Forums > Submission Feedback > pickhut's Deadly Premonition review

Lots of comma splices here. Last sentence of P1, second of P2. And P2-2nd sentence swerves too quickly to P2-3rd sentence. Is fighting for the plot to make sense in your mind too much effort?

And I also feel the review may dwell a bit too much on what went wrong when it should've been more to the point. This is tricky. We need to emphasize what sucks, and sometimes in real life we need to repeat ourselves. But have you ever been around the guy who seemed to complain cleverly at first but then get tiresome? Reviews can be like that too, going to the well once too often. As a result, some funny lines are buried. "I wish I didn't have to say this" or "see what I mean" hedges can get out of control in essays. They tend to work once, but used too often, they grow stale. An example is near the end: "That's how much the play mechanics sucked." followed by a good observation that this game was made for video playthrough sites.

This happens in the previous paragraphs too--the main sense of dread being having to go through the zombie grind again, which you're assured of passing but which'll take a while. The good stuff seems buried behind lashing out with complaints and that's a bit of a shame.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips