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Forums > Submission Feedback > eviltb's BioShock 2 review

This thread is in response to a review for BioShock 2 on the Xbox 360. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.

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Author: aschultz
Posted: February 24, 2010 (12:56 PM)
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First, welcome! This is a good first effort--yes, I cringe when people tell *me* that, but I guess there's always the standard disclaimer that when you start things, you're going to make "good" mistakes that help you nail things down. I see a lot of that here. This is an involving review and I like the narrative style.

The first few paragraphs come off as a bit colloquial: "Rapture still looks as messed up as it does in the first game and the decal looks awesome." is one of those sentences. I'd be more interested in hearing about hte moral choices first, since they affect the story, and then the graphics part can come next. Perhaps "Playing on hard killed me too quickly, even though I got to use dualplasmids. It got in the way of the story and moral choices in rescuing Little Sisters. Rapture is still the same ghost town, but [new graphic details] enhance the story." (Note that "makes killing things a lot easier" also semi-contradicts the "hard" setting, and perhaps you should clarify. Were you able to replay on hard later? Did it add to the story?)

And there's an overuse of the verb "feels"...in this case, it's better to give examples of why something feels the way it does than saying it. Or "Not as weird as it sounds, when you consider the game." drops the reader before moving along.

Also I think I mentioned this in other reviews but a line like "Reading back this review you may think I don’t like this game. I did enjoy it, that’s for sure." suggests that maybe you should have balanced things towards your final conclusion/score more in the review.

There are also some proofreading issues that throwing your writing into Microsoft Word or some online grammar checker will fix. It's an annoying last step to take, but it has to be done. One of the toughest things to do is reread your work and often I need a 2-hour break from writing before I get back to it. There's definitely enough in your review that revising it could make for something pretty cool.


My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips


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Author: eviltb
Posted: February 25, 2010 (02:19 AM)
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Thanks for the feedback :) I wrote this assuming most would have played the first one (as I have) so I left out a lot about moral choices etc, as I wanted to be as spoiler-free as possible. I guess you could summarise my review as "For fans of the series its 'more of the same' with the addition of some properly thought-out multiplayer, however if you didnt play the first game this one wont do much to drag you in". Which fits with my 'wow' or 'growl' statement at the beginning. I'll keep your tips in mind though for when I write something new!


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Author: aschultz
Posted: February 25, 2010 (03:19 AM)
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Hello...glad you found what I said interesting/helpful! I have to admit I'm very retro-oriented, and I needed to research what made BioShock special and worthy of a sequel. Especially since 3 people wrote a review on it. Guess I didn't do everything.

I agree you shouldn't have to spoon-feed people, and I think it's tricky (but the best of both worlds) when you can touch on what made game A great while its sequel worked well too because it (did more of the same/provided a different angle.)


My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips


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