This thread is in response to a review for A Mind Forever Voyaging on the Apple II. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.
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Author: zippdementia
Posted: September 11, 2009 (08:25 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Give this one another read, Aschultz. There's a lot of grammatical errors. Check out your last couple lines for some examples.
Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic." |
Author: aschultz
Posted: September 12, 2009 (08:53 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Didn't see the grammar errors in the last couple lines, but they still could be cleaned up. Long sentences and all that. I found another one earlier. Actually, I did let this sit and proofread it, but I think the proofreading caused one continuity error.
My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.' |
Author: JANUS2
Posted: September 12, 2009 (10:35 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
"This means no dazzling puzzles, so while AMFV is not the best introduction to Infocom game, but completists frustrated by the tougher stuff will definitely enjoy it."
"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad |
Author: zippdementia
Posted: September 12, 2009 (11:00 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
My main problem with your most recent reviews is that, while they are for fascinating games, they are also for games that seem very high concept and that makes them difficult to describe. I think for this one in particular you need a very simple paragraph that just explains, like an instruction manual, how this game plays. Usually I would preach exactly the opposite, but for such unique game choices I think it is necessary.
Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic." |
Author: JANUS2
Posted: September 12, 2009 (11:16 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Well, it's an Infocom text adventure. I'm not sure you need to explain it much more than that. But I must admit that the story to this one sounds a bit weird and confusing.
"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad |
Author: aschultz
Posted: September 12, 2009 (03:02 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums... |
Thanks for even more recommendations. It's the sort of thing I'm looking for, but I can't really actively solicit. Often I find that when I get a critique topic I say "But I meant..." or "But I thought I said..." and then I realize that's something I should have put in the review. I even try to anticipate criticism and put myself in that spot later, but it isn't until I get feedback that I find stuff to rearrange.
My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.' |
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