Forums > Submission Feedback > wolfqueen001's Beyond Good & Evil review

I’ll show you for countless nit-picky feedbacks!

I wouldn’t call Beyond Good & Evil a conventional sort of game. Sure, it may combine traditional aspects of adventure games that may not ease skeptics’ cynicism,

Game & games too close together. Is skeptic with a k the yank version of the word? I don’t know!

in the planet’s main lighthouse.

Is it a main lighthouse? It always struck me as some run down place they live in because they can.

Hillys’s

This isn’t strictly wrong, but you already use a s’ clause with the (maybe misspelt) skeptics’. Pick a possessive and stick with it -- or else!

powerful Dai-Jo staff

Daï-Jo. Two dots over the I. Shame on you.

I’ve never played nor even heard of this game, but you make it sound very appealing indeed. Good job on that. Perhaps I’ll pick up a copy.

For us. For them. For you.

XD We'll just see about that! Now watch as I successfully defend the majority of my choices!

Game & games too close together. Is skeptic with a k the yank version of the word? I don’t know!

Fair enough about the repetitive word thing. I suppose I can remove that prepositional phrase at the end of the first occurrence altogether and it'll be fine. Or just use a synonym in the latter case. Skeptic, though, is indeed correct. =P

Is it a main lighthouse? It always struck me as some run down place they live in because they can.

Haha, I dunno. I really called it that just to find a way to describe it. And, despite that it seems to be the only lighthouse in the game at first, I'm under the impression that there are indeed more because when you're in the spaceship, there are numerous spotlights and things overhead from various other islands that I assumed served the same purpose of a lighthouse. Though maybe they were just security measures.

This isn’t strictly wrong, but you already use a s’ clause with the (maybe misspelt) skeptics’. Pick a possessive and stick with it -- or else!

Aha! Now I've got you. The first occurrence of the possessive (skeptics') is a plural possessive. Hillys is a singular noun so takes the singular possessive as shown here. There's a foggy grammatical rule regarding singular possessive nouns ending in s that I think only counts for proper important nouns like Jesus or something but I've never been too clear on that so I sometimes make the rule apply to everything. I decided not to this time, though. XD

Daï-Jo. Two dots over the I. Shame on you.

Hahaha. Oh, thanks. I didn't know how to make the umlaut on the keyboard (I should learn those alt codes). I bet you didn't know it was called an umlaut. ...or if I even spelled that right. =D

I’ve never played nor even heard of this game, but you make it sound very appealing indeed. Good job on that. Perhaps I’ll pick up a copy.

XD Stop lying. You reviewed the game yourself. =P (Yes, I know what you're really doing with this statement). Thanks! <3 I wasn't sure about this one at first. I ran it by Suskie before subbing it, so I had already made some changes to it, though they weren't as huge as the changes I'd intended from the beginning. I was actually thinking about moving whole paragraphs around at some point, but then decided that'd be too complicated and might actually make it worse rather than better.

Thanks also for leaving feedback on my birthday. I wasn't even sure if this review would get feedback to begin with (beyond what Suskie gave me, I mean). =D

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

I was going to give you feedback on this but then noticed it is your TT entry and since I am judging I can't do that here.

Age is a condition not a state of mind.

Jesus'
Moses'
Isis'
Zigfried'

//Zig

Unlimited Zig Works!

CD: Yeah, sorry; I knew you'd be giving feedback for the TT, so I didn't intend for that to apply to you.

Haha, Zig. I guess I forgot to clarify that the rule only applies to names ending in "s".

I hate grammar sometimes.

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Excuse all the bolding. Apostrophes combined with quotation marks are hard to read.

Yeah, the Hillys's did make me wonder if that was grammatically incorrect. I, personally, would've put Hillys', like James', Ross', or Dr. Jacobs', but that's just me. It's not something I'm going to worry too much about.

...

I really liked this review. For now, I'm just going to nitpick and bring up one particular sentence:

Thus you’re forced to fend off waves of ugly monsters, freeing the captive children within their sarcophagus-shaped bodies...

Two things:

1) The use of the second-person was a bit odd, since you write from Jade's perspective immediately before and after this sentence (e.g. "The story begins with Jade...", "Alone, Jade can’t handle the beast..."), so there's a little bit of inconsistency.

2) "...freeing the captive children within their sarcophagus-shaped bodies" was tough for me to understand. After several reads, I came to this conclusion: the orphans cared for by Jade get captured when the alien force invaded, and they are trapped inside the monsters, who have "sarcophagus-shaped bodies". Am I close?

...

Alright. I'll take a look at that first thing. As for the second, you would be correct. If it's awkward, that's probably because I wanted to phrase it differently than EmP did in his review, otherwise I'd feel like I was plagiarizing, and then I'd probably hate myself.

Thanks for the feedback.

Also, man. That's the last time I try to be a rebel with my grammar, haha. =P

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will