Forums > Submission Feedback > darkstarripclaw's SBK: Snowboard Kids review

Found a typo in paragraph three:

such as the Parachute, which slows an opopnent down by a third of his former speed for a few seconds

While this review is certainly informative and points out all the ways the CPU cheeses, there really isn't a conclusion per se. The review just suddenly cuts off. I felt like I was slammed into a wall of ice after the review was finished.

Anyway, nice job of providing plenty of intricate details. I particularly enjoyed the section about the "boss" races; those certainly sound like the pits.

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

Thanks, I fixed the typo.

Originally after I had finished that last paragraph, I was attempting to write a concluding paragraph, but could not figure a direction to write it in; hence, I went back and edited it a bit to make it the conclusion. I see what you mean now, so while I still have not added anything on, I rewrote the lines about the Canada course again to make it end more smoothly.

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Oops...someone already made a topic. So I'm tacking stuff on. Looks like the Canada paragraph was redone after the initial submission, and it shows. So good job. Original shpeel below.

Hello fellow FAQ writer--your SBK: Snowboard Kids review is a good review. The technical mistakes made can be ironed out. You try some neat things, and many work. If I had a big criticism, it's that there's too much repetition that may feel in the flow when you write it, but it doesn't work out. I hope the comments are the clever and entertaining side of ironic. Let me know if you'd like me to back off for future reviews, or how much criticism you want to see. I don't know. I use RotW'ing as a way to ramp up criticizing my own stuff, and I like to be tough, but I don't want to be vicious.

In our modern society today ... urbanised: you get up in the morning in the inner city or suburb, ... the rat race that is life.

I highlighted these to note the repetition and slightly overused phrase. When you mentioned commuting I was half begging for you to link that up with the DS being great for helping enjoy a commute. You could tie that into the Snowboard Kids 64 and 2, e.g. "Snowboard Kids brings a fondly-remembered series from the Nintendo 64 to the DS, allowing players to enjoy an adrenaline pumping cross of skiing, etc during otherwise tedious commutes."

The comparison to other series is good, but again you throw in too many modifiers: "somewhat similar in several ways." Do you mean the mechanics are closer to Mario Kart than any more realistic snowboarding games like 1080 or SSX?

an item from item blocks. As can be expected, there are items

A lot of repetition there. Perhaps: As you race down the mountain, you pick up items that can affect you, such as the Nitro for a speed boost, or that affect others, such as the Wall, which blocks your opponent. There's even a Snowflake to repel others' attacks." The special attack segment is good, but maybe you could mention if there are new characters.

However, SBK: Snowboard Kids cannot carry its weight alone by imitating the party-style of the Mario Kart games: as a result, (and much like its predecessors),

This is a bit tangled. It's a recurring theme throughout the review and makes it feel a bit longer than it should. The review looks to be the right length, but the needless repetition drags it back. The way I look at it is this: we don't like games wavering and being unsure of what to do next, or even telegraphing what happens next a bit too much. Same for reviews.

aforementioned items: certain items, such as the aforementioned Parachute or Fog,

This paragraph about computer AI makes a good point, but again it could be more succinct. "If you play alone, the 3 computer AIs gang up on you, and dodging requires precise timing before you jump." It seems like they could coordinate attacks to wipe you out. Plus, I hate the word aforementioned. You used it twice.

Another manner in which a player can be screwed over is

Here, you could say "Narrow tunnels become unnecessarily vicious, because running into a wall catches you inside its rock surface for a few seconds before you fall out."

I also like the complaint about Snowboard Kids grown up. Perhaps you could put that at the start, with a question "Does this mean the series added maturity or lost its charm?" I also think that, from what you say, unrealistic depictions are appropriate since the game doesn't mind being unrealistic.

That said, it is the presence of two little things that make SBK: Snowboard Kids enjoyable and prevent it from falling underneath the raging waves: level design and graphics and the music.

I count three. Do you mean level design and aesthetics save the game? I like the next paragraph, because one would expect Germany to be all stodgy, based on stereotypes. And I think the ending is planned well, though I do have to point out one thing.

ultimately concludes quite nicely

For me, phrases like this make a review feel longer without adding any substance. It's like eating margarine--not particularly bad for you, but it leaves less room for the real food. Or maybe putting too much margarine on the food.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips