Forums > Submission Feedback > wolfqueen001's Digimon World review

This is a good review and everything, but, um... Read over it again. I think you missed a few, uh, typos. Especially in that last paragraph.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I think that for whatever reason his ' key was replaced with f, or something occurred while being uploaded.

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Thanks Suskie. Wow, that was really strange, though. I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out... It seemed to copy like I were taking it from an e-mail or something, where it doesn't recognize the apostrophe, quotation marks or ellipses. It's very strange. Maybe it has something to do with the word procesor on this computer or the fact I had to copy it to a CD first. I don't know. Either way, it's fixed now; I think I got them all... if I missed any, feel free to point them out.

Man, that was weird... o.o Guess I'll just have to keep an eye out for that next time.

Anyway, you liked the thing as a whole? I didn't think it was that great... I dunno. I feel like I missed some stuff, but I really wanted to get this one done, and I think it's a lot better than the original draft, so I'm happy enough, I suppose.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

This is a nice effort. I know I wouldn’t like this game, but it’s obvious that this is one of those games that has sentimental value to you. So it’s great that you can still talk about how you like it despite all the tedium you have to go through.

With that said, I am curious on how the actual battles play out. I don’t think you explicitly covered them. Are they like Pokemon battles, or do these engagements contain more panache? Are they in real time or turn-based? I’d like to know that because I think it’s a pretty important thing and it’ll give you some room to highlight anything cool that happens in combat. Since the game has been so important to you, there obviously must be at least one standout example you could use for discussing battle mechanics. I think it could be a cool addition.

Also, you might want to think about rewording a few sentences. I found the wording to be funny in the below examples. But not in the ‘ha ha’ sort of way, unfortunately.

You may find the actual phenomenon of time passing rather quickly occasionally . . .

The consecutive adverbs sound strange together.

Patience is a virtue because in order to secure the loyalty of these prior denizens, you must frequently engage in an activity whose repetition may soon have a body napping in a matter of hours.

I get what you’re saying in this sentence, but it reads awkwardly. “[A]ctivty whose” and “body napping” are the main offenders. The transition from that to the next paragraph, which starts out with a sentence fragment, is a bit jarring, too.

Raised properly and trained well, your initially pathetically weak . . .

Again, the two consecutive adverbs just sound weird together. The good thing is that these things I pointed out should be very easy and quick to correct.

I don't have to boost my review resume because I have a real resume.

Thanks, Felix. I could explain battle here, but it'd probably be better in the review. I was considering adding it in somewhere before I subbed it... but... I was having trouble figuring out where best to put it in without messing up current flow. I will tell you that it's nothing like Pokemon at all, unless you consider that each Digimon can only use three techs at a time.

As for the lesser minor things, I'll look those over, too. Granted, I kind of liked how I worded some of those things, or at least the "body napping" example, but if it affects cohesiveness and comprehension, then my preferences don't really matter.

Thanks again.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

There. I edited it and added two paragraphs related to combat. I have a feeling they're not that great and didn't come out that well or anything, and they may have even made the review worse as well as long, but at least the explanation's there. I guess.

I'm hoping that weird glitch thing didn't happen again, though I didn't see anything funny with it this time.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will