Forums > Submission Feedback > aschultz's A Mind Forever Voyaging review

Give this one another read, Aschultz. There's a lot of grammatical errors. Check out your last couple lines for some examples.

I like the beginning of this review but I'm not actually sure how the game plays. You mention a robot mode... but I'm not sure you ever explain quite what that is...?

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Didn't see the grammar errors in the last couple lines, but they still could be cleaned up. Long sentences and all that. I found another one earlier. Actually, I did let this sit and proofread it, but I think the proofreading caused one continuity error.

Thanks for checking this--I've been spending lots of time on two guides for games a lot larger than I thought they'd be, so I'd been trying to go with smaller games. It's great to have a strong starting point for editing stuff.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips

"This means no dazzling puzzles, so while AMFV is not the best introduction to Infocom game, but completists frustrated by the tougher stuff will definitely enjoy it."

Not so much a grammar problem as an unecessary word: "while." Or even "but" depending on how you want to rephrase it (I suspect the original error probably came from you being caught between two minds). I just skimmed the end, but I'll read this one later when I have the time because the game sounds interesting.

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

My main problem with your most recent reviews is that, while they are for fascinating games, they are also for games that seem very high concept and that makes them difficult to describe. I think for this one in particular you need a very simple paragraph that just explains, like an instruction manual, how this game plays. Usually I would preach exactly the opposite, but for such unique game choices I think it is necessary.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Well, it's an Infocom text adventure. I'm not sure you need to explain it much more than that. But I must admit that the story to this one sounds a bit weird and confusing.

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

Thanks for even more recommendations. It's the sort of thing I'm looking for, but I can't really actively solicit. Often I find that when I get a critique topic I say "But I meant..." or "But I thought I said..." and then I realize that's something I should have put in the review. I even try to anticipate criticism and put myself in that spot later, but it isn't until I get feedback that I find stuff to rearrange.

How Infocom used their text parser to try new stuff really interests me, and some of their tougher text adventures are very hard to describe--especially when I want to be succinct--but it's an interesting challenge, and I can learn a lot from this review and from people's ideas on it. It looks like I'm still getting there.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips