Forums > Submission Feedback > siara79's Super Paper Mario review

This thread is in response to a review for Super Paper Mario on the Wii. You are encouraged to view the review in a new window before reading this thread.

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Author: asherdeus Posted: May 02, 2008 (10:53 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Do you publicly announce the first review of all of your staff members, or just the girls? I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but it seems entirely unnecessary to put that in the focus window. It doesn't interest me at all that this is her first review and, if anything, it'll make me trust her less. I'll try to comment on the review later. I read the introduction and it seemed to try too hard, but it was a lot better than my first review by far. Just felt like tossing my two cents in.

Author: Felix_Arabia Posted: May 02, 2008 (11:18 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Ashy, there isn't any reason to berate poor Siara because of what is said in the focus window. I'll admit I was skeptical of seeing how her first review would turn out since, to my knowledge, she has never done anything like this before. But as you said, this wasn't a bad first attempt at all. Siara, I would like to see you partake in review contests here. Maybe then no one will complain next time your review is in the focus window.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (11:38 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I don't know who decided to put that in HG's main focus window, but I can change the caption if it's really bothering anyone.

Author: asherdeus Posted: May 02, 2008 (12:08 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

It's not that it bothers me, it's that it just doesn't inform me of anything that is really important to know. I thought that the whole point of the focus window was to give me a little sample of what was in store, or to entice me to click on it, but telling me that some girl wrote her first review doesn't interest me in the slightest, and I just don't understand why it's there in the first place. Does it really matter if it is her first review in the grand scheme of the site? It seems like it's either an attempt to excuse the review for any mistakes it may have (which makes me even less excited to click on it) or it's an effort to show off that HG has a girl on the staff. I just can't imagine putting that in there for any other reasons and neither of those reasons are good. Honestly, if I really cared about how many reviews she'd written in the past, I would click her name and I could easily find out that this was her first review. To Felix: None of this is directed at Siara and I didn't mean to sound like I was attacking anyone. I imagine that she didn't have any say in it at all. Like I said, it seemed like it might be a bit overwritten, but from my skimming it seemed alright.

Author: asherdeus Posted: May 02, 2008 (12:30 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Oh, and finally, for some real comments. This is a good review. I expected a 7/10 by the time that I got to the end, but an 8/10 is close enough and everyone has different standards for their scores, so this is basically a moot point. I thought you could have improved your paragraph transitions substantially in some areas. There were times when you talked about one thing and then very abruptly began talking about something entirely unrelated (or seemingly unrelated, I didn't have an idea if they were or not). This felt like a sectional review without headers. I thought your introduction used some words that it didn't need to, but you cut back on the thesaurus parade after that and the rest read fine. All in all, this is a great first effort and like I said, substantially better than my early efforts. I can tell from the writing that you have the enthusiasm and you know most of the points to pick up on. You just need to learn how to turn all of those points into a cohesive review.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (12:40 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Is this Siara's first review, anyway? I know she doesn't have anything else on HG, but I was under the impression she'd written something elsewhere...

Author: honestgamer (Mod) Posted: May 02, 2008 (12:54 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Asherdeus, I don't know who put the text in the focus window but I think it's less inappropriate than you imagined. There was some tongue-in-cheek discussion on the forum for awhile about what siara79 might choose for her first review and people were suggesting titles and so forth because no one had heard from her and she's been staff for awhile. I see the focus window as a result of that, a kind of "Hey, you'd all been talking about what she might review first and now here it is!" Perhaps it's not the most thrilling of text samples and definitely I wouldn't want to see that become the regular sort of focus window, but of course we're not in danger of that happening, anyway. First outings from staff don't come along terribly often. As has been noted, this is an excellent first review and the expectation is that like anyone, siara79 will grow more comfortable with her own reviewing style and with the type of writing on this site. I think it would be a great idea if she got involved in the writing contests, too, but remember that staff have more duties than just reviewing. In time, you may see her pitching in more for news articles and the like, and of course staff always have hundreds of hours of database work that they can do, since HonestGamers is developing one of the largest game databases available online. I encourage everyone to provide feedback for all writers on this site--staff or otherwise--but please don't single anyone out for criticism or even praise based on gender. I don't believe that was the intent of the focus window and I would be disappointed to learn otherwise. HonestGamers is about passionate gamers and writers (terms that ably describe siara79) coming together to share their interests an experiences. I think there was some excellent feedback provided in this topic that I expect siara79 will take into consideration for future efforts. She's just starting out and, as always, we're all working to improve our writing. This topic has gotten a little far from its intended purpose, so I'll chime in with my own thoughts: This was a great first review that covered teh bases nicely and did so with clarity. The transitions weren't always smooth and the text wasn't always lively, but I felt tha the first paragraph did a nice job of providing an amusing introduction (purposefully overwritten for effect, I felt) and from there the review remained suitably engaging if not fantastic. So like I said, this was a great first review that gives an idea of the sort of thing we should expect in the future (and knocks my own first reviewing efforts out of the park).

Author: asherdeus Posted: May 02, 2008 (01:39 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Yeah, maybe some members of the community were talking about her first review and looking forward to it, but if they're that attentive, do they really need to be reminded in the first place? I'm interested in Mario - I don't care about the author, just what the game does right and what it does wrong and why. Along the way, yeah, I need to learn something about the author, but how many reviews the author has written isn't something I need to know. To me, it reminds me of all those introductions to so many GameFAQs review ("This is my first review!"). I look to this site to be above that. It doesn't matter to me if it is her first, fortieth, or four hundredth review, I just want to know if the game is good or not. And, quite frankly, as someone who has a website with a staff of 20 people, with "first reviews" coming all the time, it isn't important. I didn't draw attention to my 100th review, my 150th review, and I won't to my 200th review because it doesn't matter to anyone (outside of my staff) reading the review. No reader looking for an opinion on Paper Mario gives a shit if Siara is writing her first review. It's just my opinion and you can ignore it if you want.

Author: Masters (Mod) Posted: May 02, 2008 (02:09 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I liked the review well enough. I also get what Matt is saying; I thought the focus window blurb was a bit strange, but I don't really question anything. Much.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (03:14 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Somebody change that damn focus window caption before people start getting killed.

Author: EmP (Mod) Posted: May 02, 2008 (03:25 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

The caption stays until we know who wrote it. Should a miricle happen and anyone else on staff pen something, it'll be replaced soon enough, anyway. None of us would be happy if we wrote something and someone edited over the top of it, and I expect whoever wrote said caption is the same. Now to read the rest of this topic through beautiful beer googles.

Author: sashanan Posted: May 02, 2008 (03:31 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I guess the caption is like an onion, and you're several layers deeper in than I got. I didn't read much of anything into it. Review's fine, in the meantime, and I'm looking forward to see what comes next. Probably because I know what comes next and want her take on it.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (05:33 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

There. Now let's all try and work together to put this pressing matter behind us. By the way: Was this Siara's first review or not? I was under the impression that she'd been writing reviews elsewhere. Either way, good stuff.

Author: bluberry Posted: May 02, 2008 (05:48 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

you guys are all retarded for caring. anybody remember that geekwoman psycho?

Author: Felix_Arabia Posted: May 02, 2008 (06:06 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I certainly let her know how much I appreciated her attitude.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (06:16 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

I like how Bluberry completely pwns every thread he appears in.

Author: sashanan Posted: May 02, 2008 (10:00 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

By the way: Was this Siara's first review or not? I was under the impression that she'd been writing reviews elsewhere. Either way, good stuff. Yes, first review. She's written FAQs before, though.

Author: Suskie Posted: May 02, 2008 (11:39 PM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Ah. Thank you for clearing that up. For the record, this is leagues ahead of my first review.

Author: sashanan Posted: May 03, 2008 (05:16 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

And mine. In fact, I'd have to say it is dangerously close to being on par with what I write now. "But Sash, you write an average of 0.4564 reviews a year now!" Shut up, self.

Author: EmP (Mod) Posted: May 03, 2008 (07:52 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

Sash: until you write a new review, I'm keeping all the games you won from the give-aways.

Author: sashanan Posted: May 03, 2008 (08:24 AM) Actions: Register for a free user account to post on the forums...

You rat. You leave me no choice.