient basics rundown for the gamer.

You're trying to do just a little bit too much with this sentence. It should really be two separate sentences with a few words added. Possible example: "As a veteran warrior, DEM already knows these things. His inability to tell the ghost to shut up is convenient for the gamer, though, who gets a rundown of the basics as a result."

Though the game is quite long for and indie title, the refreshing brevity of these battles helps it zoom along smoothly.

You mean "an indie title" here, not "and indie title."

Levelling characters up presents the choice of two unique buffs, be them differing statistical boosts of varying fields, or spells.

I think "them" should be "they" here, though the sentence still seems slightly awkward.

The jokes are sometimes groanworthy but almost always brilliant, stretching right back into the hazy 80’s to find games to gleefully mock before turning its sights back on more recent targets.

"its sights" should be "their sights," because the pronoun "its" is referring to "The jokes," not to "the game."

Before anything else, it shows that it’s a game made by someone who knows the field they’re working in; it helps that said person is then able to translate this knowledge into a quirky, funny and outright competent video game.

This doesn't really feel like proper use of a semi-colon. The above should really be two sentences. Also, in the first portion, you have "it" referring to separate things too close together. Something like "the humor" would do well to replace the first "it" to keep your meaning clear. Near the end of that first part, "they're" is referring to the "said person" referenced in the second part, so "they're" should be "he's" to remain in the right mode.

Breath of Death VII is one of those rare parody games that recognises and mocks the pitfalls of its genre, but then sidesteps them in its own design, equipping itself with a veneer of smug satisfaction that transcends to the gamer.

"transcends to the gamer" doesn't quite work, but "transfers to the gamer" would.

Thanks for reviewing this. I had no idea that it even exists and it sounds like something that I would very much enjoy playing. The angle that you took worked perfectly, your examples were interesting and you covered all of the bases that really mattered to me. Great job!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto

You'd make an awful WQ. Not once did you insinuate that I've not written a good review since 2007.

Many thanks for the catches and, to both of you, I can't recommend BoDVII enough. Especially since it's at 80mps. Shoes for your avatar cost more!

For us. For them. For you.

It just so happens that my balance on Xbox Live was 80 points. I have just downloaded it and perhaps one of these days, I'll actually play it!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto

You'd make an awful WQ. Not once did you insinuate that I've not written a good review since 2007.

XXXD No! You're just so good now that I can't honestly say that one's better than the other anymore! Yeah, that's it. You're too good now. >.> Though you'll sooner forget all the ones I've gushed over recently or in the past three years. =P

Hooray! At least now it's been bumped to 2007 instead of 2006, though! =D

Thanks for doing most of my work for me, Jason! Saves me a lot of time. Maybe now I can get a vacation. He works me like a dog you know. XD

....er, well, bad example, but you know what I mean! =D

EDIT: OK. I read the review. I'm going to be a rebel and say that while I did like this one, I think your Shining Wisdom review was better. At least to me. Maybe it's because I could see the effort you put into that one or something. Anyway, some stuff Jason missed:

When broken down into base like that

"broken down to basics" sounds better to me, but it's up to you

The battles that take places

place

the counter is reset by any of numerous special techniques

Insert "the" between here; it sounds better

Then it heaps on the satire. Then DEM will stop techno-obsessed vampire, Lita, stealing from a house while she complains about it being par for course, or the game itself will mock you with unobtainable chests (Oh, I bet there’s something AWESOME in that chest behind the forever-locked door. If only you had a master of unlocking…).

I'd remove this "then" since you used it to start the previous sentence, and it's also a bit unnecessary. Also, THIS SENTENCE IS TOO LONG! I'll highlight points where you'd be better off breaking it up. Like, if you broke it up, you could either do it at the first instance, or leave it as is, and just make everything you have in parentheses its own sentence instead of an add-on (though keep the parentheses). (Like this.)

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will