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Forums > Submission Feedback > aschultz's Super Black Onyx (Import) review

This thread is in response to a review for Super Black Onyx on the NES. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.

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Author: zippdementia
Posted: August 01, 2009 (10:37 AM)
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First off, this is a bad introduction. It has a lot to do with this line:

"Powerful, mysterious, doing-not-saying characters are a cliche in computer RPG's, but games like that are sadly rare. "

Wait... what? RPGs ARE a game, so these things can't be both cliche and rare. The whole intro is kind've like this, all over the place and a bit hard to follow. A review always has to start with some kind of bang, some kind of grabber that tells the reader immediately what to expect.

Actually, the review itself has a similar problem. It's rambles and jumps all over the place. It seems like a somewhat unique game, but I can't quite get a sense of how it plays. I understand that there's some kind of maze with random encounters and encounters are fought by throwing things across a sideways screen, and there's something to do with buying letters for your names... it's all a bit of a jumble, really.

I would actually suggest a full rewrite for this one. I know I seem to be an advocate of story reviewing to the point of being labeled a zealot for the art, but truly these sort of bizarre games really cry out for it.

In your rewrite, regardless of approach, there are some basic outlines you should follow.

1) Start with a bang. Use something that's totally quirky from the game to grab our attention and set the mood for the review.

2) Don't try to cover the whole game. You talk about the difference between the first town and the City of Gold... that means nothing to someone who hasn't played it, as we don't have a frame of reference to put it in. Just try to get across how this game plays. You gave it a 9 out of 10, so be sure to focus almost entirely on good aspects, maybe throwing in one problem that keeps it from being brilliant during your review.

3) End on a high note and with a less traditional "I'm concluding now" paragraph. End with something as spunky and quirky as the game itself.

That's my advice on this one.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

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Author: aschultz
Posted: August 01, 2009 (03:48 PM)
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Thanks. I tried for a story review but it just didn't seem to work for it. I'd love to give a more radical approach but couldn't find it, so it's good to have those pointers.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips

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