Forums > Submission Feedback > wolfqueen001's Half-Life 2 review

Nice job WQ. I liked the italicized, pacing headers -- especially the final one.

Love this line:

The decrepit city of Ravenholm is home to many a fell beast.

I have two tiny catches you might want to address:

If that weren’t enough, you soon learn that your fortune just can’t withstand.

This doesn't sound quite right, does it?

It doesn’t matter that there’s four of them or that they take four rockets to destroy or that they’re slaughtering your men with ease.

It would clarify things to insert the word "each" after "rockets".

That's it.

I quite like that you went with a more straightforward version of your style for this; I prefer it to your more flowery work.

Kudos!

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

Thanks! I've addressed the two little nitpicks you pointed out. I'm really glad you like this, though. I think it's one of my better ones, especially recently. Interestingly, I considered it quite flowery myself, but I'm glad you think don't think so if you prefer otherwise. =P

I'm also glad my pseudo-section things rang well with you as I really sort of used this review as an experiment. More appropriately, I sort of used this review as a chance to expand on what I had tried with my first Half Life review. I'm pleased that this one was able to strike a better balance between the styles.

What espiga does in his free time
[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will