Forums > Submission Feedback > EmP's Assassin's Creed review

I applaud you. I think I gave this game much too high of a score on first review. I'll have to read your review again and see if I can come up with anything to justify my position and shoot down yours, ultimately an easier task than rewriting my review ^_^

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Assassin's Creed has some issues that do prevent it from being a complete joy to play (particularly its often repetitive nature, which was duly noted), but the bulk of the complaints leveled against it in this review--including the stupid soldiers and the American accent--are explained away by the brilliant plot. Of course, EmP's analysis makes clear that he doesn't share my admiration for the narration, so it's hardly surprising that he would feel such disdain for the overall game.

One of the things that's most remarkable about Assassin's Creed is how smoothly and completely the plot and gameplay are melted together, so hating one is bound to leave a person hating the other. This review certainly will reflect the opinion of a fair number of gamers out there. I'm just glad that enough people out there who were able to appreciate the plot that Ubisoft felt justified in continuing the series. A sequel is coming in 2010 and I for one can't wait!

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

We'll just have to disagree on the brilliance of the plot. I found it to be hackneyed soft-sci-fi at its worst mixed in with so much historic inaccuracy that it combined to make something more akin to a badly-researched fanfic than something I'd expected a narrative-driven video-game to be centred upon. The ending was perhaps the (second) worst conclussion I've suffered during my long association with games. And all this could have been forgiven if the gameplay had been of good quailty, but it wasn't. Perhaps, if I was feeling generious, the bad AI and dumb accent could be explained by the plot BUT this doesn't stop the AI being bad and the accent being dumb. So and so was crap because doesn't stop so and so from being a game-wrecking experiance just because it's weakly justified.

People liked this game; I get that. But I didn't. Now you all know why!

For us. For them. For you.

Johnny Cairo disliked it equally. I extremely recommend the line of his review that begins 'If there is a moral to the story of Assassin's Creed...'

I'd rather type the whole thing but it could be considered a spoiler if you haven't played the game, and still care (I think the haters would recommend not caring in this case ;))

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Yahtzee summed up my feelings for this game perfectly: "Give it a chance, but I can't blame you if you end up trying to fire it into the sun."

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

It's worth noting, however, that EmP was caustic and British long before Yahtzee was.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

Haha. Alright. This was a good review. The first half illustrates the idiocy of the guardsmen in a narrative fashion before the review even really starts. This is an interesting and effective approach, but it can have some issues. Mainly that the way you explain the things don't come through as clearly amid the fluffy writing. However, you pull it off well enough anyway, and the creative approach is appreciated. It was also amusing in places, especially when the idiocy is obvious. Your expression with this makes me wonder if you had invented the background stories to the guards or whether they were actually in the game. Either way, it was pretty clever.

The rest of the review reads and is explained well, too, but it sort felt like it was missing something. This might have something to do with the fact that the first half was so narrative-oriented that the lack thereof in the second half sort of gives the appearence that your arguments aren't represented as strongly. It may also have something to do with your deliberate avoidance of explaining plot things to illustrate its poorness. However, as someone interested in this game despite its flaws, I'm glad you didn't.

The only other thing I didn't like was that it just kind of... ended. =/ It doesn't really feel like a conclusion. It almost feels like you're not done arguing, especially since the bulk of your points appear in the latter half of the review. But, then again, the lack of any sort of standard "wrap-up" conclusory paragraph lends itself to being different, so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Anyway, this really was a good review, so no complaining about how I don't like your stuff! =P

I did come away with a sense that the game's bad and why, and you do so in a rather entertaining manner, too. I agree with your assertion that this is your best review of the year so far. I'm glad you're happy with it; I am, too.

Also, I didn't understand the Parkour reference, haha

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

I can't say I liked the plot of Assassin's Creed. Or rather, the plot didn't bother me so much as the presentation of said plot (c'mon, eight minute dialouges for each death, plus unskippable BORINGNESS at the beginning of each mission?).

I do hold to what I said in my review though: play this for the sand box nature of running around and pissing guards off.

Note to gamers: when someone shoots you in the face, they aren't "gay." They are "psychopathic."

Do I smell another Doom 3 / Resident Evil thread?

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I doubt it. People who like Assassin's Creed are happy with those who don't, those who don't are happy with those who do. If I smell anything, it's love.

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You, sir, are the idiot here, not the creators of this game. First of all if you actually PLAYED this game the fact of it not being "historically accurate", as you put it, comes up. They explain just because something is written in a book, or there is a story about something doesn't make it history. The Animus is the truth not the books and writings of others.

Also, you complaining about the guards being about to scale buildings and jump gaps like an assassin, well think about that for a minute. How fun would the game actually be if all you had to do is jump a gap and the guards go "Okay I give up you can run away now." because then you would cry like a little girl about that.

You also comment on not being able to perform assassinations with stealth or guile when you most certainly can. If you are actually GOOD at the game you can assassinate a target without killing any guards at all. At the same time if you don't want to be slow and careful you can always run in and create a blood bath; it's the players choice.

Another hole in your rants about this game is saying the combat is a joke but then complain about guards being about to follow a trained assassin across gaps and up building. So you want these "local mall’s rent-a-cops" to be able to stand up to a trained assassin in combat but not be able to jump very far? Hmm, yup, that sounds like a great game huh?

In my opinion your review was nothing more than an upset rant about a decent game. It's not perfect but no game out there is.

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Okay. First off, no, Emp that is not a pseudo name for me trying to build hype for my review by creating the illusion that someone else is making the same arguments. I'd come up with something cooler like Nightmare, or DragonForceFan187.

And second, Bobb, since you're new here I'm going to give you a few pointers about Honest Gamers. The first is we don't insult Emp. He does have the worst taste in music I've ever seen, he can't seem to differentiate between z's and s's ... that looks funny. You know what I meant though. He's English. We ignore it. But he's a demi-god amongst most men and a reviewer to be reckoned with. If he made the criticiSm, he most likely had good reason. He's cynical, but he doesn't make unjust assessments.

Second, we change the ugly cheesy puff av. There is a plethora of good looking girly avs in the data base. I know. I put them there.

And third, more of to Emp: Ha ha. I told you it was the next Chrono Cross.

It's still not a disguise, though.

If I Offended You, You Needed It.

The first is we don't insult Emp.

Now you tell me!

"Deep in the earth I faced a fight that I could never win. The blameless and the base destroyed, and all that might have been. -- GK"

What a load of crap. We insult EmP all the time. It's part of the charm.

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Dear True Bob,

Thanks for taking the time to belittle my review. I’d like to compliment you on your wise points and criticisms, but I’ve yet to see one. You’ve taken the time out of your busy life to slate my work, so I’ll forgo the overplayed “On no! Differing opinion!” card and give you the reply you’re probably looking for. Because I care.

The completely inaccurate history bothered me because the little snippet of text you flaunt like a band aid that covers all wounds is just that: a small snippet aimed at something specific. Even so, just because the game offers weak justification for something dumb, it doesn’t stop it being dumb. That Creed couldn’t even get the sides of the crusade right is dumb. That the protagonist has an American accent is dumb. I don’t care if Arthur C. Clark turns up on my doorstep with a 15,000 word essay explaining how these things fit in with Creed and how suspension of fact is needed. Dumb stuff is dumb stuff no mater how you spin it. It didn’t bother a lot of people, but it bothered me -- and this is my review, so I get to voice these things.

You contradict yourself with the guard’s behaviour. Yes, I think it’s dumb that fights boil down to people standing around and very carefully attacking one at a time. They're guards, and laying into people en masse is what guards do. Yes, especially when you keep in mind their incompetence at what they are meant to do, I think it’s stupid that an incompetent guard can keep exact pace with the era’s greatest assassin. What I want, despite your inaccurate assumptions, is for the game not be almost broken in how it presents obstacles. You shouldn’t wholly wallow in incompetence and then produce deus ex machina because it’s convenient. The same guard you can kill with two shoves to the chest while his eight friends draw blades and watch should be able to vertical jump buildings? This is what makes a game fun?

Good sandbox action games like Crackdown tend to disagree.

The game would have been fun had the guards been able to fight you. The game would have made more sense had the guards shown lesser skill that you in free running and instead used their numbers. The middle ground was contaminated with what was easier to program rather than what worked better. I’m not about to praise that.

What have I missed? Maybe you can go around stealth killing everyone, expect for when you need to assassinate the majority of your targets which are brass, noisy and show you how you’re really expected to play the game. And why ninja it up when it's a hundred times easier to just kill everything effortlessly in your path? At least you can move at a faster pace than a snail that way since running of all things alerts guards when the huge broadsword on your back does not.

In my opinion, the game stinks. I can throw in some fact too: it’s also often a buggy mess. I’m sorry you don’t agree and I’m equally sorry you seem to think yours is the only opinion that matters. Half of this website disagrees with me -- maybe more -- and while I’m glad you enjoyed the game, I’m also glad I took the time to tell the world why I thought it was complete crap.

Thanks for reading!

For us. For them. For you.

The lesson here, kiddies, is not to flame EmP.

In particular, when you haven't a single review to your name.

"Either, sir, you're an ass or masquerading as one."
- Nero Wolfe

Yeah, if you want to flame EmP, you should be like me.....a dude with MORE reviews AND who is a better person. An idol to be worshiped by you peons! BEG FOR MY SALVATION!!!!!

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

Has anyone else had problems with Assassin's Creed being buggy? I'm not a huge fan of the game but I've never encountered a single glitch.

I'm only bringing this up because until just recently, I'd only ever played the Xbox 360 version and figured that for whatever reason, it's the PS3 version (which EmP played) that suffers from this. I've since played the game on PS3, however, and I'm still not seeing it. I can't remember seeing complaints like these anywhere else, EmP, so I'm honestly wondering if your copy of the game is just fucked.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I played the 360 version and I only encountered one glitch during my entire time playing. I was in a fight near one of those blue walls, performed a counter on an enemy, and the animation transported me through the wall. The result was automatic death. Other than that I don't remember any bugs or glitches.

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I fell through the floor on the PS3.

I became part of the wall on the 360.

I really wish I'd spent time with neither.

(Though, when I jumped into and became a wall in the 360, it unlocked a random achievment. One about killing 100 people without suffering a single death, I believe.)

For us. For them. For you.