Forums > Submission Feedback > PAJ89's Peggle (XLA) review

Don't particularly care for the soap box intro. Yes, I understand what you are trying to accomplish here, but it takes almost two full paragraphs of introduction before you finally start discussing the game. There has got to be another way of writing a creative intro that takes up less space.

While your review is certainly informative and you obviously put a lot of effort into describing the game, I feel the writing could be a bit tighter. Some of the sentences read a bit awkwardly.

I don't mean to imply this is a bad review; you clearly covered all the bases and give your reader a good idea of what this game is like as well as to whom it may appeal.

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

Cheers for the feedback. It was very much an experiment for me; my natural style is more structured, but I figured as I'd decided on a 10 score I'd depart from that on this occassion.

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I don't think the intro is as bad as Randxian makes it out to be. You start discussing the game very near to the start of the second paragraph, and the first paragraph isn't really that long. I don't think "iPhone" or "Facebook" should be italicised (I could be wrong), but it's an interesting approach to writing the review. After all, there's nothing much exciting at first glance when you look at Peggle, at least in my opinion. You pretty much echo my thoughts in the opener, and it's something I can relate to.

Good review overall. I enjoyed reading it.

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That's exactly what I was going for. Explaining Peggle without playing it is pretty difficult, which is why I went for that opening paragraph. On italics, I thought it was titles and brand names but not totally sure. Been a while since I last saw you Ben, hope alls well with you. Merry Christmas, and all the best in the New Year.

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Hm, might need another opinion on the italics thing. I've never italicised brand names, which is why it looked odd to me, but that's just me.

But yeah, everything's fine at my end - hope it's the same at yours. Enjoy your Christmas and have a great New Year! And I also hope to see you around more often.

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My main issue is the first paragraph comes off as elitist. I'm just saying perhaps there is a better and less abrasive way of putting this.

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

I personally think it's a pretty darn cool intro, although I see Rand's point.

To a casual games gamer, you are going to sound elitist. Especially since you're the one who brought the word up! This might irritate Peggle fans briefly... but they'll appreciate that Peggle was so mighty as to make you see things in a new light. Especially since you demonstrate self-awareness of your elitism.

People who are big fans of Modern Warfare 2 probably won't take too kindly to it, and there's no redeeming revelation for those people (since they probably thumb their noses at stuff like Peggle, too). The intro will likely turn these people off right away. It's up to you whether or not you're okay with that. It's not inherently bad to turn people away.

To a fellow elitist like me, who also likes to do my own thing all the time, your opening paragraph has created an atmosphere of inclusion. Right away, I identify with you. I mean, the alternative is identifying with the unwashed masses... and who wants to do that?

So yes, it's a divisive opening that will have a variety of effects on a lot of different people. That's not a bad thing. Anyone who reads your review knows where you're coming from. And you want to share your experience with people like you. I thought it was a good experiment, and effectively written.

I would actually say the gameplay bits are the ones that start to drag. The problem with really super-cool puzzle/casual games is that when you describe the gameplay in writing, they almost always sound a lot less cool to the world. I have a clear idea of how the game plays, but that doesn't make me want to actually go and play it. My general suggestion for these kinds of "this one is cool, REALLY" reviews is to focus on the experience, or the high-level view of how the game engages the mind, or perhaps your feelings during a particular moment (and you can often work some gameplay description into such examples).

This is advice that I almost never follow myself. We all feel some kind of compulsion to describe gameplay. It's a hard habit to break -- the world has indoctrinated us that "reviews need to describe game mechanics" -- but I think it's a habit we need to break if we're all to grow as critics.

That being said, I thought the bit about twitch reactions not helping was excellent as it focuses more on who will like it and why, and less on the details of how the game plays.

//Zig

EDIT: company and device names should not be italicized; italics are for titles (ie, italicize the name of an iPhone game, but not iPhone itself)

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